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“What happened with Josh?”
She told Tessa about being scared to death when he’d come in the night before and she told her about him taking Summer to the hospital gala. “I get that we’re not anything to each other, but I don’t know. It bothered me when I saw him with her, and then later there he was, reading over my shoulder.”
“So, he went out with someone else and then got to read some of your hot stuff?”
“Pretty much. That’s it in a nutshell.” Caroline stopped and turned. “But he was so sweet, you know. He was sorry about startling me, and then he touched me…”
“Uh- oh. And today he was protective and understanding?”
“Yup. The bastard.”
Tessa giggled. “I could not get over the picture you showed me. He’s the hottest man I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Good Lord.”
“Well gorgeous or not, it’s all in the past.”
“It sucks.”
“Does it ever get easier?” Caroline asked. “The relationship thing?”
“Girl, I have no idea. I guess we’ll find out.”
* * *
Today was a disaster.As Josh sat in his office, he kept seeing Caroline’s face as she told off her mother and sister, and he couldn’t help thinking about his role in the mess. Logically, he knew the drama had been brewing among the Rossi women for a while, but he felt responsible, like the catalyst.
What was supposed to be a nice afternoon with family turned into power struggle between people he really cared about. The realization, that he cared, was going to make everything harder.
Josh stared at the site report he and Caroline had talked about the day before. He’d written some notes in the margin and left a voice mail for his secretary, telling her that he needed a meeting with his father and the investors about the property on Monday afternoon. Then he’d talk to the engineering firm about doing additional tests. At some point, he would probably be in the same room with Mark the Asshole. He hoped he had the opportunity to make Mark as uncomfortable as he had made Caroline.
Caroline.
He’d found the business card she’d left for him. On the back she’d written a simple message.
I’m sorry if I made things awkward. Call if you need me. C.
Watching her walk out of the house today triggered some revelations about himself. Revelations about how he treated women and the unspoken expectations he might have. Looking at his cell phone contact list, he knew exactly which name to press if he wanted sex. Sure, he always included a concert, a gallery opening or dinner at the latest hot restaurant, but he knew who to call. He knew who would be ready and willing. They’d have a reason to dress up, the opportunity to be seen, and Josh knew she’d be very happy to take him to her bed to their mutual satisfaction.
Just like Summer expected when they’d gone out.
He’d never promised a relationship to any woman he dated, and over the last ten years he never even had to ask for sex. Ever. The expectation was understood on both sides. Without a doubt, his partners were always happy when he called again. He lived in a world without connection, without depth.
His office was sterile, predictable, just like his life. There was no clutter. However, in a nod to his past, his guitar rested on a stand in the corner. Grabbing it, he sat on the couch, right where Caroline had been the other morning. Picking at the strings, he hoped the music would drown out the noise in his head, but so far it wasn’t doing him any good.
Caroline hadn’t played games; she laid it right out there. And Josh wasn’t used to her brand of honesty. It flew in the face of everything he’d learned growing up and in business.
It was rare people surprised him. Josh had a pretty good sense of who someone was within a few minutes. With men and women he met through work, a handshake told him a lot. With women he dated, conversations revealed certain things. The bedroom revealed others.
Caroline may not have liked her work, but she was good at it, and she was going to give clients her best. The few minutes they’d spoken about his project told him she was light years ahead of the people already working on that team.
The other piece of it all wasn’t what he expected. The sex. The sex had put his emotions in a vise grip, and he didn’t know what to do about that. Being in bed with a woman had always been about release. Mutual satisfaction. There was never anything invested other than getting naked and having a few mind-blowing orgasms. But with Caroline, everything had been put out there.
The fact that she’d been a virgin still weighed on him a little. What really got him wasn’t that she was tentative or shy; she was anything but. She was open, curious and willing to try things. She’d touched him looking for his approval. He could hear her voice in his head asking him if she was doing something right, telling him if he was. It was incredible to be with someone so open, so brave.
Someone so much fun.
And it was fun. When they went back to bed the second time, they’d laughed and played and Josh had never been there before. He didn’t laugh in bed. He got down and dirty, but he didn’t laugh. Caroline had opened a new door and he didn’t know if he ever wanted to go back through the other one ever again.
He’d been missing that intimacy and he thought he was okay with it. Josh wasn’t an idiot. If he liked something, if something felt good, he knew there was probably some price for it.
