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And about time I learn whether or not if our decisions caused the problems Paige is dealing with, he added to himself as he left the hospital and got into his Jeep. He had no idea where he was going…or where Paige would be this time, but he continued to drive, thinking back over everything she’d said, everything she’d done since coming back. The wheels turned into the mine and back along the route towards what used to be the north passage. Maybe seeing the disaster would help them now.
Chapter 14
“Paige?” the word whipped across the rocky area towards her, and she looked up. On the other side of the now rock filled valley stood Joel, his face looking haunted, and yet a relief seeped through him she could tell.
She refused to acknowledge him. He didn’t deserve for her to, not really, but she waited as he picked his way across the once grass filled valley towards her. He stopped next to her and sat down, taking in her sketchpad, camera bag and computer in a single glance and let out a sigh.
“We thought you’d left.”
“Thought or hoped?”
“Why the hell would we hope you had left? We want you to stay Paige. All of us, including your new nephew.”
“So, Kendra finally had the kid?” she asked shooting for what she hoped was an indifferent tone.
“He’s pretty cute; they’d all like to see you.”
“No interest in seeing him, not as long as Kendra’s around. Besides, I’ve got work to do.”
“So I see. Is this where you’ve been disappearing to all week?” he questioned not quite understanding where the animosity between her and Kendra came from still.
“Maybe, look, you found me, I’m safe. You can go tell everyone I haven’t gotten myself killed and I haven’t left, though with the new kid here I’m sure they really don’t care.”
“Do you know how pathetic you sound? What’s wrong Paige? You’re no longer the baby and it’s getting to you?”
“I don’t give a damned about being the baby of the family. I just don’t think the entire family is being honest right now and that’s why I refuse to go see Kendra or her precious little bundle.”
Not to mention the fact that seeing him and them happy will only highlight what I will never have…can’t have,she added to herself.
“But you’ve been so upfront about everything haven’t you? You and yourtwomiscarriages? Your inability to have children? Tell me Paige, who was the father of these babies? Did they even know about them?” he questioned unable to let it go.
“No, he didn’t, because he didn’t care enough to open his eyes and see.”
“Paige…was it mine? Were they both mine?” he asked forcing her to look at him.
“Why does it matter whose they were? Neither of them made it into the world. Saves I’d say considering the fact that I never wanted them,” she lied unable to meet his gaze.
“Liar, you kept dropping hints about a future and kids before you gave me the ultimatum…because you were already pregnant, weren’t you?”
“Maybe I was; would it have made a difference? Would you or my father have listened to me,reallylistened? I doubt it. You would have both thought I was making it up to get my own way; after all, I’d always had before, hadn’t I? Neither of you got what I really wanted. What I’d always wanted. For you to hear me, so I left to make things happen myself.”
“You haven’t answered me, Paige.Wereyou pregnant when you left?” he demanded gripping her hand tightly when she went to pick up her bags.
“Yes, are you happy now? I was about ten weeks along. I knew the instant it happened basically, but I didn’t want to believe it. I mean, I was twenty, we had everything ahead of us, but it didn’t matter, did it?Ididn’t matter enough for you to tell me the truth.”
“That’s not true Paige. If we’d known…do you think I would have willingly let you leave knowing you were carrying my child? I wanted you then. I want you now.”
“Wanting isn’t enough Joel!” she shouted stalking away as tears assaulted her. “You wanted to control me just like my father. You wanted to do what was right for me and because of that…because of that, I left and got myself so worked up that I went into labor just shy of twenty weeks. They couldn’t stop it and then the baby’s heart stopped. Do you haveanyidea what that’s like? To know now that it could have all been avoided if you all had just come to me with your concerns? I hated myself for the longest time until I finally had to push my feelings away so I could sleep. Then I started working with the rescue squad and not feeling was a blessing. Until it all came crashing down on me with a phone call, saying my father’d had a heart attack.”
“The second baby was mine too, wasn’t it? I’m the reason you can’t have kids.”
“Fate’s a real bitch. We get together for one night and I end up pregnant again. Then came the Fairway incident and I couldn’t deal with it. All of the emotions I’d tried to push away came crashing in on me heightened because of the excess hormones and I knew I needed a break.”
“So, you left? Were you ever going to tell me?” he questioned walking over to her as she looked over the valley.
“I was on my way here. I was coming home when fate decided to be nasty. Everything was fine one minute and the next I started having cramps. I knew something was wrong and by the time that I’d gotten to the hospital, I knew whatever it was wasn’t good. They did an ultrasound but couldn’t find the baby and decided it was ectopic. Then my fallopian tube burst, and they had to do surgery.”
“Jesus Christ Paige…baby, I’m sorry,” he said reaching out and pulling her towards him.
