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I’m not sure who to focus on first. Instead, my eyes flit back and forth between Hawk and Kai as they circle one another. Sweat clings to their hair and drips down their backs, painting one hell of a picture for me to drool over. I drink in the veins bulging along Hawk’s muscular forearm as he drives his fist into Kai’s kidney, followed by the tensing of Kai’s back muscles as he returns with a fierce punch of his own.
The two are like a work of art, dancing around one another and striking with precise, powerful hits. Neither one holds back; the two of them are going at it like boxers in the ring on fight night.
After several moments—and not nearly enough time—Hawk notices me standing in the doorway and brings their joust to an end. Stepping back, he pulls off his gloves and gestures toward me with his chin.
Not realizing I was there, Kai turns in my direction. Immediately, he tenses, that peacefulness from a moment ago disappearing into thin air.
“I’ll let you two talk,” Hawk says, grabbing a towel and moving past me toward the door. He deliberately steps close enough that I can smell the sweat from his workout, and his shoulder brushes mine, making me wish we were all in a different headspace.
As the door clicks shut behind us, I focus back on Kai, noticing that he’s been watching me the entire time. An electric charge jumps between us, tasting like air moments before an impending downpour and signifying a change in the weather. A pivotal moment in my relationship with Kai.
I can see it on his face. He thinks I’m here to tell him to leave. After everything he’s done for me, I don’t understand how he can believe that. Needing to set the record straight, I stare him straight in the eyes and say, "That report didn’t change anything for me."
I watch closely as Kai’s chest rises and falls with heaving breaths; his whole body is still frozen in place as his gaze bores into mine, and he hangs onto my every word as though they were a lifeline. Taking a step toward him, I continue, "Not regarding your ability to keep me safe. You are not at fault for what happened that day—"
A cold, harsh laugh erupts from his lips, more reminiscent of Hawk or Wilder than the protective man I’ve come to know and care for. Kai shakes his head. "I’m not at fault?" he argues incredulously. "She fucking told me he was making her uncomfortable. That she thought he was taking photographs of her. Hell, she even made a comment about her underwear disappearing, and do you know what I fucking said to her?” He doesn’t wait for an answer.
"I told her she was fucking paranoid. He was an oddball kid, always carrying his camera around and watching everyone. Laura was popular, a cheerleader. She had the eyes of half the school on her every time she walked through the hallways. Just because one kid made her uncomfortable didn’t mean he wasstalkingher." His scoff is dripping with self-loathing.
Kai’s entire demeanor crumbles, and he falls to his knees, his head bowed. Staring at the floor, his voice comes out ragged. "If I’d just listened to her. Maybe everything would have been different if I’d taken her seriously."
My heart breaks at the sheer agony pouring from him, and not giving a flying fuck if Mel is watching us from outside the windows, I close the space between us until I’m on my knees in front of him, my hands on his face as I tilt his head up until he’s left with no option but to look me in the eyes. Rimmed red, unshed tears shine in his emerald depths, only deepening the fissure in my chest.
"It wouldn’t have changed a thing," I tell him earnestly. "The cops, the school, her parents…theyare the ones who should have investigated her claims. The ones who could have made a difference. What would you have done? Watched her every second of every day? You know that wouldn’t have changed a damn thing. You’re the one who told me people like this would do anything to get to the object of their obsession, and at eighteen, you didn’t have the knowledge, experience, or training to make a difference.
“Except you do now. You couldn’t save Laura—and I amsosorry for that—but look at all the other men and women you have been able to save. You’re the type of man who learns from his mistakes, and that guilt you’re carrying ensures you’ll never let what happened to her happen to anyone else. Me included.”
“Only I did let Mel get to you,” he argues, sounding so broken and defeated.
"You didn’tlether do anything," I bite out angrily. "She waited for the perfect opportunity to make herself known. She took advantage of that storm, and there was nothing you could have done about that. What youdidwas work with Hawk and Wilder to ensure my safety. She knew she was on a time limit. She knew you’d come, and that’s why she didn’t attempt to do anything more that day."
“I let you down,” he continues to argue.
"The last thing you have ever done is let me down, Kai. In all of this insanity, you’re the only one who has kept me sane. You’ve bolstered me, reassured me, and picked me up off the floor every damn time I’ve wanted to give up. You’ve taken care of me and nurtured me through all of this. It’s because of you that I’m still fighting. I trust you. I trust your judgment. I can’t doanyof this without you."
As I say it, I realize I’m not only talking about dealing with Mel. I’m talking abouteverything.I can’t handle Mel without him. I can’t fight Wilder or manage Hawk without him. I can’t dolifewithout him.
He’s the reliable, stable piece in this relationship. The one who keeps everything ticking smoothly. The voice of reason. He puts up with Wilder’s craziness. He knows how to handle Hawk when he’s in a mood. And he makes me feel grounded, optimistic, hopeful. When Kai’s around, I’m not afraid; I’m not wondering about thewhat-ifs,buts, andmaybes.I just am. He makes me feel as though anything I want is within my grasp, and he gives me the courage to reach for it.
That courage has me leaning in and pressing my lips to his. His lips remain unmoving against mine, and I can feel the tension coiling beneath his skin, but I refuse to let him push me away. I know what we have is real. There was no faking that kiss on our date. There was no faking how we lost ourselves in each other, unconcerned about the world around us until we found our release against the side of his car.
I know he feels it too, and as I move my lips over his, prodding at the seam with my tongue, I encourage him to let go. To freefall over this cliff with me, because with him by my side, I’m confident I won’t crash and burn at the bottom.
It takes a long moment, where my heart feels like it’s lodged in my throat, and I start reconsidering the sanity of my actions, but fucking finally, he relaxes beneath me. His lips part, granting me the entry I’ve been dying for, while his hands move to rest on my waist.
Our kiss starts out sweet and gentle. Light and encouraging imbued with grief though flooded with hope. He divests himself of the guilt-laden thoughts weighing him down, and I lap up every single one, taking his hurt as my own. With every sweep of my tongue, I tell him how much I trust him. I silently show him that I’d readily lay my life down at his feet. I trust him to look out for me. To keep me safe. To always come for me when I need him.
Those sweet promises give way to more wicked ones as his sage scent infuses my senses and starts messing with my head, scrambling my thoughts until all I can think about is how it would feel to be trapped beneath him, writhing and needy.
The kiss turns heated and dirty, a clash of teeth driven by desire. His hands on my hips slide around to my ass before moving lower. Palming the back of my thighs, he drags me into his lap, my core pulsing as it comes to rest above his growing erection.
My hands dive into his hair, pulling him needlessly closer as I fall head over heels for everything that is Kai Benning. He consumes me. Devours every essence of who I am until I no longer know which way is up. There’s no beginning and no end. Only us.
A desperate whimper slips past my lips, breaking the moment as he pries his mouth from mine. Our eyes connect, his blown with lust and shining with a vibrancy that wasn’t there earlier. He’s breathing as heavily as I am, and I can tell he’s holding himself back.
Unintentionally, my eyes dip to his swollen lips.
His hands move to grasp my upper arms, holding me back. "Don’t," he growls, sounding pained and barely restrained. His fingers press into my skin, guaranteed to leave bruises, and I get the impression he’s holdinghimselfback as much as he is me. "I can’t kiss you. Not here, and not like this.” I watch his internal struggle play out across his face, his teeth gritted as he grapples with his self-control. “I’m so close to losing it. One more touch and I’ll…” I desperately want to know what he’ll do, only he doesn’t even allow himself to finish his sentence, instead shaking his head to dispel the thoughts.
