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“No,” he said, shaking his head. “No, did I say that out loud? No, it’s, you know, some totally unrelated heartbreak thing—shit. How was your trip? You get here okay?”
“Holston,” I said, tilting my head to look at him. He was drinking me away? Really?
He gave me a look. “Stop it. I’m really embarrassed right now. Maybe I should go find us, like, coffee or something? Can you drink coffee when you’re pregnant?”
“You said you were happy,” I said.
“Did I say that?” He wouldn’t meet my gaze.
Maybe he hadn’t said that. “You said you could have fought to get me back, and you didn’t.”
“Shei…” He sighed.
“Because you thought it was hopeless? You thought I didn’t want you back? You thought—”
“Itishopeless, isn’t it?” he whispered. “We have nothing in common. We don’t want to live in the same places. We can’t…”
I nodded. “No, you’re right.” I blew out air. “You’re right, obviously.”
“Coffee,” he said. “I think there’s like a little coffee stand outside, and I’m just going to… unless you can’t have it when you’re pregnant.”
“I can at this point,” I said. “I’m far enough along, but it’s so acidic that it gives me heartburn, so…”
“Oh. Right. Sorry about that. Are you, like, really uncomfortable?”
“I’m fine.” I wasextremelyuncomfortable. “You should get some for yourself, though.”
“I don’t really like coffee. It’s such a Toth thing.”
“It’s a human thing,” I said. “The Toth stole it from…”
“Right.” He nodded. “Yeah, actually, I knew that.”
We were quiet.
“Uh,” he said, “how long until the appointment? I thought it was soon.”
“Oh, they’re running behind,” I said. “So, it might be an extra few hidosecs.” I gestured. “We could sit?”
“Yeah.”
We sat.
“Heartbreak,” I whispered.
“Shei,” he muttered.
It made me want to cry. Everything made me want to cry these days, of course, but… I bowed my head.
“Look, it’s not that dramatic,” he said. “I just would get stuck in this loop, this thought loop? Like, Ihatedit on that resistance outpost.”
“I know you did.”
“I wanted to come home to Ohkk. That’s why I said it wasn’t going to work,” he said. “And then I got home, and…”
“And what?”
“It wasn’t the same. Hunting, it used to mean something, and it didn’t anymore. Everything felt empty. Everything felt pointless without you.”
