AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“He’ll be really pleased that you showed up tonight. He always really liked you.”
Gabe grinned. “He was a good friend. I thought about him a lot. Worried. Did a lot of google searches to make sure he ended up you know…making it out alright. Never found much, but he updated his Facebook profile picture occasionally, so I felt like it was safe to assume.”
Chuckling, Oliver shook his head. “He’s still a social media whore. But he’s doing well.”
“And you?”
Oliver sighed. “As well as can be expected. I got through everything, moved past it. Stopped letting my anger control me. Came to terms with the fact that I’m never going to be cured because what happened to me defined me, but it doesn’t have to destroy me.” He stopped and grinned. “All that psycho-babble you used to love so much.”
Gabriel laughed a genuine, deep belly laugh. “Yeah. You seem different. In a good way.”
Settling back into his chair, Oliver felt something uncoil in his chest, and for the first time since he had said goodbye to Gabriel, he realized that maybe he was going to be okay. If there wasn’t a future, that was fine. He would move on from it and live, but this was what he needed. This exactly. The smile, the knowing that ultimately, he hadn’t ruined anyone, not even himself.
They fell into easy conversation after that, Gabriel talking about his past relationships and telling funny stories about several of his students. He talked about defending his thesis, and about the doddering old men in his department who tried to run things the way they had in the fifties.
Oliver in return talked about Sam, about the ridiculous decisions he made, about living with him for three whole weeks. “It was a record, you know,” he pointed out.
Gabe snickered over his salad. “Yeah, I know. Did you give yourself a little ribbon at least? Gold star that read,I tried?”
“No, you shit,” Oliver said with a wide grin. “I bought myself an entire chocolate cake and ate it. Completely alone.”
“You’re disgusting. You’re a disgrace,” Gabe said.
Oliver sniffed, turning his nose up in the air. “I’m fantastic, you mean. A sodding role model for all the pathetic gay boys who can’t seem to keep their hearts or affairs in order. And anyway, he was just terrified of becoming American, and yet he expected me to move toWales. Where they don’t actually like the English. Where I’m liable to be mugged just for existing as English on their soil. At least here they find me charming.”
“Oh, we only tell you that you’re charming. Secretly we’re slipping you drugs to make you compliant. Soon enough, you decorate your apartment in pictures of horses running through water and American flags. Then the conversion is complete. Only you don’t get citizenship and we constantly give you shit about foreigners taking our jobs.”
Oliver threw his head back and laughed so hard his cheeks ached. “You are the worst. I don’t know why I ever missed you.”
“Because I’m a fucking delight. Didn’t you say that to me once?” Gabe asked, pointing his fork at Oliver.
The mood sobered a moment after that, as Oliver recalled the exact moment. It was one of the moments he realized he was falling for Gabe, hard and fast. His smile softened and the laughs died down.
“This was good. I don’t know how to thank you for this.”
Licking his lips, Gabe pushed his plate to the side and clasped his hands on the table. “Can I tell you something?”
Oliver nodded as he sipped his water. “Anything. I think I’ve sufficiently embarrassed myself with my honesty, so if you’d like to have a go, I’m all ears.”
Gabe smiled faintly, but took a quick breath. “I never got over you. I tried. So hard, you know? I hoped maybe if I wrote it down in the book, it might take the edge off. But instead, all it did was bring you back here, and now I don’t know what to do with myself.”
Oliver felt his tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth, refusing to budge, refusing to form a reply. All he wanted right then was to take Gabe in his arms and beg for a second chance, but he’d already promised both himself and Gabriel that’s not why he’d come.
“Any chance you still smoke?” Gabe said, breaking the silence.
Giving a wet, tense laugh, Oliver nodded. “Technically no, but you know me. Why? D’you fancy one?” He quickly took out his card and slapped it on the table, motioning for their sever to come over. “We’re going to pop out for a quick second. Can you run that for me?”
The server swept up the card as Oliver rose, and he tried not to walk too close to Gabe as they hurried for the front doors, and down long enough to be safe smoking distance.
With shaking hands, Oliver reached into his pocket for the cigarettes and the lighter he wasn’t supposed to have, handing one over to Gabriel before lighting his own. He took in a long drag, tipping his head back as he let the smoke ease out through his mouth and nostrils.
“You sure know how to end an evening, Gabe. You know that?” Oliver asked with a laugh.
Gabe shoved one hand into his pocket, the other holding the cigarette to his mouth as he looked at Oliver over the V of his fingers. “I suppose I do,” he replied, his voice thick. “I didn’t mean for that to all come spilling out, but here you are. Still fucking bright as ever, almost overwhelming with your stupid smile and your gorgeous hair. You were supposed to age like shit and if I ever saw you again, I was supposed to just breathe a sigh of relief like I’d dodged a bullet.”
“It’s not easy for me either, you know,” Oliver pointed out. “Comparing every poor sod I meet to you—and they can never measure up. I came here to apologize and promise never to interfere in your life again, and all I can think about is shoving you against the wall and kissing you breathless.”
Gabe gave him a long, hard look, taking a huge drag of the cigarette. Letting it out, his hand hung down near his thigh, and barely audibly he said, “I’m not stopping you, Ollie. I should…but I’m not.”
