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“I’ll be fine.”
“Ana, take the damn jacket.” I took it from his outstretched hand and pulled it on before heading towards the double doors that led me out towards the moonlit lake.
The soft leather drowned me as I walked bare foot through the grass towards the rose garden. Although it was dark, I hadn’t bothered switching on any lights, I didn’t need them tonight. I sat on the damp grass as I traced my finger over the plaque Lorenzo had placed for my grandfather. I would have to add one for my grandmother now too, that way they’d be beside one another here and in heaven. I liked to believe they found each other the moment she left us. She’d always say he’d be waiting for her, and I never doubted it.
“I hope you’re together again,” I whispered as the roses gradually lit up, row by row.
Lorenzo…
I tilted up head a little and noticed our bedroom was still in full darkness, but the room I once occupied wasn’t. He stood at the window, staring down at me. He wore a towel wrapped around his lower half and it was clear he had no intentions of staying with me tonight. No intentions of saying goodnight. No intentions of anything.
I would have preferred to be anywhere but here right now, but what would that say about me if I walked out.
I wanted and needed answers, and tonight, I had planned to get them.
I knewshe was making her way up here; I watched her movements carefully as she rose from the wet grass. It was obvious she was in pain, but she didn’t let that faze her from getting what she wanted. I knew Gino had given her his jacket. I knew the guys would have shown her more love than I had done, but I was finding it so hard. I wanted to shower her in fucking love but there was something in my brain that stopped me. I never realised how hard it would be to see her in pain and covered in bruises, and how hard it would be to see her breathtaking face swollen. It broke me. The moment I entered that poky room they’d kept her in, I felt sick, seeing her lying on that brick of bed with Chad standing over her sent me rocketing over the edge. I knew he would pay for everything they put her through, they all would. Hell, they all did but that would never be enough, what I did for her would never be enough.
I was sick of everyone telling me to stop with the pity party, they didn’t understand what it was like to see the one you loved that way. I understood they all adored her, but at the end of the day, she was my wife. I had fuck all to deal with today, I just couldn’t be here, I couldn’t look in her tear filled eyes and hold her like she wanted me to. I didn’t want to make her cry. It was the last thing I ever wanted but I was at war with myself, and I didn’t know how to prevent that, I didn’t know how to wrap my head around everything.
I thought taking Chad’s life would have made me feel better, but it only made a mere dent.
“I take it you’ll be sleeping in here again tonight?” Anastacia spoke from the door. She’d removed Gino’s jacket, her bruises back on full display.
“Ana, please.” I pressed at my temples with my thumb and middle finger, hoping she’d drop it, but this was Anastacia, and I knew she wouldn’t.
“Please what? Drop it?!” she snapped. “Why should I?” She slammed the door as it rattled the frames on the walls.
“Ana!” I bit back, unable to hold back my anger and heartbreak.
“Don’t fucking Ana me! How long do you think it will take you to get over what happened?!”
I went to speak, to interrupt her, but she stopped me. I couldn’t remember the last time she was this angry.
“I get it. You had a hard time while I was away.”
“You weren’t fucking away. You were missing!” I screamed.
“Do you think it was easy for me? Do you think we were having tea parties and cosy chats in that ice box of a room?!”
“Of course I don’t!” I muttered.
“Then stop looking through me, stop treating me like a doll who’s about to break!” Her voice rose with each word, she really was her father’s daughter.
“You don’t understand.” I turned my back to her, and I hated myself for doing it.
“You’re right, I don’t understand.” She sighed. “Because you won’t stay long enough near me to explain it and I don’t know why. I don’t know how I can make it right. I don’t know what I can say for you to get it into your head that what happened wasn’t your fault.”
“You can’t say or do anything.” She couldn’t, this was something I needed to do alone as I always had done.
“Well, how about I give you space to figure it out.” She opened the door, and I knew she hadn’t left, yet. “I will be at my parents whenever you’re ready to be the Lorenzo I married and not the one I met.”
Was she really going to leave?
“Ana, don’t leave…” I pleaded; my eyes trained on the rose garden outside.
“You see that right there is where you just went wrong. I would have believed you wanted me to stay if you looked at me, but you didn’t.” I glanced over my shoulder as she stepped out of the room. “All I wanted was to feel your love, your touch, for you to hold me while I inhaled your scent, that’s what got me through every dark and lonely night, the fact that you’d find me, and I’d feel safe and home, but I don’t.” She waited for a moment until she realised I wouldn’t answer, then she left with nothing but the clothes she wore.
What the fuck was wrong with me?!
