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“Where?” Nicholas was eager.
“A trip with my cousins.”
“A trip?” my father seemed curious.
“Umm… Yeah. A trip. My cousins’re planning something.”
“Where?” Nicholas wanted to know. “Can we go?” His head swung between Pops and me.
“Ummm… The Caribbean. It ain’t nothing, really.” I was ready to change the subject. “They wanna go somewhere.”
“The Caribbean?” My father’s delivery more spirited. “Aren’t you on parole? Your P.O. knows about this?”
And here we go…
This was why honesty about my complicated life was hard to give. But I was cool with it.
“Yeah, Pops. He do.” Then I turned to my lil bruh. “Look, man. I can’t make Monday happen, but I promise, we’ll chill again soon. Cool?”
Nicholas’ lips twisted to the side in disappointment and he nodded.
“Look,” My father clapped his hands together. “I know you need to get this rental back. Iguess—”
“How much you pay to rent this?” Nicholas’ hype had returned. “We need to get one like this again!”
I took a deep breath. “This ain’t a rental, man. Anytime you wanna go out, we can. Just need to make sure I’m not working.”
“You borrowed this?” My father closely studied the details of the boat again.
I swiped my nose, licking my lips. This shit was awkward as hell, but I wouldn’t fold. I couldn’t. “Nah.”
“No, what?” My father looked me dead in the eyes.
“It ain’t borrowed.”
“Huhn?” Nicholas appeared genuinely confused.
My arm swung out, palm stretching to gesture my baby. “This is mine.”
“How?” my father’s entitled tone appeared. “I hope you didn’t put your pennies into this, but still living in Charmagne’s apartment. You went out and bought a damn boat instead of getting an apartment foryourself—”
“Dad,” Nicholas weakly pleaded. “Please.”
“It’s all good, Nick.” I scratched the back of my head. “Pops.” I scanned the wavy water beyond him. “I know we ‘on’t kick it a lot, but I’m good. I keep a lot to the chest, but maybe we can build some more and I can share details of my life to get you to get me. But…” My attention returned to him. “I’m tryin’ to work us into that space.”God, help mewith the words…
For a long ass while, my father measured me with his eyes. I hated it. It made me feel as though he was deciding his safety, along with his younger son’s, against the threat of me. This scenario was somewhat familiar. It brought back those feelings of our rift. Discord was all I knew with Mark Lamont Sinclair. It was a familiar and very inconvenient truth. It was a singular insecurity I sensed Nicholas had with our father, too.
My little brother was my only motive for subjecting myself to it at my age. I ain’t need this man. All the good he could do was wasted years and years ago. As far as I was concerned, I didn’t have to share the same air as this man ever again in life. But his younger seed, Nicholas, had me here, enduring his inexplicable disdain for me yet again. And I’d stand tall—solid—in the face of the raging dragon all for the kid.
Pops reached for Nicholas, bringing the kid to his side. “This was…different, Jas.” He positioned Nicholas in front of him protectively, prompting him to step off of the boat, onto the steps of the pier where dude I paid was waiting to escort them. “I see you’ll be away for your birthday. Be safe.” He pushed Nicholas to leave the boat.
“Night, Jas,” my brother bade.
“Later, kid.”
Nicholas hung his head and left the boat. My father paid me a last gesture of pity before following.
Chapter 13
