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Noelle shrugged with her brows. My sister was unimpressed with that offering. When had she turned so hopeless? It had to be because of losing her mother. Right? That’s what I wanted to tell myself. However, I knew it was a lie. This dead energy my sister had with me was for me. I’d disappointed her. I’d dropped the ball with her year after year since becoming a mom myself.
“I mean it,” I pledged, fighting down my emotions.
“Okay, Shi-Shi,” she exhaled. “Talk to you guys later.”
“Bye.”
My chest sank after closing the laptop.
“What’s that for?” His thick throat croaked.
Glancing up, I saw Chi-Chi hiked up his chest. So lost in my emotions with Noelle, I didn’t realize he’d traveled over here. I shook my head, taking a deep breath. “Just sitting in my ugly.”
“Chi-Chi!” Amy called over from the bridge deck. “You want to hang out with Rainey and me? We’re going back to the zoo!”
“Zoo?” Chi-Chi’s eyes blossomed wide. “Daddy, I go to zoo.” She wiggled against his chest to be let down.
We watched her run in her strappy sundress and white sandals to the girls. Call me a psycho, but seeing my baby girl dump her dad and me, and happily go with people younger than us made me feel a little abandoned.
“Damn,” Jas echoed my sentiment, scoffing.
I stood to put the laptop on the back of the bar. “I’d like to buy something special for Noelle. I’m sure I can find whatever that is atRue François Sibilli. I can use a drink, too. Have one with me.” I placed my hands on my hips, wanting to say I’d actually prefer to have him fuck me on the bar top for everyone in the marina to see, but I knew that would be an impossible request for Mr. Sinclair.
Jas pushed his hands into his pockets and snorted. “I ‘on’t know about the drink, but I’m game for chillin’ with you.”
“Living with you?” he asked, almost aghast. Jas stopped our little stroll on the beach as the sun set.
I nodded, biting my lip. “Am I neurotic?” I continued our post-dinner walk.
The fresh grouper was amazing, and having it al fresco in France was the icing on the cake. Jas and I had spent the entire afternoon and evening together without a single awkward moment. So…I drank and drank with liberty. The wine was superb and company refreshing. He recommended a walk on the beach to slow my buzz a little before resuming the care of Chi-Chi for the night. So, here we were, being shadowed by men over six feet, five inches while we padded on warm, gravelly sand.
“I mean…” He rubbed his hairy jaw. “Noelle’s your sister, and she lost her moms, so I can see why it wouldn’t be the strangest arrangement. But Brenda’s been keeping her.”
“Yeah, but Noelle’s always wanted to live with me. It just never made sense. Lattice was a good mom.”
“But why now?”
I shrugged. “Because…some of the shit my mother said about me was right.”
“Like what?”
“I’ve been selfish.”
“Yo,Ashi—”
I shook my head. “I have been. And what’s even worse is it’s been my response to not feeling I’ve been in control of my life.”
“If you ain’t have control, who did?”
I stopped and faced him. Was I really sharing my shit? With Jas? “You did. At least, that’s what I believed.”
“Ashira, I ain’t never wanna control you. I was just trying to fit in.”
Chewing on my lips, I turned toward the setting sun then nodded. “It’s never felt that way. When I decided to have Chi-Chi, I felt like I was in a fightformy life. I’d just taken the reigns back from my father and felt like I handed them right over to you and an unnamed, unborn baby, so I worked. I’ve been working hard, trying to assert some control.”
“Control of what? I’ve been here as a support system. I ain’t never trip when you said you had to go to work.”
“But you did when I fell in love with you.” My heart pounded.
