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“Wait, what?” I’d been so lost in wedding dress daydreams that I’d stopped listening to her.
“You’re my Maid of Honor.”
“I am?”
She just looks at me like I grew three heads. “Of course you are.”
My face splits in two as a wide grin breaks out across it. “Oh my god! We’re going to have the best time. We should start looking at wedding dresses. Oh, do you have a venue in mind? What color scheme are you thinking of? Have you thought about flowers?”
“Woah, hold up there, skippy. We haven’t even worked outwhenwe’re going to get married, never mind anything else.”
I wave a dismissive hand. “That’s fine. We can totally work around that.”
She just laughs, shaking her head as I descend into full Maid of Honor-zilla mode.
Once I’ve pestered her about everything wedding-related, we talk about my job at Ridgeway, her college classes, and plans for when she graduates.
It’s one of the best days I’ve had in a long time. One of the most normal, and by the time she drops me off at the brownstone that afternoon, I’m smiling like a loon as I carry all of my shopping bags into the house.
Chapter11
EMILIA
“Afew of us from the English department are going for drinks later, if you want to join,” Carrie, one of the English professors, says. I have an hour between classes and was on my way to the library to check it out—since I haven’t had a chance yet to explore much of the campus—when we ran into each other.
We’ve spoken a few times in between classes, but with my life being a literal shitstorm since I came to Ridgeway, I haven’t had a proper chance to get to know anyone in the department.
“I’m not sure,” I say hesitantly. It would be great to get out and meet some new people and get to know those I work with better. Except my life isn’t my own at the minute, and I can’t just make spur-of-the-moment decisions without thinking them through.
Carrie shrugs. “No pressure. I just wanted to extend the invite. Since you are new this year, I figured you probably haven’t had the opportunity to meet many people in the department yet.”
She’s right about that, and after going out shopping with Hadley last weekend, I’m already craving to do something else that’s mundane andnormal.Something that isn’t hiding in the house, looking over my shoulder, or wondering when the next taunting peony will appear.
Besides, wouldn’t going out with work colleagues give the impression that I’m putting distance between myself and the guys? It would show Mel that I’m keeping them at arm’s length and that I heard her when she said I didn’t need to rely on them for protection.
“You know what, I will come,” I state, having made up my mind. “It would be great to get to know some of the others.”
Carrie smiles. “Fantastic. We usually meet at The Globe after the last class of the day.”
“The Globe?” I laugh.
“I know,” she says, smiling. “We’re all a bunch of nerds. It’s one of the quieter college bars. Most of the students prefer the sports bar on the other side of campus. That is, if they can drag themselves away from the frat and sorority parties.”
“Sounds good,” I tell her, still laughing. “I’ll see you there.”
“Looking forward to it.”
We go our separate ways, and I spend the rest of my free hour checking out the English department’s library. It’s small, but from the moment I step into it and the scent of old books prickles my nose, I feel like I’ve entered an alternate world. One steeped in history, lined with rich, wooden bookshelves and small, individual desks with green lamps. It reminds me of the many nights I spent cramming for an exam in the library at Halston. Allowing myself to travel down memory lane, I wander up and down the aisles, occasionally pulling out a book to look at before tucking it away again.
I’m so lost in my own world that I lose all track of time and barely make it back in time for my next class. The rest of the day passes uneventfully, and as my last class filters out the door, I send a text to the group chat, letting the others know that I’m heading out for drinks with a few colleagues after work.
I’m weirdly excited about the whole thing. I’d go for drinks once a week with some of the girls I worked with at the publishing house, but I was never terribly enthusiastic about it. I tagged along more because I felt like I ought to than because I wanted to spend time with them.
Not that there was anything wrong with them. The problem was with me. Without realizing it, I was pulling away from life. Going through the motions without actually engaging or even trying to enjoy myself.
That’s no longer the case. I’m fully awake now, and ready to embrace everything life throws at me. Except for Mel—that was a shitty curveball, life. I want to participate and build a life for myself, which involves getting to know the people in it—like my colleagues. I love teaching. It’s not something I ever envisioned myself doing, and since I have no actual experience in it, I’m completely winging it. I’d love to talk to some of the professors here and gain some insight from them.
I stop by the bathroom on my way out of Burney Hall, freshening my lipstick and running my fingers through my hair while I attempt to calm my nerves. There’s no reason why I should be this nervous. I’m generally not socially anxious, though this feels important for some reason. I want to like these people. I want them to like me and accept me as a fellow educator.
