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I tilted my head. “What do you mean?”
“Height, ethnicity, educational background—that kind of thing.”
“I’m not sure yet. Looks don’t matter to me so much, as long as the baby is healthy. But the number of options they give is overwhelming. They even show you some of the donors’ childhood photos. I mean, how do you choose?”
“I think it comes down to a gut feeling.” He massaged my heel.
I sighed. “Yeah, probably.”
As he continued to rub my feet, I looked down at my phone and noticed I’d received a new email. It was from Archie. My heart clenched. He and I hadn’t been in touch as often lately. I hadn’t told him about my plans to undergo intrauterine insemination. When I opened the email, my stomach dropped. I needed to read it in private.
Straightening suddenly, I pulled my feet back.
“Everything okay, babe?” Jason asked.
“Hmm?” I blinked.
“Is everything alright? You look like something upset you.”
“Yeah. Everything’s fine. I just need to…use the bathroom. Be right back.”
I headed down the small hallway in my apartment. Closing the bathroom door behind me, I opened the email again.
Hey Noelle,
I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. There’s been a lot going on, and it’s time I filled you in. There’s no easy way to say it. Mariah and I are getting divorced.
I know this might come as a shock since I hadn’t told you we were having problems. But the truth is, there’s been trouble in paradise for quite a long time. I just haven’t wanted to admit it.
I don’t even know where to begin. We told Clancy tonight, and I feel like such a failure.
You and I haven’t spoken on the phone in ages, but this is all too much to write. If you have time to talk tonight or tomorrow evening, I’m around.
I hope everything is going okay with you. I saw a photo of you recently on Facebook, and you seemed really happy. It was so nice to see your face.
Hope to talk to you soon.
xo
Archie
When I returned to the living room, my boyfriend asked, “You good?”
The shock was likely written all over my face, so I had to be honest. “I got an email from my friend, Archie. I’ve told you about him.”
“The chef out in Cali?”
I nodded. “He’s…apparently getting divorced. I had no idea. He had to tell his daughter tonight. He wants to talk on the phone to give me the details. Archie never wants to talk on the phone, so I know he must be upset. He asked if I had some time to call him.”
“You want some privacy?” Jason asked.
“No. Stay. I just wanted you to know why I need to hop on the phone for a bit.”
Jason grabbed his keys from the coffee table. “I’ll head out. It’s just as well, babe. It’s late, and I told Jay I’d stop by and take a look at his car before tomorrow. It’s giving him some trouble.”
Jason’s kids, Jay and Alexandra, both lived about thirty minutes away in New Jersey, where Jason also had a house. He often jetted back and forth between my apartment in the city and the suburbs.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. Go give your friend a call.” Jason wrapped his arms around me and placed a firm kiss on my lips. “I’ll bring you breakfast in the morning.”
After he left, I picked up the phone and dialed Archie, my heart racing more with each second.
His voice sounded strained when he answered on the third ring. “Hey, Noelle.”
“Hi.”
“I didn’t think I’d hear from you so soon. This is a pleasant surprise.”
“Is now a good time?”
“It’s perfect, actually. Clancy’s already in bed, and I’m otherwise alone.”
“That was some email you sent me.”
“I know. I’m sorry for not mentioning anything sooner. I felt like I owed it to my daughter to make sure she was the first to know.”
“I understand.” I nodded. “How did she take it?”
“Well…she cried. And I feel like a monster.”
I lay back on my couch. “What happened, Archie?”
“What happened?” He let out a long exhale into the phone. “That’s a really fucking good question. It probably can be summed up like this…” He paused. “I married someone I wasn’t truly in love with because it felt like the responsible thing to do. By the time I realized I couldn’t make myself fall in love with her just because she’d had my baby, we were already married. I refused to give up, not wanting to fail my daughter, yet all the while failing as a husband and pushing my wife away through lack of affection and intimacy. So while I wasn’t technically the one to end my marriage, I all but forced her into the arms of another man who gave her exactly what she needed. Mariah insisted on a divorce so she could be with said man because I would’ve continued to stick it out for my daughter, while my wife and I remained miserable.”
