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She only had herself. Her parents had both passed. Her father had died when she was sixteen and her mother three years ago. As an only child, Jessica had no siblings to turn to now, only cousins and friends, but they were all either settling down and having families or travelling the world before they settled down, married and had a family. And Jessica didn’t even have a boyfriend, nor would she ever again. Marriage wasn’t in the stars for her. She’d thought it was, she had even wandered into wedding gown boutiques to gaze at the stunning white lace and satin creations hanging in rows and pictured which one she would wear when she walked down the aisle to Tom, the man of her dreams.
She had always imagined a flower girl and a pageboy and a stunning bridal bouquet of white roses and a quaint church with the setting sun shining softly through the stained-glass windows. And her groom waiting at the altar, where they would hold hands and make a commitment to love each other for the rest of their lives. But not any more because trust was the foundation of marriage and Jessica didn’t trust men. They lied, they made promises they couldn’t keep and they broke hearts, sometimes more than one at a time, with their actions.
Biting the inside of her cheek, Jessica dragged her bag into the small terminal. With no romantic dreams, she had to make the best of what she did have and that was a six-week placement in a hospital in the middle of country New South Wales. She’d not worked in a rural city or large country town, and Armidale had been referred to as both. She tugged hard on her bag to lift it over the slight step. It wasn’t a particularly heavy bag, as her shoes, clothes and other belongings were packed into her checked luggage; she was just taking out frustration on an inanimate object and potentially using more force than was logically required. Just as the wind outside had been doing to her. Jessica Ayers was being a little unnecessarily rough. It was that simple. She wasn’t as patient as she had once been with people, and definitely not with awkward carry-on-sized suitcases.
The weather outside had made her feel as if she had flown in on a broomstick but she knew she would settle in a day or two. She always did. Adapt to her new environment but not stay long enough to get close to anyone—that had been her modus operandi for close to a year. It was getting more difficult each time and Jessica had begun to admit to herself that she was growing tired of running. Now she was facing yet another new beginning that wouldn’t change a thing or bring her close to being the person she had once been: an optimistic young doctor who loved life and thought she had found the man to love her as much as she loved him.
It had been twelve months, and her heart was still numb and her mind racked with shame for almost tearing a family apart. A family she knew nothing about. She couldn’t come to terms with what had happened, nor could she settle her feelings and, as a result, herself geographically. Was she the victim? Or the perpetrator? She still wasn’t sure. But the one thing she was sure of was the need to keep moving. Although the disappointment she felt still followed her wherever she went. Disappointment in the man who had deceived her and deceived his wife. And disappointment in herself. She no longer trusted her own judgement.
The idea that she had been the other woman tore at her core. Upsetting thoughts about herself and how she should have known better had a way of creeping into her mind and pitching a tent. She felt physically sick when images of Tom making love to her crept back into her mind. The man who, unbeknown to her, had a wife and children waiting at home for him. Each time she moved town she hoped the change of scenery and distance from Sydney, where he was still playing happy family, would hasten some level of amnesia around her actions or perhaps just help her to find acceptance that she couldn’t change what had happened and allow her to move on. But that was yet to happen.
Dr Jessica Ayers would spend the next six weeks in a country town where she knew no one and no one knew her. Armidale was not her forever. It was just another stopover, a place where she could hide from the rest of the world until she knew what she wanted to do with her life. A life that would never have the happily ever after she had once thought she had all wrapped up with a perfect bow.
