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Tears blur my vision once more. I don’t even think she realizes how right she is. More so now than ever. Three weeks ago, I was in post marital bliss, living my dream life. And now, it’s in ruins.
“Let me ask you this,” she murmurs. “Say Hayesdidkill Monty intentionally…do you think he was in the wrong?”
There are a million ways I could answer that—could write ten pages of an essay on the topic—but the first one that comes to mind is simple.
“No one deserves to die, especially the way he did,” I tell her. “But I don’t miss him anymore.”
THE SHOWER RUNS ANDsteam fills the room while I sit on the floor, sobbing until I can’t breathe. I can feel my heart tearing at the seams. Last night was a disaster. All I wanted was for him to convince me beyond a reasonable doubt that he didn’t do this. That killing Monty was a freak accident and that’s all there is to it. A good night gone terribly wrong. But he couldn’t do that.
And if he can’t convince me, someone who has been madly in love with him for years and hangs on his every word, he’d never stand a chance at convincing a jury.
I think about all the people who would lose him. My brother wouldn’t have his best friend and be forced to open the bar,Hayes’s dream,by himself. His sister would lose her big brother, leaving her with no one to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day. His mom would lose her son—the only man she’s ever truly loved after her husband shattered her heart when he chose an addiction over her.
After thinking about it all night, if someone asked me right now if I honestly believe Hayes killed Monty in cold blood, I’d say no. I know the man that I fell in love with. He’s kind and he’s caring. He puts others before himself. And when he loves, he does it with absolutely everything he has. But a random group of twelve wouldn’t know that about him. Not like I do. Or like the people that love him do.
So, it’s time for someone to put him first for once—to keep him from spending the rest of his life in prison for a crime he didn’t commit.
Grabbing my phone off the counter, I reply to the unknown number from yesterday.
If I do this, you have to swear that he will be safe. Nothing can happen to him. That’s my only condition.
It takes under a minute for the response to come through.
Cross my heart and hope to die.
No pun intended. ??
That’s nice. My life is falling apart, and this no-named asshole is making jokes. I let my phone fall to the floor. With my mind made up, I know there’s no going back. My fate is sealed. But for now, I cry—letting the pain rip me apart and rock me to sleep, like the darkness is all I have left anymore.
Regret is a fickle thing.There aren’t many moments in my life that I wish I could change. I try not to dwell on the past or let things that already happened bother me. But even though the list is small, the argument we had last night is definitely at the top of it.
Hearing Laiken insinuate that I intentionally committed murder was a blow I never saw coming. She’s the one person that knows me better than anyone—even Cam. And knowing that she thinks so little of me, I’m not sure there’s a way to ever recover from that.
But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try.
I use the putty knife to smooth out the spackle that covers the hole I created last night. Sure, it could have waited, but I’d really rather not constantly be reminded of last night. Not when everything feels so unstable.
Losing Laiken is the last thing I want. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love her, and I know for a fact I never will. She’s always going to be the one I’m meant to spend my life with, even if there comes a time when she’s no longer in it. But there are no guarantees. And if I fucked this up beyond repair, I don’t think anyone would be surprised.
As I finish patching the hole, I go upstairs to check on her. I’m half expecting her to still be sleeping, but when I walk into our room, I find the bed empty. Steam billows out from under the bathroom door, but the sound of the water hitting the tile tells me she’s not actually in it.
I knock on the door twice out of respect, but when there’s no answer, I push open the door. And the sight in front of me chips another piece off my heart and turns it to ash.
Laiken is lying on the bathroom floor, curled up in a ball. Her hair isn’t wet, showing she never actually got in the shower. And freshly dried tears on her cheeks give away that she was crying.
She looks so broken.
Lifeless, even though she’s breathing.
And as I lift her into my arms and carry her back to bed, I know that I have no choice anymore.
Cam was right. She needs help. And as much as I would love to be the one to give it to her, I can’t be. I’m too involved in the reason she’s gotten to this point in the first place. If I ever want the chance of her being okay again, I have to put her needs before my own, because a few weeks without her is better than a lifetime.
Once Laiken is safely and comfortably tucked in, I go back into the bathroom and turn off the shower. Then I quietly step out of the room, shutting the door behind me as I take out my phone. It takes everything in me to type out the text, and another five minutes to press send, but I finally force myself to do it.
Okay, I’m on board. Meet me at the bar in twenty and we’ll decide on a place.
There’s a possibility that she might never forgive me for this. I know that. But if anything were to happen to her, I would never forgive myself. And there comes a time when you need to swallow the bitter pill and accept that you can’t be someone’s everything, no matter how much you may want to be.
