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Still sounding agonized, he forces out, “I refuse to let my feelings interfere with my responsibility to protect you, and I know if I give in to you right now and we go where this is headed, that’s all I’ll be thinking about when I’m around you."
That doesn’t sound so bad.
He must see that exact thought written on my face as he tightens his grip on my arms to gain my attention. “I can’t think like that with all of this shit going on. I can’tprotect youif I’m thinking like that—if I’m distracted—and I refuse to let you be another casualty in my life.” His eyes search mine, filled with a potent mixture of fury, lust, fear, and awe. “You mean too much to me. I will not give myself over to you and make you mine until I can be guaranteed that I will not lose you.”
My heart skips a beat, a smile tugging at my lips despite the fact he’s basically acknowledging his feelings but saying he can’t be with me. "You want to make me yours?"
His fingers tighten around my upper arm once more, his eyes flashing with primal possession. “In every way a man can,” he growls in a deep voice that sends tremors right to my very core and threatens to snap the weak clasp I have on my self-restraint. “You’re everything I never knew was missing from my life. You’re strong, resilient, and smart as hell. You’re not afraid to stand up to Wilder and go toe to toe with Hawk. You’ve handled everything with Mel with grace and determination." His eyes search mine, softening at the edges. "I’ve been dead inside for so long that I’d forgotten what it felt like to be alive. I’d decided that my life ended the day Laura’s did, only you’ve been slowly reminding me that’s not the case. I think it’s time I reclaimed my life and started living it, for the both of us."
Goddammit, I want to kiss him so badly, right now.It must be written all over my face, too, because he tacks on, “Afterwe deal with Mel.”
Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes as I mentally talk down every muscle in my body screaming at me to surge forward, to claim his lips, to own his body, snatch his soul and shove it into mine where it belongs. Only when I’m confident that I have myself under control, do I open my eyes and meet his stormy gaze. “Fine, so long as you know that I’ve already decided that you’re mine, and after we’ve dealt with Mel there will be no more reprieves.”
Carnal desire burns in his emerald depths, and the corners of his lips quirk up in a smug smile. “Trust me, Blackbird, once Mel is taken care of, I’ll be all over you, in you, on you. You willneverget rid of me.”
Chapter17
EMILIA
We spent the rest of the day brainstorming ways in which I could communicate with Mel. Without a phone or knowing her location, it’s pretty tricky. However, according to her, she is always watching. So, instead of using my words, I have to communicate with her through my actions.
Which is why I’m awake before the sun is up, stress-cleaning the kitchen in a hideous, mauve-colored dress. In fairness, the dress is actually really pretty. It’s silky soft and accentuates my curves perfectly, even if it does show more cleavage than what I’d generally wear while teaching. Still, I resent it, because I’m wearing it for Mel. Because purple is her favorite color, and this was the best idea we could come up with to get her attention. Although if it works, I don’t care. At this point, I’d dance around in purple panties if it gave Kai the opportunity to capture her.
I’m wearing bright yellow marigold gloves that go all the way to my elbows while I scrub at a stubborn stain in the sink when a bleary-eyed Wilder walks in.
“I’ve been looking for you,” he grumbles.
“Well, you found me,” I snark, scrubbing furiously at this stupid fucking stain. “However, if you’re here to give me shit, I don’t wanna hear it, Wilder.”
Obviously not giving a crap, he storms around the island toward me. His brows furrow as he runs his eyes over me. “You look fucking ridiculous.”
Though, I’m not paying attention to what he’s saying because my attention has snagged on the sheet of paper in his hand.
“You read it,” I murmur, half in shock. I expected him to fight me tooth and nail, to refuse to read it out of pure stubbornness alone.
"Yeah, I fucking read it," he growls. His sharp tone has my eyes flicking up to meet his wild ones. For the first time, I notice they’re bloodshot, and he’s got dark rings under his eyes. Was he up all night reading that letter and debating what to do? If that’s the case, I can’t figure out what conclusion he came to. He looks pissed, haggard, and unhinged. I’m guessing that can’t be a good sign for me.
His shoes eat up the space between us as he strides toward me, and I drop the brush in my hand, turning to face him as he cages me in against the sink. I have to crane my neck to stare into his stormy eyes.
“Did you work out what you want in life?” he snarls viciously.
“Yes,” I say breathlessly. “Unsurprisingly, it was the people I left behind to go find myself. Hadley and the guys, Hawk… You.You’rewhat I want in life.”
His features give nothing away as he bites out, “And are you donefindingyourself?”
“No,” I respond honestly. “All I succeeded in doing was losing myself. I only started to find myself again when I came here. I’m not complete without you or Hawk. You both took pieces of me, and I can’t function without them—without you.”
Wilder’s chaotic brown eyes dart back and forth between mine. "You better be goddamn sure about that, Angel, because there’s no fucking escape. There will be no fleeing this time. You’re mine, now. Not even death will separate you from me."
His lips slam down on mine with all the force of a sledgehammer, smashing through all the fractured pieces of my soul that I’d delicately put back together and sending them scattering across the floor. We were already intertwined after the other night. Yet, as his tongue sweeps into my mouth, devouring everything in sight and claiming every crevice for his own, I know we’ll forever be inseparable from this moment on.
Wilder has laid claim to my heart, and with every clash of my tongue against his, I lay claim to him. Every dark, rotten part of his soul belongs to me. It’s mine to nurture, mine to tame. Mine to make whole.
“Say it,” he growls against my lips.
I may have written that letter four years ago, but it may as well have been yesterday, for I remember it clear as day. And I know exactly what he’s demanding.
They aren’t difficult words to say, and despite the hardships of the last month, they come effortlessly to me.
