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“But he said that we could break it. Surely that means he doesn’t want—"
“Hewantshis phone,” Shannon countered.
“But he just—"
“He just doesn’t want it right now,” she added. “He’ll have it back when the time is right.”
“Then why don’t you take it?”
“Because I’m weak and I’ll give it back to him the minute he asks for it.”
“So?”
“So, that’s not what he needs us to do for him.”
“Okay, none of this makes any sense to me.“
“Tadhg!” I snapped. “Fuck!”
“Alright, alright.” Sauntering into the bathroom, my little brother snatched up my phone and quickly pocketed it. “Consider it gone. But don’t come bitching to me when you’re out of credit and can’t call yourgirlfriend. I plan on taking full advantage of this baby. How do you block your number when you’re making a prank phone call? It’s #31# right?”
“Tadhg!”
“Fine, Jesus, I won’t prank anyone in your phonebook,” he grumbled, stalking out of the bathroom. “Enjoy romancing the toilet, Joe.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to call a doctor?” Shannon asked when Tadhg had skulked off with my phone. “What about Aoife?” she offered. “I could call her for you.“
“No, don’t call Aoife,” I warned with a shake of my head. “Don’t call anyone.”
I hadn’t told Shannon that I’d broken up with Molloy.
I hadn’t told a soul.
Terrorizing my baby sister with my issues, when she was already laden down with anxiety, was something that I had no intention of doing. She didn’t need to be exposed to what I hadn’t been able to protect my own girlfriend from witnessing.
Disgust filled me at a rapid pace, and I heaved noisily, expelling another rush of bile.
Besides, I was too ashamed of myself, and too fucking raw, to form the words that were required to explain the latest level of fucking up I had reached.
I might have been the one doing the breaking up, but I wasn’t ready to admit it out loud, much less talk about it.
I’d given a year of my life to the girl, and there was a small part of me, a tiny spark of hope still flickering around in my chest. One that allowed me to believe that if I could get a handle on my shit, if I could justovercomethis horrible fucking habit I’d fallen into, then maybe, in time, I could win her back.
Maybe, I could become someone deserving of being with her, because the current version of me sure as hell wasn’t.
And if I couldn’t beat this thing that had crept up on me and sunk it’s claws in me, then at least I wasn’t going to drag her down with me.
Because I loved Aoife Molloy enough to force her hand with a get-out-of-jail card, even if it almost killed me to do it.
I wouldnotturn her into another Sam.
Or worse, my mam.
I would rather cut my bollocks off and join the priesthood before I let that happen.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to call Aoife for you?” Gingerly padding into the bathroom, my sister lowered herself onto the bathroom floor, opposite me, and rested her back against the bath. Her blue eyes were laced with worry when she said, “If I had a boyfriend, I would want to know if he was sick.” Shrugging helplessly, she added, “I would want to help him.”
“She can’t help me,” I bit out, slowly leaning back to rest against the wall. “No one can.”
