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“I could see why he’d be upset.”
She snorted, sipping her drink. “Me too, but you don’t need to hear that one. Sit, Daniels. Spill. We’re besties and it’s time you start accepting it.”
I sat. I spilled. I did not spill everything, but it felt good. I had to admit that.
Then, when she was leaving, she offered, “I can go downstairs and let Sky and Z know the truth, if you want? You’re prime gossip channel material, and trust me, you’re going to need a few of us on your side. If we know the deets, we can shut down the absolutely crazy pants ones.”
“I’m okay.”
My phone began ringing after that, and Taz gave a wave before leaving. “Okay. Offer’s always there. Fair warning. I’m going to text you tomorrow. You will have to respond to it. Also what friends do. They text about just general stuff. Rarely are threats involved. Real threats. Take note.”
I was answering as she shut the door. “Hey.”
It was Cruz. “You got back okay?”
I settled back down on my couch, a blanket over my lap. My computer was still next to me, but since Taz’s arrival, I hadn’t reopened it. “I did. How’s your head?”
“All fine.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah…”
I had to laugh. “We suck at phone calls.”
He laughed. “I was just thinking that. Why are we doing this again?”
“You know why.” My stomach clenched, and my phone dropped.
“We’re doing the actual friend route? Like the kind where we talk and share how our day went? Shit like that?”
I was playing with the edge of my blanket. “I guess. Taz was just here and said kinda the same thing, but I don’t really do this with anyone. I typically don’t trust anyone for this stuff.”
He was quiet. “That’s kinda messed up.”
I sighed, sinking lower in the couch. “I know. I blame my mom.” That was half of a joke, half not.
“Has she reached out again?”
“No. I mean, yeah, but she’s blocked. A weird number started calling this last week. They won’t leave a message. I mean, they do, but it’s just heavy breathing.”
“That’s creepy. Could be her other friend?”
“Could be anyone.” I went back to playing with the edge of my blanket. “How’s your sister? Your mom?”
“Uh, they’re good.” A brief pause. “Sorry, not used to being asked about them either.”
“Is this new for both of us?”
“I think so. I mean, I never had a girlfriend in high school. If I had sex, it was just that, you know. And my friends, we talk about hockey or stupid shit. Sometimes they ask about you, but not in a nosey way. They aren’t like that.”
“I know. I appreciated how they all were quiet about me coming over. That doesn’t always happen.”
“A lot of girls like sex. Guys too. No one should be judging.”
“You saying that is probably part of the reason you and I were doing what we were doing.”
“Were?”
My breath halted in the middle of my chest. “I mean… You know what I mean.”
“Right.” He didn’t sound like he did.
I sat up. “Look, with my mom how she is, I lived life keeping two worlds separate. My home life and my social life. That shattered in January, and now there’s a weird mix where people in one world know about the other and I can’t change that. I’d run like hell in the past if that had happened, but I’m not this time. I can’t, but I also don’t want to. I think, I think I need to do this.”
“Mara.” He said my name quietly.
“I just don’t want to go back to bad habits, and you know, it’s new to me and I want to be cautious. I know it doesn’t make sense, but you know about my mom. You’ve met her. Zeke knows about her. He has my back. Taz, which is new. You. This is a big step for me. I feel weird even trying to explain this.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I know, but–”
“For real. You don’t have to. I get it.”
I was almost shredding my blanket, picking at it. “The original agreement was that if we’re having sex with each other, neither of us has sex with anyone else. I’m changing that so if you want to, you know. You can. With someone else.”
Please don’t.
He got quiet, again.
I clamped my eyes shut, so tight. Waiting.
“I have no plans for that, but… Thank you. I guess?”
He guessed?
Okay. We weren’t a couple. That had never been on the table, so I got it. I understood. He was keeping his options open. That’s what he was doing. Totally made sense.
“Right.” From me.
“Yeah.” From him. Still quiet.
“Okay. I’m going to go. Study. I wouldn’t be surprised if we had a surprise quiz in abnormal psych tomorrow.”
“Me too.”
I stared at my phone, holding it.
I didn’t end the call. I stared at my phone.
