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He found his way to the kitchen, grateful there was half a bottle of orange juice, and poured himself a glass as he plugged in his phone and pushed on Gabe’s contact. It rang, and just when he was sure it would go to voicemail, a hesitant voice picked up.
“I hope you’re sober.”
“I am. And more sorry than I have ever been,” Oliver said quietly. “Any chance we could meet up?”
There was a long pause, then a quiet sigh. “I have to work until two. Then I have a meeting with my advisor. But I could see you after.”
“Come by mine?” Oliver offered, not wanting to invite himself into Gabe’s space until he was certain his boyfriend had forgiven him.
“I don’t know. Is Leo home?”
Oliver frowned. “Erm, no. He didn’t come back last night, but he probably will be by the time you’re finished.”
“Then no. Meet me at that little park by the café. We can talk there.”
Oliver felt like he was being punched in the gut, and he put a hand to his forehead to quell the sudden dizziness Gabe’s words caused. “Are you ending it with me? Is this, like, a break-up conversation?”
There was another long pause before Gabe answered. “I don’t know yet. We’ll talk later.”
Oliver opened his mouth to tell the other man he was sorry again, that he loved him, that he hadn’t meant it, but the line was dead. Swallowing against the lump in his throat, Oliver glanced at the clock and realized he had time to make it to a class, but there was no way he’d be able to concentrate.
Deciding he’d be better off going for a walk to clear his head, he grabbed his keys and left. The day was nice out, sunny without a hint of fog. There was a slight breeze coming from the direction of the shores, but he kept away from the water.
The tourist population was picking up slowly, the shops busier than they had been in weeks, and Oliver found himself browsing, grabbing a couple of trinkets he thought Gabe might like. He found a hat which reminded him of Leo, and a little gold necklace for Coco. He stopped by a little sidewalk café and had lunch, then by two, he was heading back to his place to wait.
The door was still locked, and as he went upstairs to his room, he poked his head into Leo’s room to find it still bare. Hoping his sibling was alright, Oliver put his little gifts on his bed, then headed down for his phone.
A few texts waited. One from Leo asking if he was going out again tonight, two from Coco reminding him to leave his rent on the counter, and that she’d be home tonight so he had better have any mess picked up. And the last from Gabe, saying his lab group had been cancelled and he could meet at three.
Oliver glanced at the clock, then sent a hurried text back, letting Gabe know he’d be there. Slipping into the bathroom, he checked his appearance, then grabbed his phone and rushed out the door.
He wanted to get there early, to compose himself, to think of how to explain his mental state over the last few days. But how could he, when he didn’t understand it himself? When his emotions were buried too deep and had been for too long that he wasn’t sure up from down anymore.
But he had to try. He loved Gabriel far too much to let him go so easily.
He was slightly out of breath by the time he reached the park. He wanted to get there before Gabriel, to give himself a little more time to prepare his apology, but he saw his would-be boyfriend already sitting on a low bench under a tree. Gabe was dressed casually, in jogging bottoms and a tight t-shirt, and he was holding a couple of to-go coffee cups. He gave Oliver a very cautious smile as he approached, and tipped one of the cups up in greeting.
“Hey.” Oliver sat, giving a full body’s worth of space between them. When Gabe offered over the drink, Oliver took it, and immediately smelled a fragrant jasmine tea. He smiled just a little, sipping on the bitter, floral liquid. “Thanks.”
“Thought you could use something easy on your stomach,” Gabe said, clutching his own between his hands so tight, the paper began to bow.
“Yeah.” Oliver used his free hand to rub down his face, curving his fingers around the outside of his mouth down to his chin. “I, erm…I really am sorry. About last night. Or…this morning. Whatever. I was a complete twat.”
Gabe let out a small, tense laugh. “Yeah, you were.”
“I fucked up.”
“Yeah,” Gabe said, offering a slow nod, “you did. I don’t like being talked to like that. I am not your personal fuck toy.”
“That wasn’t…I didn’t…” Oliver cleared his throat, trying not to stumble over his words. “I love you, Gabriel. I have never thought of you that way, ever. I just…my head wasn’t right.”
“Were you high?”
Oliver blinked in surprise. “No. Christ, no I was just drunk. And stupid. And fucking sad, I think.”
Leaning back on the bench, Gabe stretched one arm along the edge, not touching Oliver, but closer than he had been. He sipped on his tea, then set it down on the ground and took a breath. “I need you to explain. Because the last time we parted, you and I were planning a trip to Hawaii, and you said you were going to text me later. Then I didn’t hear a thing until three days later when you showed up at my door at one thirty in the morning, drunk out of your mind, and meaner than you have ever been.”
Oliver felt his cheeks go white-hot with embarrassment, and he looked down at the ground between his feet. “My mum’s dying.” His voice went tight against his will, and he cleared his throat hard. “Early onset Alzheimer’s, or so my dad says. It’s aggressive, and she doesn’t have long. My father decided he should ask my sibling and me to go back to London to take care of her.”
