AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Julia, I hope you don’t mind, but I don’t feel well. Willie and I are going to head out.”
“Is everything ok?” Willie and I asked in unison, my brows were knitted angrily at what I witnessed.
Eve looked flushed. “Yes, everything is ok,” she swiped at the baby hairs framing her heart shaped face. “I just think it’s best that we leave… you know, since I don’t feel well. I’m sorry. I’ll talk to you later.” She snatched her purse, her shaking hands clutched onto Willie, and they left as the warm bread grew cold in my stuffed mouth.
9
Nathan
Jane Copeland liked to psychoanalyze every bit of my boring day, and seeing how she was a therapist, I suppose it was only normal.
She always talked about being mindful and staying in-tune to life’s alarms. Wake up calls was what I called them, and I supposed mine was in the form of a little pink slip. I was transferred to North Carolina over a year ago, luckily landing a gig working beside Chief Mike, the only other chief in the South willing to take me in. He ran a tough station, with even stricter rules. Now I was forced to see Jane twice a week, addressing the drunk elephant in the room that landed me in hot water to begin with. I didn’t mind it I suppose; if it kept me on the fire rescue squad, then it was worth it. It also kept Chief happy, and to be honest, he’s the only man I’d ever feared.
The doc’s office, it wasn’t bad. Empty, a little lifeless, but it kept my focus on where it should be, myself. Amongst the accolades and over-watered plants in Jane’s office, sat a framed picture of her family. I stared at it every time I visited the office, the image of her and her husband, tickling their laughing daughter who sat between them. Having a kid was always in the plan for Emma and me, but it never happened. Time slipped away, along with her. How does one cope with death anyways? It was a challenge, when even an obscure photo could take you back to a mindset of what could have been. I guess that was why I was here, sitting in an oversized chair, learning to find my new normal.
“Nathan, so happy to see you! How’s Winston?” Though observant, Jane treated me more as a pal than a patient. She often wanted to hear more about my border collie Winston than about my day, which was fine, considering my time was spent mostly with him anyways. My therapist thumbed over her journal. “So what’s new? Talk to me,” Jane inquired. She scribbled notes into her little black book anytime I spoke while nodding her head in agreement. Most days could feel like a never-ending loop, especially with Jane. We had an almost ritual, a predictable pattern of back and forth, but I truly did enjoy it. The station could be an echo-chamber of amplified insecurities, but here I could actually talk without getting my balls busted.
“Well since the last time we spoke I met a girl. A beautiful girl.” I could see Jane peering over her book, with an intrigued smirk. “I don’t know, I guess it just feels odd. I don’t know if you would call it infatuation, or if I’m just crazy,” I looked around the room, maybe crazy wasn't the best word to use amongst Jane’s profession. “It’s scary. After losing Emma, I didn’t think I could even begin to have feelings for anyone else. Do you think it’s possible that I could ever… love again?”
I was honest with her, but in the last few months there had been nothing new to report to her, except the fact that I hadn’t had a sip of alcohol since I moved into town. Now, I had something to ramble about, kind of, for the next forty-five minutes anyway.
“I think everyone has the capacity to heal and the ability to love strongly after a loss. That doesn’t take away anything you once had, it’s new, and that’s ok. Now tell me more about what happened.”
I sighed. I couldn’t tell if Jane was now asking as my therapist or as my friend. I knew she wanted the juicy gossip the moment she closed her little black notebook.
“Well,” I pinched my nape then ruffled my hair. “I met her at a bar.” Jane wiggled her eyebrows at the mention of the word bar. “We had a great moment the other night.”
“Bar? Did you drink?” Her glasses fell onto the tip of her nose. Like a cowboy, she was ready with her pen, ready to pull the trigger with a page full of notes.
“No drinks, Jane, but the moment we had, it was… intoxicating in itself. Almost surreal, as if the chaos of a full bar paused itself. The noise, the bullshit, all on hold while we were together. It felt like we were alone, and I mean, actually alone in our own world. I only remembered where we were after the whole bar cheered us on as we kissed. So weird.” Thinking about it made my stomach dip with nerves.
“Sounds pretty nice to me, so what’s the problem?”
“Well, I met her fiancé… shortly after that moment.” I gawked down at my calloused hands. The corner of my thumb was all chewed up, a mild result from me staring at my phone for Julia’s potential next text, but it never came. Should I have been surprised? No. But was I? Yes, especially with how that dick head of a fiancé treated her in front of everyone.
“Oh,” Jane quipped, I could feel her mentally reaching for popcorn, listening to chaos of my night as if I were a Lifetime special. Bar Night Beauty Brawling was probably the title that was flashing over my head like a large marquee.
“Yeah. Her friend gave me her number, and I couldn’t resist. I just pulled the trigger and shot her a text.” Jane always kept a squish-able blue ram on her desk, the mascot from her university in the form of a stress relieving toy. I always ended up reaching for it to squeeze or toss in the air. Today was no exception, and she allowed me to use it in exchange for my stories. “I know she can do better, and I think the whole bar knew it too. Besides, her fiancé seemed to have an attitude problem, you know, the kind of problem I’d like to fix.” I squeezed the blue ram tightly as it expelled a distracting gush of air, signaling my queue to place it back. My not-too-subtle admission actually felt stronger in my heart than I led Jane to believe. I really didn’t appreciate how Robbie treated Julia, and I wanted to remind him who he was and where he belonged—nobody and nowhere.
“Well, for his sake, I hope you kept your cool.”
“Always,” I replied with a grin. Jane knows all about my past drunken bar fights, especially with assholes like Robbie. It was like I had to do the work their daddies never did. “The trash isn’t worth the trouble.” I ran my finger over the small scar above my lip, a token from old Nathan who would drink and look for trouble. I could take a punch and used to invite it. Getting hurt was distraction from Emma, but you can only put the pain on pause for so long.
“Well what happened? Have you heard from her?”
“Nope.” I leaned back in my chair, seemingly unfazed but quite the opposite. I wasn’t good at hiding my feelings, and Jane rolled her eyes. “I don’t like it, but I’ll respect it.”
For the rest of the session, I showed Jane pictures of Winston. I was glad the chief paid for her services and not me, because I was not too sure what my treatment was anymore. Maybe she liked my company, that’s fine, it got me out of the house.
Once outside her office, I put my matted helmet on and hopped onto my bike. I always sat in the parking lot in front of Jane’s window, revving my engine loudly as she began a session with a new patient. I would do this until I saw her finally get off her seat to come shoo me away. It cracked me up, and before she actually reached the window, I always sped away onto the street.
I made it back home and sat around with Winston. Just eating away, watching his favorite movie, Air Bud. I couldn’t tell you why it was his favorite since he couldn’t talk, but I thought it reminded him of one of his buddies that he saw at the park. While Winston watched, it gave me time to relax and check my messages. Still nothing.
It was already getting late, and I was feeling too lazy to make dinner. I eyed the Chinese takeout menu that hung from a magnet on my fridge. Winston did like sesame chicken, maybe we could share a bowl. As I went to grab my phone, it buzzed loudly in my hand. My heart sank, wondering if it was Julia. Of course not. It was Willie, his silly face popped up on my screen. I sighed out loud, enough to warrant a slobbery kiss from Winston, probably annoyed for interrupting his movie.
Willie: Saw your girl Julia tonight.
Nathan: She’s not my girl, but how did you see her?
