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God, what is this—
WHACK!
A swift kick landed on the blade of my shoulder. That was followed by a loud ass fart from a tiny body. The blow—both of them—reminded me of my company.
Chivon.
Shit…
The smell of her little gas and mild sting in my back snapped me out of my bitchy mood. I’d forgotten she was here with me, which was hard; she took up most of my king-sized bed, leaving me about a third of it to stay out of her way. The girl was a wild sleeper and a difficult one after trips out of town.
We’d flown in fromDellaa few hours ago and I managed to feed and give Chivon a bath before putting her down for bed. I was dog-tired and knew she was exhausted, too. The problem was when returning home from being away, my baby didn’t like sleeping in her own damn bed. I used to try and fight with her, going back and forth all night long from my room to hers when she’d fall asleep in my bed. Tonight, I didn’t have the energy. I didn’t trip when she climbed on my bed and slipped under the comforter. She then kicked it off, crawled over to me, and laid a wet one on the side of my cheek before saying ‘night-night’ and snuggling back into the bed.
I didn’t fight her, already knowing the play. No one told me how after having a child, my life no longer belonged to me. I lived for this girl’s contentment and never tripped over it.But now… It would be nice to add new energy to the place—another adult, of course. I had a ways to go before I could think about having another child. I accepted that when my first was born. Just like I wouldn’t fight this damn “gray” mood, fucking with me again.
Straining, I lifted from the mattress and shifted to leave the bed. I’d never been a man to be in my feelings. Doing that shit was a waste of time and energy. Me, I was a resolution-seeker. Sitting and sulking had never suited me. So what did I do?
I made my way over to the sitting room, closing the glass door behind me. The purple prayer mat was there waiting for me. Taking to my knees, I positioned myself to look to the hills from which cometh my help.
ChapterFive
Part III
February | Three Years Later
“Seben!” Chivon jumped down a step. “Eight!” Another step while clutching my hand. “Ten!” She hit the landing, ready to celebrate.
My eyes quickly skirted around the ground floor. “You missed nine.” Then I lifted my gaze again, peeping out a place for us to hang out of the way of the moving crowd so I could text Lex to figure out where she was.
Chivon hopped on one foot, then the next in her princess dress, tights, and shoes while I held her little hand, clutching our coats beneath the same arm. Service had just ended, and the place was swarming with bodies leaving their seats.Redeeming Souls for Abundant Living in Christ Family Worship Church, also known asRSfALC, was a mad house. I still didn’t feel compelled to be in the church house Sunday after Sunday. For a few years, I’d pop in during weekday services, where I felt the intimate vibe better suited me. My walk was spiritual, and, for me, attending services in the building was mostly for community purposes. I didn’t need to fellowship with a concert-size group of people. I just needed to be fed the Word of God.
Funny thing happened when Chivon was born and could sit up on her own and not wild out: I felt compelled to bring her. She hadn’t been attending children’s church every Sunday like the Carmichael girls just yet. I wasn’t ready, but had been preparing for it. That was why Ezra suggested I sit in the balcony with the smaller crowd. I soon learned there were mostly celebrities there with their children and guests. I didn’t trip on it, though. I wanted to give my daughter a spiritual…springboard I wasn’t given as a child. The community aspect of spirituality, I could dig for her. She would be the better for it and would have the leg up I didn’t coming up. And Chivon loved coming to church. My baby girl got hyped during praise and worship.
“Let’s go, Daddy!” She pushed up from her toes then fanned out her dress.
“I’m trying to look for AuntieLex—”
“Sin!” I heard my name being shouted.
Similar to Chivon’s mother, it wasn’t hard locating Lex in a crowd. She was tall as hell with big and wild natural hair, something we used to clown her about back in the day. I couldn’t front: keeping her hair natural worked for Lex as an adult. But that was something I would never tell her. I’d blow her head up doing it, and that wasn’t something I would allow her big ass head.
“What it do?” I greeted when she made it to us.
“Thanks for coming today!” After a swift, playful punch in the arm, Lex located Chivon. “And there’s my big girl!”
With her index finger in her mouth, Chivon’s face lit up like a Christmas tree as she beamed up to a crouched over Lex.
“Cat’s got ya tongue?” I wiggled her little arm from our clasped hands. “You ain’t gon’ speak?”
“Hi!” Chivon finally broke through her initial shy state.
“Hey, baby! Did you enjoy church today?”
Chivon nodded, watching people greet Lex every seven seconds. I still tripped off her being a damn first lady to a big organization like this.
Crazy.
“What does that mean?” I asked my daughter, pushing her to use words.
