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Jenna
When Shane gets up to fix us something to eat, I stay in bed and try to find the motivation to get up and follow him.
But it never comes. The comfortable bed cradles me in such a way that I’m not sure I’ll ever want to leave.
I wish that Shane being here with me would be some sort of magical cure to make everything better. I wish my depression would just vanish at the sight of him.
But it doesn’t work like that. Does Shane being here help? Absolutely. I feel infinitely better than I did mere hours ago, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel the weight of the world hovering over me, ready to crash down at any moment.
But damnit, do I feel lucky to have Shane standing in my corner. He is beyond fantastic when it comes to all of this. I very rarely show others my depression, instead opting to hide away from the entire world until it passes. My whole family knows it exists, but most of the time, they leave the issue alone and let me handle it in my own way.
When Justin and I were dating, I let him into my world enough to know that it existed but always stayed clear of him when it decided to rear its ugly head. He never seemed all that interested in my problems. Though I guess, to be honest, I wasn’t all that interested in his either.
Then, there’s Shane. A man who doesn’t try tofixmy depression but also doesn’t try to avoid it. A man who doesn’t try to avoid the metaphorical black rain cloud over my head but instead lays under it with me while it pours.
How did I get so lucky? I think the universe must have realized it was about to put me through the wringer and sent me the best silver lining it could think of.
It isn’t long before said silver lining comes walking back in. He sets a plate of sandwiches on the bed between us.
“What do we have here?” I ask, picking up one of the sandwiches.
“Fluffernutters,” he replies, picking up a sandwich for himself.
“Fluffernutter? As in peanut butter and marshmallow fluff?”
“Yep. My choices in your empty kitchen were fairly limited. Tomorrow, I’m going to go to the store and stock you up on groceries.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I try to assure. “You have to work in…” I glance at the clock. “Shit, like three hours. I’m sorry, Shane.”
He shakes his head back and forth. “I don’t have to work.”
“What?” I’m positive that he only had one day off this week, and this wasn’t it.
“I traded shifts with Taylor.”
“When did you do that?”
“About five minutes ago.”
My eyes go wide. “You texted Taylor at four in the morning asking him to switch shifts with you?”
“He spent all day yesterday talking about some hot date that he had last night, so I figured he’d be awake off and on all night. It turns out I was right.”
“Why did you tell him you wanted to switch shifts?” I ask, slightly embarrassed.
“Just told him that you weren’t feeling well, and I thought it would be good for me to stay here and take care of you.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
Smiling at me, he takes a bite of his sandwich. “I know. I wanted to.”
Lifting the sandwich to my mouth, I take a bite, and it only takes a moment to remember how good these things are. I don’t think I’ve had one since I was a kid.
A memory of my daddy making these for us kids hits me hard, but I keep eating. I mean, it’s still a good sandwich, and the way I’m devouring it makes me realize how hungry I really was.
Shane notices my slight change in demeanor, though. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, Sunshine?”
“My daddy used to make these for us when we were kids.”
