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“I hope you know I’d do the same for you,” he said. “I feel like you’ve always had your shit together, so I’ve never been able to prove that. My life has taken some crazy turns, but in the midst of everything, you’re always on my mind, Noelle. Even if I don’t always reach out.”
It was so good to catch up, even if the circumstances weren’t exactly joyful. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed Archie until tonight.
But as soon as I had the thought, a voice of warning sounded in my head.
Be careful, Noelle. You’ve come so far. Don’t ruin it.
CHAPTER 20
ARCHIE
AFTER A REALLY rough stretch, things were finally looking up in my life.
A couple of months after breaking the divorce news to Clancy, I’d settled into a new normal, purchasing a small home down the street from the house where my daughter still lived with Mariah in Irvine. My place wasn’t fully furnished yet, but it was a work in progress. The one room I’d managed to complete was my daughter’s, as I tried to make the best of the situation, letting her pick out the colors and breaking the bank on all new furniture and décor—anything to lighten the blow of her having to live two separate lives thanks to my mistakes.
Because I worked at the restaurant on weekends, I had my daughter two weekday evenings at my place and visited her every chance I got when I wasn’t working on Saturday and Sunday mornings. We’d sometimes have breakfast or lunch together on those days before I had to head into work.
I’d asked Mariah not to let Andy move in with her for at least a year. Thankfully, she hadn’t argued. I’d been lucky that my soon-to-be ex-wife was a fairly reasonable person. I supposed I should also feel lucky that she’d found someone to share her life with. This divorce would’ve been inevitable whether she’d met Andy or not. At least she wasn’t hurting so much anymore, so I didn’t have to feel any more guilty for not loving her the way she deserved.
Then a few days ago an email had hit my inbox, knocking the wind out of me in the process—more like turning my world on its axis. The funny thing was, I’d been thinking about Noelle more than usual even before that message. Now that my life seemed to be on even ground again, I’d finally had time to think about all the things I’d been missing. I’d been pondering finally going to visit her, which was long overdue. I’d even looked at flights to New York.
But since reading her message, I’d been in an almost frozen state, unable to form a response. Normally, when I had such a dilemma, I’d write to Noelle and get her advice. But how was I supposed to do that when the subject of my dilemma was Noelle herself?
One Sunday afternoon, with an hour to go before work, I finally bit the bullet and picked up the phone to call her. Any more time without responding might make her think I was judging her or something, which wasn’t the case at all.
She answered after a couple of rings. “Hey, Archie.”
“Hey, you.”
There was a brief pause. “I take it you got my email.”
“I did.” I swallowed. “I have to be honest. I opened it a couple of days ago. I wasn’t sure how to respond.”
She laughed nervously. “That’s not very encouraging.”
“No, no, I was just a little shocked. You’d never even hinted at this. I had no clue it was something you’d been thinking of doing.”
“I know. I kept it to myself.”
“I’d always imagined you getting married and having kids the traditional way. But there’s nothing wrong with doing things unconventionally, if that’s what you really want.”
“Well, life doesn’t always make it possible to get to your dreams the way you’ve imagined.”
“I get that—totally. Especially with what you told me about the endometriosis. I obviously had no idea you were going through that, either.” I hesitated. “Noelle, please know I respect whatever decision you make. I just wonder…if you’ve thought this through. Thirty is still pretty young.”
Her tone became a bit defensive. “Just because I’ve only now told you about it, doesn’t mean I haven’t been considering it for a long time. Believe me, this decision was not one I made lightly.”
My chest felt tight as I tugged on my hair, but damn, she had a good point. “The guy you’re dating is okay with this?”
“Our relationship is not what you’d consider traditional. It works for us, though. And he is fine with it, but this is my choice, not his.”
“Of course,” I agreed, though I didn’t really understand.
Sure, Jason already had kids, but if he cared about Noelle, why the hell would he want her using a stranger’s sperm to have a baby instead of offering his own? That made me not trust this guy, even if he had his reasons. It told me he didn’t plan on sticking around forever. It made me want to strangle him. But I couldn’t tell her that. And it wasn’t like the idea of her having his baby made me comfortable, either. So, not sure what I was even rooting for here.
