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When she gets quiet again, I add, “We don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to, but can you just tell me if you’re physically hurt?”
I feel her shake her head back and forth. “My body’s fine. It’s my head that’s fucked up.”
Not really knowing what to say, I just hold her. It doesn’t take long for her breathing to even out. Listening to the sounds of her soft snores is enough to lull me into a deep sleep right along with her.
I don’t wake up until I feel Jenna’s soft lips press against mine in a couple of light pecks.
When I open my eyes, I see her baby blues looking back at me. They look all puffy and red from the emotional day she’s had.
“Hey there, beautiful,” I say in a soft voice.
“Hey, sweets,” she greets with as much of a smile as she can muster.
Lifting my head, I glance toward the clock and see that it’s three in the morning.
“Damn,” I say. “I must have fallen asleep hard.”
She nods. “Me too. That’s about all I’ve done in the past twenty-four hours. Well, that and cry.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask, trying not to sound pushy.
She takes a deep breath and seems to get lost inside her thoughts for a few moments. “Today, everything that I’ve been pretending doesn’t bother me hit me all at once. I tried to get a job with absolutely no luck. I decided to go for a walk which was going fine until I tried turning a walk into a jog and realized I couldn’t do that so easily anymore. The floodgates open, and I fell apart. I crawled in bed and have only gotten up to pee.”
Pushing a loose strand of hair out of her eyes, I ask, “Sunshine, why didn’t you call me?”
Her shoulders shrug as her gaze leaves mine. “You were at work, and I didn’t want to bother you with all my drama.”
“Jenna, look at me. I need you to hear what I’m about to say.”
Her eyes slowly move back to mine.
I continue, “You calling me when you’re going through something will never bebotheringme. In fact, you calling me foranythingwill never be bothering me. And as long as I’m here, you’ll never have to go through anything alone ever again. I’ll always be here whether it’s to talk…or listen…or just hold you. But for me to do that, you have to let me in.”
A couple of silent tears roll down her cheeks. “Where have you been hiding?” She asks with a small laugh and sniffle. “Why hasn’t someone scooped you up yet?”
Wiping away her tears, I reply, “Maybe I was just waiting on my dream girl to walk back into my life.”
That earns me a small smile. “Always so smooth.”
“Only to you, Sunshine.”
“Shane, I need you to know something,” she begins as the tears return. “None of this sadness is because of you. You’re the only one who makes it any better. I just seem to have this awful habit of not dealing with any of the bad shit when it happens, and then everything hits me all at once, and I fall apart. When I was in school and playing volleyball, I was constantly busy, so it made it easier just to pretend I was okay. I would feel the bad feelings seeping in, and I would exercise or go for a run. All those endorphins would help. Now, I’m forced to feel everything, and I’m not sure how to avoid it anymore. I just need you to know that none of the bad feelings are because of you.”
Kissing her on the forehead, I tell her, “I know, beautiful. How about when you start to get upset, you come to me, and we’ll try to work through it instead of avoiding it? Then, maybe things won’t come crashing down all at once.”
She sniffles again and nods.
Still having the overwhelming urge to take care of her, I ask, “When was the last time you ate?”
“I have no idea.”
“Okay, you need food,” I say, moving to get out of bed.
Before I can go, Jenna grabs my hand. “Hey, I know I’m not always great at showing my feelings, but I love you. You know that, right?”
Giving her a soft kiss, I reply, “Yeah, beautiful. I know.”
Chapter Thirty-eight
