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Remy shot her friend a grateful look. “That sounds like a lot of fun.”
“Great. I will arrange it.” She winked at Remy. “In the meantime, maybe you can make a list of what you need in terms of makeup and anything else so we can be prepared for tomorrow.” Lacy glanced at her watch. “I’ve got a conference call at eight that I need to prepare for. Why don’t you text me the list in the morning, and we’ll go from there.”
Remy nodded and tried to stifle a yawn. The rum in her tea made her head fuzzy. That, and the endless, emotional day. “I think I might crash. I’m exhausted.”
Everyone started moving. “Alex, let’s talk through what you’re thinking for tomorrow,” Mitch said.
Gage got off the floor. “I’d like to be there for that, too. Dani, you want to join us?”
She nodded.
Lacy and Logan started toward the elevator. “We’ll be in Lacy’s office if anyone needs us,” Logan called over his shoulder as they headed out of the room.
“We’ll be in Mitch’s,” Alex responded as she and the whole group headed toward the back hallway to go down the stairs.
Remy looked across at Hawk. “I’m going to go to my room.”
He nodded.
She started out of the room and then stopped. She turned back to him. “I…I want to apologize for risking your life earlier. I know you think what I did was stupid, and you’re right it was but I…just…It was just such a shock. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
Hawk stood and walked toward the bar. “I get it. Being lied to on a fundamental level is difficult to absorb and process but, Remy, you need to think of your safety.”
“That’s just it. Safety doesn’t seem so important when your whole life is tied up in lies.”
“I know. You’ll eventually come to terms with it, but you need to be more cautious.”
She sighed. “I know you think you know what I mean but, honestly, until you’ve been through it, I don’t know, it just changes how you see the world. Safety just doesn’t seem so important.”
He walked behind the bar and poured himself a bourbon. He raised the bottle, but she shook her head. He picked up his glass and added a lot of ice. “When I was eighteen, just after high school graduation, my older sister told me that she was, in fact, my mother. The people who I’d grown up calling ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’ were actually my grandparents.” He took a swig of his drink and swallowed. “So, I know what it’s like to have your whole life based on a lie.”
Her heart lurched. “Oh, my God. That must’ve been so painful.” She couldn’t imagine the betrayal he must have felt. She drew in a breath. Her pain was a fraction of what he must have felt. “I’m so, so sorry.” The scope of her words covered condolences, and another sincere apology.
He shrugged. “I also know what you mean about safety. I immediately joined the Navy after finding out. I had no interest in being around the people who had lied to me for all those years. It took a while, but then I made it through BUDS training and became a SEAL. I didn’t care about my safety. As far as I was concerned, I didn’t have anyone back home. I could do my job and take more risks than the others because my death would cause the least amount of pain. I made sure to not have any connections anywhere. My death would matter the least.” He locked gazes with her. “So, I fucking get it.”
He did get it. He understood what she was saying. She shouldn’t be surprised. Hawk had seemed to understand just about everything she was going through before she even realized she was going through it.
He rattled the ice cubes in his glass then put it down on the counter. “But the truth is, that’s just a defense mechanism. Push everyone and everything away because then no one can hurt you again. I understand that all too well. Trust me, eventually you will come to accept that your grandfather had reasons for doing what he did. You may not agree with them, but you just have to go with the fact that those decisions were made with your best interests at heart.”
“Are you in contact with your family?” she asked in a quiet voice.
He nodded. “We’re not close like we used to be, but I stay in touch.”
The pressure in her chest eased a bit. The thought of Hawk alone bothered her. It was nice to know his family was still part of his life. She’d give almost anything to have her family back.
“Thanks for…setting me straight. I get what you’re saying. I’ll try to take it one day at a time.” She gave a small shrug. “I think I’m going to head to bed.” She turned and walked to the room she was staying in, closing the door behind her.
She got what Hawk was saying, but itwasdifferent for her. She had no family left. There were friends, but she knew there was no one who would be devastated to lose her. She suddenly realized that she should communicate that thought to Alex and Mitch. If there were risks to take, she should take them. She had the least to lose.
She walked back over and pulled open the door only to find Hawk blocking her doorway. He seemed to fill up the whole space. Was he always this big?
“No. You shouldn’t volunteer to take the most risk,” he growled.
CHAPTERNINETEEN
“Jesus, how did you know—” She broke off.
Hawk crossed his arms over his chest. “Like I said, I’ve been there. You’re thinking my situation is different because I still have family, but you don’t. You’re not thinking clearly.”
