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Not my father.
Not my mother.
It was all on me.
The road I was traveling down scared the shit out of me, and the prospect of a future that resembled my parents was the wakeup call that I needed.
It was a wakeup call that had led me to spending an innate amount of time since that night with my head in the toilet.
The horrible familiar sickly cold bead of sweat trickled down the back of my neck, dampening my brow, my lip, and every other inch of my skin, as I fought against the insurmountable demon inside of my head that demanded I stop fighting and justfeedit.
Trembling violently, I kept my limbs locked tight, my muscles rigid, as I fought what felt like a hopeless battle.
One more hour,I mentally challenged myself.Give it all you’ve got for one more hour, and if it still hurts as bad, you can call him.
Coaxing myself like this was how I had made it through the last seventy-two hours.
The thought of having to feel this way forever was too huge a concept and too fucking demoralizing, so I concentrated on a period of time that Icouldtolerate.
One hour at a time.
Icoulddo that.
“Are youstillsick?” Tadhg asked, dragging me from my thoughts, as he stood in the bathroom doorway, and watched me hug the toilet. “Jesus, lad, you’ve been puking since Christmas.”
“He’s still sick?” Shannon appeared in the doorway her eyes laced with concern. “Oh my god, Joe, should I call the doctor?”
“No, no, no.” Cradling the bowl, I continued to wretch and tremble. “I’m…” Teeth chattering, I forced myself to swallow down a wave of nausea, before finishing, “I’ll be grand.”
“What’s wrong with you?” Tadhg demanded sounding anxiously frustrated. “Is it a bug?” He eyed me warily. “Can we catch it?”
“No, it’s not contagious.“ Pausing, I heaved and wretched as another flood of clear liquid ejected itself from my body. “Will one of you do me a favor?”
“Yeah, of course,” they both chimed.
Reaching into the pocket of my sweatpants, I retrieved my phone and held it out for them. “Hide it.”
“Huh?”
“You want us to hide your phone?” Tadhg asked, tone incredulous. “Why?”
“Please just take it,” I bit out through clenched teeth as a wave of nausea washed over me. “Hide it somewhere, fucking break it if you have to, just… just don’t give it back to me.”
“What if you get mad at us?” Shannon asked uncertainly.
“I won’t.”
“But what if you do?” Tadhg piped up.
“I won’t,” I snapped. “Fuck!”
“You’re getting mad now,” he reminded me.
“Please,” I whisper-hissed. “Please just do this for me. I never ask any of you for anything.”
“Can I keep it?”
Shannon sighed heavily. “No, Tadhg, you can’t keep his phone.”
