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It’s worse because I know what it’s like to have him. Toreallyhave him. After he told Cam about us, he was all in. For someone who had no experience with relationships, he sure did know how to act in one. There wasn’t a single moment where I felt unwanted, unloved, or unappreciated. He treated me like a goddamn queen.
And now I feel more like someone he fucks from time to time.
He’s struggling. I know that. It’s written all over his face every time he looks at me. But I know the connection we shared is still there. It crackles in the air every time we’re near each other. I just hope that ends up being enough.
After what he said to me earlier, I’m not sure it will be.
“Laiken, sit the fuck down,” Mali tells me for the millionth time. “My parents can probably hear you pacing.”
I’m sure she’s right, but I can’t help it. “What if it’s a trap? What if they’re being set up and they’re going to get caught trying to get rid of the damn thing? I didn’t torture myself for over a year just for Hayes to go to prison anyway, and for Cam to go down with him.”
“Hey, conjugal visits might be hot.”
Seriously? I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and she’s making jokes right now? Then again, this is Mali we’re talking about. She’s probably serious.
“You are the worst,” I tell her.
She pretends to be offended as she mocks me. “Fine, don’t believe me. But I think you’d look cute with a little prison baby on your hip, telling people you have to go call your inmate baby daddy.”
“Stop talking.”
“No can do, buck-a-roo,” she singsongs. “If I don’t at least somewhat distract you, you’re going to stress yourself into a coronary.”
Well, that’s not exactly far-fetched. My limit of being calm tonight capped at a half hour, and all of that was spent sitting at the dinner table with Mali’s parents. It was great to see them again. I really missed them. But when your boyfriend and your half-husband are disposing of a dead body, it’s not the best time for playing catch up.
“You know what you need? To get laid.”
I roll my eyes. “Do you have a dick? Because you have sex on the brain constantly lately.”
“I do!” she says proudly, reaching into her nightstand and pulling out a dildo that looks like something out of a robot movie. “His name is Linus.”
“Linus? Like the fucking Peanuts character?”
She narrows her eyes at me. “No. Like short for cunnilingus.”
My mouth opens and closes a couple of times before I find the right words. “Wouldn’t that be Lingus, not Linus?”
“You know what? You can go,” she says, like we’re not in danger. “If you happen to get kidnapped, just use that emergency function on your phone. I’m sure you’ll be okay. You’re a tough cookie.”
That’s the first thing that pulls a laugh out of me since I got here. Mali smiles contently as she grabs her phone to see if there are any updates. Thankfully, she wasn’t able to stay mad at me for longer than a few hours.
Thank God.
I don’t know what I would do if she no longer wanted anything to do with me. Functioning without her isn’t something I know how to do. It’s like her life and mine are directly linked together. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.
Hayes is the love of my life, but Mali is my soulmate.
“Anything yet?”
She shakes her head. “You’ll know as soon as I get something.”
Groaning, I throw myself down onto her bed. “This is hell. Distract me with something else.”
Her lips purse before a smile breaks through. “Cam fingered me on the way to Hayes’s to get my car this morning.”
There is no delay between the words coming out of her mouth, and the sound of me gagging. “I said distract me, not make me vomit all over the place.”
She looks so damn proud of herself, humming to herself like she didn’t just overshare about her sex life with my brother. Imagine if Hayes went up to Cam and said,hey bro, fucked your sister’s mouth today.The hacker wouldn’t be the only body getting dumped tonight, that’s for sure.
