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“What did you choose?”
He looked away for a moment. “I don’t use anything.”
My eyes widened. “You didn’t need anything?”
“Nope.”
“Wow.” I leaned back and crossed my arms. “I can’t imagine that. I mean, it’s one thing if you’re home and relaxed in your shower or something. But when people are waiting? That would make me nervous and unable to perform.” I felt my face heat. “What do you…think about?” What the hell? Is this the hormones talking?
Archie’s face reddened, which was odd. He was normally up for any topic of conversation.
“Not sure you want to know,” he said.
“I can handle it.”
“I don’t know about that.”
I shook my head. “You know what… It’s none of my business. I—”
“I think about you.”
I froze. “About me?” I swallowed.
He ran his thumb along his mug. “Does that surprise you?”
“Yeah, actually, it does.”
“It shouldn’t,” he said, holding my eyes.
“I didn’t think you thought of me like that anymore.” My nipples hardened.
“You don’t think I’m attracted to you?”
My face felt flushed. “I don’t understand why you would choose to think about me, when you could think about…anyone.”
His brow lifted. “Is that a question?”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “I guess it is.”
He continued to look me in the eyes. “This process—as much as it might seem procedural in some ways—is very erotic to me. I can’t help thinking of you when I’m in there, knowing that what comes out of me is going to end up inside of you. That turns me on.”
My mouth fell open as I struggled to formulate a response. That was just about the hottest thing I’d ever heard. I felt it between my legs. I cleared my throat. “Wow. Okay.”
He took a sip of his coffee. “Now if you want to call the perv police, I’ll understand.”
“No.” I laughed. “I get it.” Because I’m turned on by the idea of having part of you inside me, too.
“Fantasizing about you isn’t new,” he added. “You’ve been forbidden to me for so long for one reason or another. I’ve thought about you a lot over the years.” He exhaled. “I don’t mean to be disrespectful. I know you have a boyfriend. I’m not telling you this to seduce you or anything, either. I just want you to know how beautiful you are, because sometimes I think you doubt that.”
I felt ready to collapse. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to be honest.” His mouth spread into a smile. “Are you sorry you asked?”
“No,” I answered. “I think it’s kind of sweet, in a weird way.”
“Just to clarify, there’s nothing particularly sweet about the thoughts I have in that moment.”
Heat raced through me again. “I figured.” I managed a laugh. “I feel connected to you, too, in this process.”
“It’s a little scary how connected I’ve been feeling lately,” he muttered.
“Scared?” I asked. “Are you having doubts about moving forward after this one?”
He shook his head. “No. Not at all. But the lines are blurring more than I thought they would. I’m more emotionally invested. You probably figured that out based on my reaction when Jason was here—how badly I freaked out.”
I nodded. “He picked up on it, too.”
Archie’s jaw tightened. “I’m not sorry if I made him uncomfortable. If he didn’t want you to turn to me, he should’ve offered to be the one.” He paused. “But I have to say, I’m damn glad he didn’t.” He glanced over at the clock and jumped. “Shit. I lost track of time. I have to go pick up Clancy. You want to come with me, or should I drop you back home on the way?”
I needed a break—or maybe a cold shower. “I should go home. I’m a bit behind on work.” And I desperately need to bring myself to orgasm after this conversation.
I busied myself with finding my purse, and Archie dashed around a moment before he led me out to the car.
“Do you mind if I tell Roz what we’re really doing?” I asked as Archie settled into the driver’s seat.
He glanced over at me as he pulled into traffic. “If that’s what you want. You’d said you didn’t want anyone to know.”
“It’s hard lying to her about why I’m here. It’d be nice to have someone to talk to about what’s happening in my life.”
“It’s your choice.” He sighed. “I do think we can trust her. She’s been like a second mother to me since Mom died.”
I nodded. “Thank you.”
• • •
That evening, I sat down at the kitchen table and explained everything to my roommate. She was shocked at how much I’d been keeping from her.
“That boyfriend of yours deserves a fat reward for putting up with this.”
“It’s a tough situation for sure,” I agreed.
“Don’t get me wrong, he’s a catch. Jason is a good-looking man, though quite frankly, he seems closer to my age than yours. I got the impression he does very well for himself, too. But I have to ask… What are you doing with someone who can’t give you everything you want?”
