AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I’ll sit on your dad’s lap,” Deus says as he climbs right onto it without waiting.
I stare at him cradled in my father’s arms and narrow my eyes. “I just… it creeps me out. I feel highly uncomfortable about this.”
“Come on, Ellison, there’s room on Papa Daddy’s lap,” Deus says as he pats the other leg.
“Dear god,” Ellison says as he watches all of us pile in, cramming and shoving, stumbling and falling until everyone finds a spot.
But what astounds me more than anything is that Ellison shoves Lex toward my father before climbing into the back with us.
“You’re actually joining us?” I ask in surprise. I can hear Lex whine as Deus tries pulling him onto my dad’s other leg.
“You told me to,” he says as he squeezes in next to August while eyeing my brother. The moment the hatch is closed, we’re off. Mom takes the corner well over fifteen miles per hour faster than she ever should and half of us go flying and slamming into various walls of the car as she hits the curb and accelerates her way out of the city.
“I like your suit,” Brandon says as he reaches out and strokes Ellison’s arm. “You look sofastistated.”
“You are not my brother,” I decide, but Brandon is too fixated on Ellison’s “sofastistated” suit.
Ellison shudders as he shies away. “Do not touch my suit.”
“You look very snazzy,” Baker says. “Back in my day, I had a Velcro suit so that whenever my wife wanted a little, I could just tear it right off and let her bend me over!”
Ellison is staring me right in the eyes as Baker recounts his tale that absolutely no one in the vehicle needed—or wanted—to hear.
I kind of feel like I should apologize, but I also don’t know how to apologize for such an atrocity.
“This is Baker. He likes to talk about his wife in the most inappropriate ways. This is my brother, you met him when Deus shot him in the chest, but he’s an idiot,” I say.
Brandon looks minorly shocked. “I’m not an idiot!”
“Brandon, if you had seven chickens and gave me two of them, how many chickens would you have?” I ask.
He’s quiet for a moment. “I really want chicken nuggets now.”
“Nolan and I consumed all of the intelligence. We were actually created in a science facility and mistakenly given to my mother, swapped at birth—at least that’s my theory.”
Mom hits the brakes a bit harder than necessary. “Don’t be spreading lies that your brother will believe, Landon. I know you’re mine because you look the exact same now as you did when you came out all gooey and disgusting. Your father threw up when he saw you.”
“I regret everything. I just… I could’ve had a normal good birthday, and then I agreed to do this? Why? August, please, tell me why?”
August shrugs. “Because you secretly enjoy it?”
“No!”
“Five chickens!” Brandon announces. “I would have five chickens.”
Dear god.
“Oh! Landon! Since you have…” Brandon takes a moment to count, using his fingers. “Four men, do you like take turns or do you all just toss your wieners in at once?”
“All at once,” August says.
“Where are we tossing them to?” I ask.
“Fucking hell,” Ellison mutters.
Brandon nods. “That’s what I thought. Ellison, you seem like a cool kind of dude. I bet you’re real kinky in the bedroom.”
Ellison has become absolutely stone-still. He’s pretending like if he doesn’t move or turn or look that everyone will forget he exists.
