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“Why’d you do it?” His voice is quiet but I can hear the undertones of his rage simmering just beneath the surface. I don’t pretend to act like I don’t know what he’s talking about. I don’t want to have this conversation right now but it doesn’t look like I have a choice. I grip the straps of my bag for something to hang onto as I relive the darkest moment of my life. Rook thinks I ran from him because of the baby, but he is so wrong.
“I didn’t have a choice,” I whisper, tears build and I slam my eyes closed to keep them at bay. Only my dad and Rook knew about the baby. We moved to Oklahoma before Luka knew a thing about me and Rook.
“Don’t you stand there and fucking cry like a pussy. This is all your fault!” I snap my eyes open and peer up at him, taken back by his remark. He is vibrating with anger. Now that we stand at the base of the steps of the Manor, the outside lights illuminate his features. His eyes are so dark and filled with so much pain. “I fucking hate you!” I recoil not from his words but from how loud he is shouting. “You fucking ruined everything. If you’d never left, none of this would have happened.” Utterly confused and dumbfounded at what he is saying, I just shake my head denying his claims. “You fucking ruin everything, everything you touch gets ruined.” Tears fall from my eyes, I’m powerless to stop them. He has no idea that his words hit so close to everything I have tried to hide from.
“That’s enough, Rook!” I jump in fright. I look to the side to see Rook’s twin, Knight standing there with his older brother, King and another guy who looks like them. Do they have another brother? Knight looks between Rook and me. I can see from the way he is studying me he has no idea of mine and Rook’s history.
“Stay the fuck out of this,” Rook growls. I gasp and stumble back a step shocked that he moved so close and I didn’t even hear him.
Rook
Before she can take another step, I snap my arm out and grip the back of her neck, pulling her in close to me but still keeping an inch of space between us. Her eyes are wide and full of fear. Good, she should be fucking scared. She could have stayed and rewrote the outcome of my life. She could have changed the path I was on if she had just stayed, maybe then I wouldn’t have ended up in Russia. I hear King, Knight and Gage rush toward us. If they are smart they won’t fucking lay a single hand on me orher. For the first time in fucking months since I came back, I finally feel something other than despair and self-loathing. I feel fucking rage and an insane urge to ruin Clare Santiago in every way possible.
“Let her go, brother.” King and Knight stand on either side of me but keep a foot of space between us. They have learned to give me space or risk me flipping out and landing a solid punch to their faces. Gage stands behind Clare, lifting his hand, ready to pull her back. I pin him with a look, daring him to lay a single finger on her and risk facing my wrath. “Rook, whatever she did we can sort it out. Just let her go, brother.” Since when did Knight become such a fucking pussy. He used to love this shit and now that he’s with Koby, he’s all noble and shit.
“Clare?” She turns her head toward the house, well as much as my grip will allow. My hold on her tightens when relief shines in her eyes at the sound of Luka’s voice. “What the fuck. Let her go!” he shouts. I hear him running toward us. I let up and he pushes in close, knocks my arm away and wraps Clare in his arms. King and Knight form a blockade when I attempt to reach for her again. I shoot each of the fuckers a glare. I used to love each of my siblings with every fiber of my being but now, I feel nothing but rage when I look at them. “Are you okay? What are you doing here?” My nostrils flare in annoyance at the concern in Luka’s voice. His sister is a fucking viper, nothing can hurt that snake.
“I’m fine, I needed to talk to you,” she says.
“That’s what a phone is for, Clare. Dad is going to be worried sick!” She pulls out of his hold and shakes her head, devastation is written across her face. “Just because you’re nineteen doesn’t mean you––”
“Luka, stop!” she cuts in, slips free of her bag and sets it on the ground. My face contorts in confusion when she pulls out a sleeping mat. The fuck would she need that for? But what stuns me more is when she pulls out a silver urn, wraps her arms around it protectively and stares up at her brother with tears falling freely down her cheeks. “He won’t be worried or care because he’s here with me.” Luka stumbles back a step, shaking his head rapidly.
“No. That can’t be, no. I just… I spoke to him like––”
“Nearly five months ago. I came here that first time to tell you he was sick but you wouldn’t listen!” Her voice raises on the last part, Luka has turned pale and is clearly in shock. Clare sniffles before carrying on. “You weren’t there! He was sick and I needed you.”
“You should have called!” he shouts at her. I inch forward ready to… defend her if he lashes out but Knight and King block my path again.
“I tried. You never answered or called me back! What was I supposed to do?” Sobs claw their way out of her and a pang of regret hits me right in the chest. I grit my teeth and push that feeling away. She doesn’t deserve my pity, she deserves to wither in pain. Luka curses and stabs a hand through his hair tugging at the ends. His eyes are rimmed with tears but he’s too proud to allow us to see him cry. He begins to pace muttering beneath his breath for a second before continuing. Clare hugs her father’s ashes tighter, her chin resting against her chest. Her shoulders shake from her silent tears. Gage steps forward and wraps an arm around her shoulder pulling her into his side. It takes everything inside me not to rip his fucking arm off her and beat the shit out of him.
“Take the rest of the night off, you and––” Luka turns to King and shakes his head, then looks to Clare for a second with remorse in his gaze before turning back to him.
“I can’t. I have to meet Bishop at the docks for the arrival of the new shipment from Andreas.” Clare doesn’t look up or make any sudden movements to acknowledge that her brother abandoning her when she needs him most affects her. Luka is a fucking idiot, I know what it’s like to be abandoned by your siblings. You live in pain daily while they go about their lives like you never existed!
It fucking stings like a bitch.
* * *
I lay hereon my bed, one arm resting behind my head and the other draped across my abs as I stare up at the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling. As a kid I hated the dark and was too scared to sleep in my own room, so I would sleep in Knight’s. When Tony found out I got a good fucking lashing with his belt. That day, Knight came into my room with a ladder and begin to stick these stars to my ceiling. He told me it would give me enough light not to draw our father’s attention––we weren’t allowed night lights. He told me to count the stars each night until I fell asleep.
I searched for any sign of light, a single star but I found nothing while I was held in that fucking room for months. I hadn’t been scared of the dark for years until being locked in that room. I didn’t sleep for days. I was in fucking agony from the bullet wounds, I was so disoriented from the pain and the infection I developed in the first few weeks I had no idea where I was or that I was a prisoner––a sharp knock on my door pulls me from my thoughts. I rest up on my elbows and wait to see if whoever it is will enter or fuck off and leave me alone. A dejected sigh escapes me as the door opens. I expect it to be one of my brothers here to pester me again but I’m floored when Koby steps into my room, flicks the light on and closes the door behind herself.
She rests back against the door, crosses her arms over her chest as she looks around my room, it’s spotless. I used to be a slob, I never cared if my room was a mess all I cared about was fucking and playing football every Friday night. I loved being QB, maybe in another life I would have been able to live out my dream of going pro and playing in the Superbowl.
“Why’d you do it?” I almost snort at her question, I asked Clare the same thing mere hours ago. I run my gaze over and take in the changes, Koby is beautiful there is no denying that. Her blonde––almost white––hair is piled on top of her head in a bun, her eyes are bright and filled with love, the haunted look she used to carry around with her is no longer present. Looking at her, you would never know she had given birth to twins five months ago. “Don’t ignore me Rook, I need to know why you did it. Why did you take my place.” I growl in frustration as I swing my legs over the side of the bed and rest my forearms on my thighs. I can’t look at her, I can’t picture her going through the fucking hell that I went through.
“Just go––”
Before I can finish kicking her out, she cuts me off, her tone is quieter, softer even as she speaks.
“I know what it’s like to be a Volkov pet.” I stiffen. “I want to say I’m sorry but no amount of apologizing will change what happened to you and frankly, what the fuck does saying sorry do for anyone?” That gets my attention and even brings a ghost of a smile to my lips. “Just… answer me why you saved my life? Believe it or not, Rook, I wished I could have traded places with you––” Now it’s my turn to stop her before she can finish that sentence.
“Don’t!” I slowly climb to my feet and face her. Her eyes soften with guilt as her gaze falls to my naked chest. Scars can be seen from the bullet wounds. They mar my front and back from being cut deep with a blade or being chained up like a dog and whipped until I passed out from the pain. It takes more strength than I want to admit to say the next words out loud. “I’d never have traded places with you.”
“Why?” she whispers. In all the time I have known Koby, this is the first time I have seen her vulnerable. It’s not like her and I were ever close, I mean for fuck’s sake the night I got shot I dragged her to the docks pretending to be Knight. I thought she was a mole for the Russian’s, turns out I was fucking wrong and the mole was Mav.
“Because I should never have taken you to the docks that night. I thought you were using my… brother.” She pushes off the door and on instinct I take a step back. She freezes but doesn’t comment on my need to keep distance between us.
