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AOIFE
I wasin love with an addict.
It was as humiliating as it was heartbreaking.
Joey’s incessant need to snort God only knew what up his nose had overtaken his need for me. I felt like I was the other woman in a twisted love triangle between him, my heart, and his latest drug of choice.
I watched him the other night.
He didn’t even try to hide it.
And instead of doing the right thing forme,I did the safe thing forhim.
I took him into my bed and into my body.
Because I loved him.
Because I couldn’t stop fighting for the boy that I knew was still inside of him.
Even now, as I dolled myself up to meet him out in town for his birthday, I couldn’t silence the voice inside of me that demanded I have some respect for myself.
I had always considered myself to be a strong girl, but right now, as I tried to look at myself in the mirror with my head held high, I never felt like such a fake.
So weak.
So small.
So fucking uncertain.
* * *
Coming out tonight was a mistake.
I’d known it the moment I caught a glimpse of Joey’s black eyes, and I knew it now.
Whatever he’d taken with his asshole buddies in the bathroom earlier, had morphed him into a walking, breathing, Duracell bunny.
All he was short of doing was climbing the walls.
“What’s he jacked-up on?” Casey asked, slipping her arm through mine, as we sat in the corner of Biddies back lounge, and watched on as my boyfriend buzzed around the room, unable to stand still for longer than thirty seconds at a time. “Jesus, Aoif, he’s wired to NASA.”
“I know,” I squeezed out, watching as stumbled his way through a conversation with a few of the lads from his hurling team, downing shots and laughing like a maniac. With his arms flying around animatedly, he looked the opposite of his usual self, if that version of him even existed anymore.
“Do you want to leave?” my best friend asked, resting her head on my shoulder. “We can get out of here, leave Tigger and the rest of his pals from The Hundred Acre Wood to it, and have a girly night at my place instead.”
“I can’t,” I replied, watching on nervously, as I waited for him to crash and burn.
“You can’t control him, Aoif,” she said softly. “He’s his own person. Joey Lynch is going to do what he’s going to do, regardless of the consequences.”
“I don’t want to control him, Case,” I whispered. “I want to stop him from self-destructing.”
“Only he can do that, babe,” she said softly. “And no amount of wanting it for him will work until he wants it for himself.”
* * *
"Joey!"
Everything had been going relatively fine until Joey, along with a group of boys from his estate, had all but flipped out and jumped clean over the wall of the outdoor smoking area.
