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She deserved the world and what was I giving her?
Nothing…
* * *
The day of the funeral came around and I decided not to go. She didn’t need me there, not when she had her family beside her. The ones who had made her feel safe these last few days, the ones who had never let her down like I had.
As I entered the kitchen, I saw the four guys dressed in their best black suit, crisp white shirt, black tie, and freshly shined Oxfords.
“Where are you going?” I asked althoughI already knew.
“The same place you should be,” Red snapped as he straightened his suit jacket.
“Why aren’t you dressed?” Emmet asked as he eyed my attire.
“Because he’s not fucking going, that’s why.” Red was on fire today, his acid tongue having a great bloody time.
“Leave it, Red,” Gino advised, but I knew Red was right.
“No, I won’t leave it! I’m sick of leaving it!” He squared up to me, his finger jabbed into my chest and maybe before all this I would have broken it or worse but now I realised it was probably what I needed to hear no matter how much I hated it. “I’ve stayed quiet for too long, walked on fucking eggshells around you since the moment she came home, and it’s like you’re not even here!” He huffed.
“Red.”
“I’m not done, you’re going to shut up and listen to what I have to say whether you want to hear it or not. I drove her home the night she told me she wanted to leave, and I watched how strong she remained in the front seat although her heart was breaking. She went through shit, and you blame yourself for that and we get it, but acting this way isn’t going to make you feel any better. You’re pushing the one woman who can put up with you and your shit away and you seem to enjoy every damn second!”
“I fucking hate it!” I shoved him away from me with ease. “I should have got to her earlier, even if it was only thirty minutes. I would have saved her from some of the pain,” I cried. “I’ve never had to deal with this shit before and I know I’m cocking it up royally, but she’s the love of my life and—”
“Then show her, show her you’re there for her and will be until time allows.” Gino smiled. “She needs you just as you need her.” He looked at me with hope, but it faded quickly.
“Keep an eye on her today, she’ll need it.” I nodded as I watched the four of them leave through the garage door.
I knew they thought I was a prick or worse and I was, there was no denying that, and I wasn’t about to. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and flicked through our honeymoon photos. There were hundreds or more, and in every single one, we looked happy. So happy it would make many envious, even I envied us in those photos. I envied the carefree man I was on that trip. The one who showered her with love and affection, I didn’t even have to try to make her laugh, she did it anyway. I want nothing more than be that man again.
I longed to touch her, longed to kiss her, longed to hold her so fucking tight she’d have to beg me to let go, and she was right. I looked at her like she was about to break, and I should have known better than anyone she wasn’t one to break easily. Even I didn’t understand why I distanced myself from her, I couldn’t comprehend why I did it.
But I knew what I had to do…
I had to shake this shit off and be the man she needed, wanted, and loved and I couldn’t do that from here.
Thirty minutes later, I had showered, changed into near enough the same outfit the guys wore, and was almost at the church. I parked in the small gravel car park and made my way up the church steps to show Anastacia I was the only one she needed. The moment I quietly stepped inside, I was overwhelmed with how many people were actually seated before me, her friends, her family, and even a few of our closest alliances grandparents that knew her from when she was our age. But there was only one person I saw…my wife.
She wore a turtleneck fitted dress that stopped at her wrists and knees. Her usually bare legs were covered with dark stockings and a pair of black court shoes that added a few inches to her height. She looked elegant and graceful as she stepped up to the stand to recite whatever she held in her hand. Her hair fell around her shoulders as the light shone down on her, and she looked like an angel, and that was what she’d always been to me.
I stood watching her for a moment. I didn’t want to interrupt her. I didn’t want to throw her off. The moment she spoke, I realised how much I’d missed her, and I knew then and there I was ready to bring her home for good.
She recited the first paragraph of her poem perfectly, but the moment she reached the second verse, her voice broke little by little as I noticed the paper shaking between her trembling fingers. I couldn’t stand here and watch her break down in front of all these people.I wouldn’t. Victor rose from his seat to make his way to his daughter, but it wasn’t his job today,it was mine. I ran towards her as her eyes met mine instantly, and in that moment, all I saw was her, the way her lips parted, the way her eyes glistened with tears, and the way her face was clearly in shock to see me sprint towards her.
The second I reached her, I pulled her into my embrace, and it was the first time I had truly held her since she had been home, and fuck did I miss it.
“I’m here, I’m right here,amore,” I whispered into her hair.
“I thought you didn’t love me anymore.” She sobbed quietly enough to not be heard by the amount of people waiting.
“I’ll always love you, Ana, you’re my endgame.” And she was, she was my sunshine on a rainy day, she was my everything. “Do you want to continue?”
“Don’t leave me,” she pleaded as she gripped my hand.
“I wasn’t planning on it.” I wrapped my arms around her waist as she slowly composed herself to continue, making her grandmother proud.
