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Herb shook his head delicately and took a sip of beer. “I always thought you were the prettiest girl on the island. The more things change, the more things stay the same.”
Eloise’s cheeks burned with embarrassment. All she wanted was to protest— to tell him that he had it all wrong. She wasn’t beautiful, and she was nobody.
But in the silence that unfolded after his compliment, Eloise allowed herself to believe, if only for a moment, that she really was as beautiful as he said. And maybe, just maybe, she would allow herself whatever happiness this life allowed her. She just had to be brave enough to accept it.
ChapterTwenty-Two
Julia made Anna an appointment to confirm the pregnancy, where they learned, together, with their hands linked, that Anna was six weeks along. Anna sobbed gently into her hand as she looked at the collection of cells on the screen before her. Dean should have been with her— he should have been the one holding her hand. But instead, it was her mother, Julia, who gazed down at both her and the image of her grandchild with similar tears and eventually said, “That’s your baby, Anna. Aren’t you already in love?”
After the appointment, Julia and Anna roamed through the sunlight outside the clinic, walking nowhere in particular until they found themselves in front of a seaside restaurant.
“Are you hungry?” Julia asked Anna, her voice soft and sensitive. Anna’s hunger was always coming and going, never a sure thing due to her sorrows and trauma.
“I need to feed this baby,” Anna said, both hands over her stomach. For the first time since Dean’s death, she felt very sure that she needed to sustain herself. Someone else’s needs now came far above her own, but they necessitated that she take good care of herself.
Anna and Julia sat on the patio and ordered iced tea and a salad to share, one with goat cheese and spinach and tart dried cranberries. For their main course, Anna ordered a filet of cod, while Julia opted for chicken.
“My baby girl, all grown up and pregnant.” Julia smiled and gripped Anna’s hand gently on the table.
“You told me a month ago not to have a surprise pregnancy,” Anna reminded her. “Because my apartment was too small to accommodate a baby.”
“Did I?” Julia shook her head, searching her mind for the memory. “I don’t know why I would have ever told you not to have a surprise pregnancy. Surprise pregnancies are the best! It’s how your father and I had you, you know.”
Anna had heard this many times. She laughed, sipped her iced tea, then furrowed her brow. “But you must have been terrified.”
“Absolutely terrified,” Julia affirmed. “Your father and I were just two selfish, crazy young people. Maybe we were in love, and maybe we weren’t. But when I took the pregnancy test, we looked at each other and realized we had to change some things.”
“You weren’t much older than Eloise was when she had Harriet,” Anna said.
“Very true,” Julia said. “There are so many differences between our stories. For one, Eloise is quite a bit older than me. Imagine being pregnant at sixteen in the early seventies.”
Anna shivered at the thought. “And her father was so cruel.”
“Just awful,” Julia agreed.
“What if you had gotten pregnant at sixteen? Do you think Grandma and Grandpa would have handled it well?” Anna asked.
Julia thought for a moment, her eyes on the glowing horizon along the water.
“I know things were already crazy at The Copperfield House,” Anna added hurriedly, remembering the horrible trial that had put Bernard in prison.
“It’s okay. It’s a good question to ask,” Julia said kindly. “I’d like to think that my mother would have had compassion for me. But to be honest with you, things were quite intense at my house back then. Artists were always coming and going, becoming something big in the art world, and there was constant pressure to become something, as well. Had I gotten pregnant at sixteen, I think my mother and father would have been very, very disappointed in me. And I hate to say that, but I have a hunch it’s true.”
Anna frowned. “I have a feeling you wouldn’t have been pleased with me, either. And, oh gosh. Imagine what Dad would have said. He wouldn’t have talked to me for months.”
Julia locked eyes with Anna. “It’s so hard to know what would have happened. I’d like to think I would have handled it with grace and love, but who knows? Back when you were a teenager in Bartlett, Illinois, your father and I were so hopeful for your future. I mean, we still are. You’re doing wonderfully, honey. And now that you’re older, I know you can handle both a career and a baby. If anyone can, you can.”
Anna dropped her gaze, thinking again of her father, who’d continued to text her nearly every day since Dean’s death. She sipped her iced tea and held the silence for a while as so many stories stirred within her head.
“Something I can’t get over,” Anna began, “is that Eloise keeps saying she doesn’t hold a grudge against her father. That she forgives him for what happened.”
Julia raised her eyebrows. “I’ve thought the same. I don’t know if I could forgive someone for that.”
“I told myself I never wanted to talk to Dad again,” Anna said very quietly.
Julia remained silent.
“Do you think I’ll regret it?” Anna breathed. “I mean, what he did to me, to our family, is basically nothing compared to what Eloise’s father did to her.”
