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Chapter
Twenty-Nine
Phoenix
We enter the penthouse overlooking Seattle, a sprawling cityscape of steel and glass, shimmering and shining in the light. The view of city is a tapestry of lights and skyscrapers. The clouds are purple, pink, and orange, as if a god had exploded a box of crayons in the sky. It’s raining, the droplets streaking against the glass of the floor-to-ceiling windows that master the far wall.
This penthouse is a rich man’s home with a view. It reeks of money but also loneliness.
The living room is lined with beautiful furniture, each piece delicately upholstered and crafted with care from a nameless interior designer Athena hired. I don’t care what the apartment’s interior looks like, but my sister does. All I care about is the wall of windows which offers a stunning vista of the city below, the sparkling waters of Puget Sound, and beyond.
I like to see the world. I just don’t want to walk within it.
The room is silent, save for the chirp of a bird perched on the balcony outside. I step closer to the window, feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin, and a gentle sense of peace settling in my heart.
Home. Though it’s not the same as Olympus Manor, it most certainly still feels like home.
Safety. Ani and I are most certainly safe.
Comfort. We can be very comfortable here... forever.
“Oh my god. You have a view of the Space Needle. Of the entire city.” Ani spins around to face me with wide eyes. She’s wearing a yellow dress, and although I have loved every second of her being naked at my whim, I have to admit the bright, cheery color on her only elevates the light she exudes.
“Views are important to me considering—”
“Considering you never leave your house,” Ani finishes for me.
Ani means well, and she’s just trying to understand, but I can’t help but feel judged. I draw a deep breath and try to explain myself.
“It’s not like I’m afraid to leave my house. It’s not fear. But it’s not like I have a choice in the matter. It’s something I’ve been dealing with for a long time, and it’s hard to explain.”
Ani looks at me sympathetically, her dark eyes full of understanding. She reaches out and grabs my hand, squeezing it gently. “It’s okay. I understand.”
But do I? Do I even understand myself?
Leaving Heathens Hollow and flying in the helicopter took every ounce of strength I had. No doubt Ani saw the demons taking hold of my throat and strangling me the entire way of the trip. I didn’t say a single word to her the entire trip, but she also didn’t expect me to or push me to. I appreciate that more than she can know.
I fucking hate being this way.
The walls of this penthouse are a reminder of what I could have been and what I am. I had the opportunity to see the world and experience so many things, and yet here I am, living in a bubble of security, hiding from reality.
I’ve chosen the safety net of a life of seclusion and comfort, but I wonder if I’m missing something more. Maybe there’s more out there for me than the secure life I’ve created for myself. But the thought of taking that risk terrifies me, so I stay put. I remain in my own little world, safe, secure, and fucking lonely.
I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want to be scared of taking a chance because I’m afraid of the unknown, but it’s hard to quiet those fears when they are so deeply ingrained within me.
Ani puts her hand on my shoulder and squeezes it gently. She looks into my eyes, and a part of me feels she understands what I’m going through. She understands just how penetrating darkness can be.
For a moment, we stand there in silence, taking in the view from my penthouse. The Seattle skyline stretches out before us, twinkling softly in the evening light. The Space Needle stands tall and proud, a beacon of hope and possibility.
As I watch the city below, the darkness inside begins to ebb. Ani’s presence beside me is a balm for my soul. Maybe I can overcome this internal prison after all. Maybe I can be brave enough to step outside my comfort zone and experience the world beyond my walls. Maybe her light can defeat my darkness.
“I like the way you furnished it,” Ani says, leaving the window for the first time and assessing her surroundings.
“You can thank my sister for that. Athena is the Godwin designer. We don’t even bother to try to argue or go against her vision.”
“You must be glad she’s on your side. From what I know of your sister, she’d win a fight against the Devil himself.”
“Sometimes her bark is worse than her bite, but yes. I’m glad she’s on my side.”
