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“Thanks?”
“Don’t fuck up again,” he ordered, getting to his feet. “You’re lucky Otto went for ya before I did that night because I woulda dropped ya.”
My face went slack with surprise.
“Figure that girl doesn’t have a dad lookin’ out for her,” he said quietly. “And the one she had was shit.” He looked at me. “Consider me a stand-in.”
It took a few minutes for me to pick my jaw up off the ground and he was nearly halfway across the yard before I could think of anything to say.
“Don’t you think that’s a bit incestuous?” I yelled, making heads jerk my way in confusion and disgust.
Uncle Will just flipped me off over his shoulder as he reached Aunt Molly.
“Get off the table,” my mom ordered as she and Emilia came up behind me. “We’re setting the food out.”
“What’s wrong with your face?” Emilia asked, grabbing my arm as I tried to get out of the way.
“Just had a super fuckin’ weird conversation with my uncle,” I muttered. “You can call him Dad from now on.”
“Wait, what?”
“New weird conversation coming in hot,” my mom announced as my dad strode toward us.
“You ask ’em?”
“I didn’t say anything, Thomas,” my mom replied primly, bustling around the table.
“You find anything you wanna do yet?” my dad asked Emilia bluntly.
“Uh, no,” she replied slowly. “I was thinking teaching, but—”
“They don’t get paid shit,” he barked.
“You’re off to a great start,” my mom told him, laughing. “Keep going.”
“You know, you could be quiet for two fuckin’ seconds,” he shot back.
“What fun would that be?”
“Dad, did you have an idea?” I asked before their bickering really got going.
“Real estate agent,” my dad said, grinning. He made a frame with his fingers and looked at Emilia through it. “It’s perfect.”
“Um.” Emilia looked at me, her eyes so wide it looked like she was having some kind of fit.
“I’m serious,” my dad said, nodding. “You can sell my houses.”
“Sell your houses?” Emilia said slowly.
“He’s not insane,” my mom said drolly. “Just looks like it.”
“Look, I wanna flip ’em,” he said, ignoring my mom. “I don’t wanna do all the paperwork shit when I’m buyin’ and sellin’, so I have to hire a realtor for that.”
“You want me to buy and sell houses for you?”
“Heather takes care of the accounting shit, so we don’t go under.”
“Thank you very much,” my mom said, taking a small bow.
