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Fuck.
With my heart hammering violently in my chest, I stepped outside and pulled the front door out behind me, knowing that whatever she had to say was going to hurt, but complying without protest because I deserved everything that she could throw at me and more.
I’M NOT OKAY
DECEMBER 31ST 2004
AOIFE
When I knockedon the Lynch’s front door late on New Year’s Eve, the very last person I had been expecting to see standing in the doorway was Joey.
But when the door swung inwards, that’s exactly who I found staring back at me.
Of course, he was who I had come to see, but in my heart of hearts, I honestly thought that it would be a fruitless trip.
The minute my eyes landed on his, the pain in my chest that I had been walking around with amplified. To the point where I had to physically press my hand against my chest bone to soothe the ache.
My breath hitched. “Hi.”
“Hi.” He gripped the door tighter. “Are you okay?”
No.“Can we talk?”
He nodded and I exhaled a shaky breath when he stepped outside and quietly closed the door out behind him.
The grey sweatpants he was wearing hung low on his narrow hips, revealing a hint of the black boxer shorts he had on underneath. The plain white t-shirt he had on revealed his tattooed arms and fitted him in such a way that I could see the hint of black ink on his chest.
It hurt.
It fucking scorched me.
Unable to stop myself, I drank in the sight of him, as my body heated, and my heart cracked under the insurmountable effort that it took for me to stand here and face him.
“I, ah…” Letting my voice trail off, I studied his face, feeling more confused with every second that passed. “You’re here.”You’re sober.
“Yeah.” Joey nodded slowly, jaw ticking. “I am.”
“Why?” I demanded, tone hoarse and broken. “Why are youhere?”
“Should I not be?”
“It’s New Year’s Eve.”
“Yeah, I’m aware of the date.”
“Answer me.”
He blew out a pained breath when he said, “I’m sort of trying to turn over a new leaf.”
I stared at him in disbelief. “Why?”
He gave me a hard look. “Why do you think?”
“Why?” I repeated, unrelenting. “Why, Joe, why?”
“Because I fucked up!”
“So?” Tears pooled my eyes, and I carefully kept them open, not daring to blink. I knew if I did, the dam would burst. Blinking tears away never worked for me, I had to stare them back to hell. “You’ve fucked up before and it hasn’t stopped you from doing it again.”Over and over again…
