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When I flick my gaze to Hawk, he confirms my suspicions. "She did," he states, his expression drawn.
"But I don’t believe there’s any real intention behind her words," Kai quickly assuages. When I give him a questioning look, he sighs, defeat dragging his shoulders down. "She’s saying that to toy with me.”
I search his eyes for a moment before holding my arm out and asking, “Is that why you gave me this?”
He nods. “Mel knows the lengths I’ll go to protect you. It’s a decoy, should something happen.”
“She’ll spot this and think it’s the tracker, so she won’t go searching deeper for Wilder’s,” I deduce, earning a nod.
“But, why?” I ask. “Why would Mel specifically toy with you? Why wouldn’t she direct her threat at all three of you, or you and Hawk, at least?”
She…" he trails off, rubbing his hand along the back of his neck and staring pointedly at the floor.
After a moment, he blows out a hard breath, and still not looking at me, he storms over to his laptop bag and pulls out a manila envelope.
Holding it out toward me, he explains, "She found out about something that happened in my past. It was a long time ago, but…"
All I can do is stare at the envelope, unwilling to accept it. If there’s something in his past that he wants me to know, then I’d prefer Kai tell me himself when he’s ready. Not because his hand was forced.
“Just take it, Emilia,” he sighs. “You have a right to know.”
Lifting my head, I stare into his bright green eyes that are shadowed with tragedy. Somehow, they become even more pained when he says, "And afterward, if you change your mind about me protecting you, I’ll understand."
I frown, not understanding why he would even think that. There’s no one I’d trust more to look out for me. A fact I firmly believe Hawk and Hadley agree with, and I’m guessing, based on things they’ve said, that they know all about his past. If they don’t think it’s an issue, then I certainly don’t.
And yet, Kai obviously views it as a problem.
Something in his tortured gaze has me reaching out and taking the envelope from him. With a small nod of his head, as though confirming with himself that this is the right thing to do, he steps past me and walks out of the room without saying a word.
Confused, I look at Hawk. He offers me a small, reassuring smile, although there’s something significant written in his eyes that I can’t understand. I want to ask him what this is all about, only the words are stuck in my throat as Hawk sets a box of tissues in front of me and strokes his thumb along the back of my hand before following Kai out of the room.
Alone in the kitchen, an unsettling sense of foreboding sits like lead in my stomach as I take a seat at the table. For a long while, I simply stare at the non-descript envelope, speculating about the secrets it conceals and debating whether I should actually set them loose in the world.
Kai gave me permission to, yet it still doesn’t feel right not to hear it from him. Getting the details about whatever the hell happened from a file just feels wrong. However, recalling that look in his eyes, I’m not sure if he’s even capable of telling me what happened. Whatever it was… it broke him—left him irreparably damaged. And it might just be the reason why he’s been pulling away from me.
Still feeling uncomfortable but also determined, I lift the envelope off the table and pull out a thick folder.
That feeling of unease turns to dread as I flip it open and begin to read. I inhale every word on that report, even as bile climbs higher up the back of my throat. By the time I reach the photographs from the morgue, my heart is racing, my hands are shaking, and I have to look away.
I can’t read anymore. I’ve read enough. If there’s anything else to know, I want to hear it from Kai. Unable to look at the images for another second, I slam the folder shut and suck in heaving breaths until I no longer feel like I might throw up all over the table.
The photographs and snippets of the report swim behind my eyes, and I recoil further away from the table as I try to put myself in Kai’s shoes. Try to imagine what it must have been like to step into that house and find his girlfriend like that.
According to the file, Kai’s high school sweetheart was stalked by a classmate. Evidently, she filed several police reports, reported the guy’s behavior to the school, and mentioned it to her friends and Kai. Everyone had dismissed it as an awkward kid who had a crush on her. No one believed it was anything serious, until one night, he broke into her house when her parents weren’t home and murdered her before killing himself.
Knowing this explains so much about Kai that I didn’t comprehend before—why he joined the Marines, his reluctance to go to the cops, his dedication to identifying Mel.
It also adds a new layer of insight into how he must have felt that day on campus when he found out Mel had taken me. How difficult that must have been for him—the reminder ofthatday. No wonder he’s pulled away since.
Except that none of this changes anything for me. It doesn’t make me question his abilities or doubt his capabilities. He was eighteen years old—a kid. The police and the school are the ones who bear the brunt of the responsibility for what happened that day. They are the ones who should have safeguarded Laura and looked into her claims. Even her parents dismissed the situation. I understand why Kai feels he’s to blame, but he’s not.
At least, in my mind, he’s not.
Jumping to my feet, I hurry out of the room in search of him. I check the living room, finding it empty, before rushing up the stairs to his bedroom. There’s no sign of him there, either. I have to think for a second before I head for the gym instead.
I’m winded by the time I make it down to the basement—I really should make an effort to work out more often, or at all. Regardless, the sound of music blasting from the gym makes me think I’m in the right place.
When I push open the door, the noise gets even louder, practically deafening me. However, my bleeding eardrums are minimized by my suddenly parched throat. Honestly, I’m not aware of a single thing except the two half-naked men sparring.
