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He cleared his throat and took a step back, too furious to even process it properly. I took a step toward him. "Why do you do that? Why do you walk away from me when I'm trying to talk to you? Why do you act like you don't want to talk to me anymore? Why do you act like I've done something wrong?"
He grabbed my shoulders, backing me up several steps until my shoulder blades were against the wall. "Don't you fucking get it? I love you, Nissa. You are my best mate. The person I worry about. The person I think about all the time. I’ve always got you on the brain. I'm only worried about you. That you have what you need, that you're happy, that you're safe. And then you just go out with someone like that."
"Well, maybe I was trying to get your goddamn attention. Because sometimes I feel like you don't see me."
I could feel the growl that emanated from his chest all over my skin. "I see you, Nissa. You are all I fucking see. Why don't you know that?"
"Why have you never said anything?"
His gaze was hot and fiery on mine. Anger, and frustration, and something else I didn't recognize. "Nissa, I could tell you that I want you. I could tell you that I crave you. I could tell you that I need you in my blood, and I still wouldn't be able to do a goddamn thing about it. So it is probably for the best if I just keep my goddamn mouth shut. It's better if I don't tell you those things so I don’t feel like I have my heart ripped out. You are literally my best mate. But I know what Julian would do if we cross that line. You might not, but I do."
"I don't care about Julian. I just want you."
He swallowed hard even as he shook his head, but he didn't release me. "You don't know what you're saying, Nissa. You should go out with blokes like that twat tonight, but ones who are more respectful, obviously. You should go out with blokes that spoil you and know to open doors, know exactly what to say, and have been to the same schools. I'm not that bloke. I don't have any of that right now, and you deserve better."
He released me then, and I could see it in his eyes, the resignation, the way he was moving away from me. The way he backed away. I didn’t even know what I wanted exactly. All I knew was I wanted him, and he was going to stop this. I didn't know what I was doing. I just reached for him with my hand on his chest, over his heart.
Westin closed his eyes, putting a hand over mine and holding me in place. "Nissa, I'm not strong enough to walk away from you. I don't want to. This is wrong. If Julian finds out, he—"
"I don't care about Julian. I care about you. I only went out with Frank because I thought maybe I could forget you. And I thought maybe I wouldn't think about you all the time. But I do, and it sucks."
He swallowed hard and took a step back. "Nissa, you deserve the best."
I took a step toward him. "I think I've already got it. I think I've had it all my life. From the moment you picked me up by the creek, I think I have had the best."
He took another step back. "Nissa, the things I have done… You don't deserve—"
"Westin?"
"Yeah?" His voice was hoarse, a scratchy whisper, so husky it was barely intelligible.
"Why don't you let me decide what I want?" He swallowed hard. This time, he was the one pressed up against the wall. "Unless you don't want me."
“I’ve wanted you in some capacity every single day since the moment I saw you. You have always been the first person I thought about every morning and the last every single night before I sleep. You are more than just my best mate. You are literally everything to me. I know I don't deserve you."
"Shut up. I know what I deserve. And I know what I want. Westin, it's you."
For a long moment, I thought he wouldn't kiss me. I thought that he would continue to hold back. I thought that he would push me away, again. But his tongue peeked out and moistened his bottom lip, and his hands shook as he raised them to cup my face. "Nissa, tell me if there's something you don't like, okay?"
I nodded vehemently, tilting my head up so that he would kiss me. And I expected a harsh claiming, like I'd seen in the movies. I didn't want to tell him, but Frank had been my first kiss and it was awful. Too much saliva and far too much tongue, and God, way too many hands. I didn't want him. I wanted Westin. But Westin only always looked at me like a little sister. But right now, the way he looked at me and held my face so gently, it's like he took the control away from me.
When he brushed his lips over mine, they were soft, explorative, and oh so gentle. It was like melting into a kiss. It was the perfect kind of kiss. One where a flash of heat was immediate, blazing hot, and difficult to ignore. I was too hot, but all I could do was latch onto the flame. The kind of kiss where my insides were turned into molten lava with a simple flick of his tongue. When he pulled back, I whimpered, trying to pull him closer to me. He groaned low, dropping his forehead to mine. "I am going to be so addicted to this."
I knew exactly what he meant because at that moment, Westin St. James was ruining kissing with anyone else ever again. When he laced his fingertips in mine, letting our breaths co-mingle, I came down to earth ever so slightly, lifting my gaze to his. "I really, really like your kisses."
"I really, really like yours too, Nissa."
"Are you going to kiss me again?"
He nodded again. "Yeah, I am. Except, I'm going to give you the chance to say no, a chance to walk away. You have already given me more than I could ever hope to have."
I shook my head. "Westin, I want everything with you."
His teeth scraped over his bottom lip and his bright blue eyes scanned mine, assessing, gauging me. He kept my hand in his and pulled me down the hall to his room. I thought there would be this flurried motion of arms and legs and lips and teeth. Every brush of his lips on mine was like kissing live wire. It was coursing through my skin, and Westin took his time. Whether it was a soft kiss to my cheek or the way he gently pressed his fingers under my shirt, he was being careful.
I was more desperate. I clawed his back, his biceps, trying to get closer, desperate to have more. I knew something fantastic was waiting under the layer of cloth between us. I knew that something precious yet so tenuous was right there. I could feel it. And Westin was holding back. It wasn't until I finally reached forward and placed my hand on his face like he did with me earlier and whispered, "I love you," that he finally knew I really wanted this.
His gaze searched mine, then he started blinking rapidly as if trying to clear the tears from his eyes. When he kissed me again, there was no more hesitation.
