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Cadence and Chelsea rode home with Nate today. I think Lyndsey wanted some time alone to talk but talking is the last thing I want to do right now. I just want to go home to bed.
“I don’t know.”
It’s the truth. I don’t feel anything but emptiness.
“It just doesn’t make sense,” she continues.
“What?”
“What he did is seriously messed up; there’s no denying it, but why would he go to all that trouble only to screw it up by sleeping with Hadley?”
“Your guess is as good as mine. The only logical explanation is that they did it to fuck me over.”
“See, that doesn’t make sense either. Hadley does hate you, but she has always wanted Logan. We both know that. Why would she ruin the only chance she had with him to get back at you? Technically she already had gotten her revenge when she stole him from you.”
“Who knows what her reasons were. It doesn’t change the fact that it happened, and to be honest, I’m tired of trying to figure it out.”
“He doesn’t look good. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so heartbroken.”
I feel an ache in my chest as I think back to the look of pure anguish on Mason’s face today. “He’s not the only one.”
“You really loved him, didn’t you?”
Nodding my head, I feel Lyndsey’s eyes on me as I stare out the window, absently watching the houses whizz by.
“I’m so lost, Lyns. I don’t feel like me anymore. Losing him has taken a part of me away I don’t think I will ever get back.”
She places her hand on mine and gives it a gentle squeeze. “You will, babe. You are one of the strongest people I know. You might be feeling a bit weak right now, but it will pass. You are a fighter. You always have been. You will survive this.”
“I’m not so sure. Everywhere I look, he is there. I can’t even escape him in my sleep. A person can only take so much before the wounds become so deep that not even time can heal them.”
Tears stream down my face as I continue to watch the world outside my window pass by in a blur, my mind drifting into nothing more than a dull void. Lyndsey links her fingers with mine, giving my hand another squeeze.
“That’s what I’m here for. To help stitch you back together. I will be your strength while you are weak. You are my family, babe, and the sister I never had. We will get you through this together.”
I squeeze her hand back in a silent thank you. I wish I could believe her. I wish her words had the power to give me some relief from the never-ending ache I feel in my chest. I hope that I can somehow be stitched back together, but just like everything else I have lost, hope is gone too.
ChapterThirty
MASON
“For Christ’s sake, dude. You call that a punch? My grandma hits harder than that.”
I wipe the sweat from my brow with the back of my hand, ignoring James’s attempt to rile me up. I don’t know why I came to training today. I was hoping some rounds of sparring would take my mind off everything, but it hasn’t done shit.
Ava is on my mind constantly. Every second of every day, she consumes my thoughts to the point I can barely see straight. I miss her so fucking much that I feel like I’m losing my mind. I can’t lose her. I can’t, but I don’t know what to do.
I’ve dug myself a hole so deep that I’m trapped at the bottom of it, unable to get out and stop her from walking out of my life. I’m a selfish bastard because I see that I’m hurting her. I can see it every time she struggles not to look at me, watching her from my place back in the shadows.
I know I need to stop. I need to stop everything. I’ve broken into her house every single night to watch her sleep because it’s the only time I’m able to be close to her. She doesn’t want me there, but she doesn’t send me away either.
My self-loathing has reached an all-time high. A better man would let her go. A better man wouldn’t have done the shit I did to begin with. I deserve this pain. I deserve all the suffering and turmoil, but she doesn’t.
She deserves a better man, someone who’s not me. The thought of her with someone else seems to fuel my rage, and I take another blow at the shield in front of me.
“Now that’s what I’m talking about.” James smiles in approval then glances over my shoulder with a frown.
Turning around to follow his gaze, I see Eric storming toward me. The flaring of his nostrils and rage blazing in his eyes—directed straight at me—a clear indication he is not here for a friendly chat.
