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Growing up through my teenage years without Mom was hard. Trying to help Dad as he went through his physical and mental health decline on top of that was stressful. But we have come out the other side and we make our way in life just fine.
“So does this new job mean you will be home bothering me more now?” he grumbles, changing the subject back to focus on me rather than him. He obviously still thinks I will be on reduced hours and reduced pay as Kelly takes her time away from the business to focus on her family.
“You will love having me around more!” I joke with him. My father would hate to have me around all the time, but he will probably hate me taking this new job with Harrison more.
“I have a routine and I am sticking to it. You will have to find your own things to do. Maybe go on that date with Jeff,” he suggests, and I stumble a little on the jagged sidewalk, before righting myself with the handle of his chair.
“I’m not dating Jeff, Dad,” I groan. I would do anything to please my dad, but dating Jeff is one step I really don’t want to take.
“He is a good guy, smart. Good looking. You could do a lot worse than Jeff,” he says, and I sigh. What he means to say is that I should be happy that a man is showing interest in me. No one else has in a very long time.
Dad is right; Jeff is all those things. But I don’t feel it. And I really want to feel it. That heart thumping, panty melting,I need you more than the air I breathekind of love. The one my parents had. Before I ruined it all.
“What's all the commotion this morning?” Dad grumbles, pulling me from my thoughts as we push through the doors of the center to see people running around in all directions.
“Larry, what the hell is going on?” he yells to Larry who is waiting patiently for him by the chess table at the front window. As we dodge the racing people, many of whom we know, but some we don’t, we make our way closer, watching Jeff barking orders near the offices at the back, clipboard in hand.
“Apparently, there are some dignitaries coming today,” Larry says as he shrugs. A veteran, Larry spends his days here at the center with my father, and the two of them have become close over the years. Larry ensures Dad is looked after when I am not around. It is good to have him in our lives.
After a beat, Dad wheels over and takes his usual place around the table and the two of them start playing their game without batting another eyelash. Their attention to chess is unrelenting. They don’t even keep score, yet they are here, every day, playing all day to pass the time.
“Hey, Beth. Crazy, huh?” Jeff says close to my ear, his warm breath skirting across my neck, and I jump, startled, having not expected him.
“Yes. What’s going on?” I ask, my hand resting on my thumping heart as I take a small step away from him, shielding my personal space, not wanting him in it.
“Last minute call from the head office. We have a team of politicians coming through this morning. Nothing major. Just your usual walk and talk, I’m sure. Yoga is still going ahead as per normal.” He smiles at me as he clicks his pen, ticking off an item from his list. I don’t miss as his eyes skirt down my body and back up again when he thinks I am not looking. I swallow, not sure how I feel about his eyes on me like that. He is not it for me, and deep down, I know it.
“Well, I will leave you to it, and I will go and join the class!” I say, trying to sound jovial, when all I want to do is crawl back into bed and sleep for the day.
“Are you feeling alright? You look tired, Beth. Is there anything I can do for you?” Jeff asks, and my shoulders tense. Why can’t I just like him? He is good looking, nice, caring… yet there is something about him that doesn’t feel right. I give him a brief smile as I try to feel upbeat.
“Oh, I’m fine. I just didn’t get much sleep last night,” I say, trying to act nonchalant, brushing off his accurate observation.
“Oh, the thunderstorm. I get it. It was a wild one.” I don’t think Dad would have told him, but they have become close, so maybe Jeff knows about why thunderstorms are not welcome in our lives.
I give him another brief smile, before taking another step back.
“Good luck with the morning, Jeff.” Offering a brief wave goodbye, I mark the end of the conversation. I’m not able to get away from him fast enough this morning as he stands there looking at me with a weird smile on his face.
Morning yoga at the center is run by a wonderful middle-aged lady named Marci, who despite her electric blue hair, tight attire, and bright red lipstick, is a ball of cosmic energy. She brings along healing crystals and incense, and I don’t miss the way she flirts with my father after class. She is the only woman to bring a smile to his face ever.
“Well, hello sugar,” Marci says warmly to me, and I am amazed by her. Pushing the top end of fifty, she is as fit as she is flexible.
“Hey, Marci,” I say before my mouth breaks out into a yawn.
“Rough night?” she asks, and I just nod, glassy-eyed, and she squeezes my shoulder before closing the door and calling the class to start.
“Morning, everyone. Thank you for joining me this morning. Given the activity that is happening in the main area of the center, I have decided that this session will be power yoga, where we can really move our bodies and get a great workout since meditation and relaxation is totally out of the question.” Marci’s calmness centers me, and as I sit tall, legs crossed, I start to feel calm and my breathing begins to slow.
“Let’s start with our sun salutations.” Her voice floats through the air and my limbs automatically move, and I am now grateful for coming to class this morning. My body needed it. I stretch and relax into the poses, feeling my body lengthening and the stress starting to leave me. I haven’t done power yoga in a while and soon feel out of breath, yet grateful for the workout.
Before long, I am cursing myself for wearing my old thread-bare yoga pants and crop-top as they stick to my sweat covered body. Again, I am behind on my washing, and I mentally high-five myself for taking a spot at the back of the class, highly doubtful that anyone would want an eyeful of my big backside in my nearly see-through pants.
As we move into a downward dog, I let my head fall down and melt into the pose. I take a deep breath and sink farther into the stretch, really feeling my muscles pull, and it is then that the door to the class opens right behind me.
I see Jeff’s sneakers and jeans appear in my vision between my legs, alongside three pairs of black shining shoes and tailored black trousers. Dammit. The last thing I need is Jeff looking at my butt. My thong is no doubt on full display, and I groan as I slowly stand up, wondering why I can’t just at least look like I have my life together for once.
But as I turn to look at the men, I come to understand that luck is not something that is offered to a girl like me.
