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If I knew how to explain this problem, I would with her. I trusted Aya. She was as much a best friend as Diego, even though I hadn’t known her as long as him.No, she’s more like the sister I never had.
Aya poked fun and teased me relentlessly, but only because we were that close, and I did the same back to her. If I had a serious issue, she was there. And she’d helped me through my share of guy problems before.
“It’s a guy issue again. Or, in this case, two guys.”
Aya lifted her hands and rested her chin on them. “Go on.”
I chewed my lip. “I found out recently two guys are interested in me, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been in a position like this before. And while there’s a logical, quick answer to who I should pick, that doesn’t seem to be making this situation any easier.”
Her expression didn’t change, and she said nothing, giving me the floor to go at the pace I needed. I let out a slow breath and told her what happened between Tyr and me in the workshop, and then with Diego. I told her how subsequent interactions with them over the last few days had only intensified these confusing emotions, and I told her the thoughts I’d been mulling over just before she showed up.
“I don’t know if it’s a good idea to see where things go with Tyr, because I’m not clear on whether he’s moved on from his wife, and I sure as hell don’t want to feel like a replacement for her. And Diego… How did I miss all the signs? And why now? I’ve dated before, and not once did he ever say anything. Why did he have to pick now of all times, when I was starting to wrestle with these feelings around Tyr?”
Aya gazed at me sympathetically and waited a moment to speak, to make sure I was done brain dumping. “One, don’t worry about Tyr and his past wife. We may have a strained relationship right now, but I know him. He’d never treat you like a replacement. Yes, a part of him will always love her, but that doesn’t mean he can’t have room in his heart for someone new. You know that.”
She was right, I did know. I’d helped my share of people come to terms with the death of a partner, and learn it was okay to love again after.
“And two, I think you’re missing an option here. You’re worried about choosing, when right now, you don’t have to.”
My eyes widened. “What? Of course I have to choose!”
She tipped her head. “Why?”
“Why? Because no one in their right might would go up to two people they like and go, ‘Hey, I can’t choose between you two right now, so I want to date you both to help me decide.’ No one with an ounce of dignity would agree to something that idiotic.”
Aya laughed. “It’s quite the take on what I said. I didn’t expect that direction.”
I blinked. “Then how else did you mean it?”
“You tell them you want to date them both without having to make a choice in the end, of course.”
I stared at my friend as she smiled as if she’d just hacked the internet’s most-impossible-to-crack password in less than a second. When my brain finally finished processing her proposal, heat inflamed my cheeks. “Aya, are you crazy?”
She held up a hand. “Perhaps, but I am serious. Why choose when you can have it all?”
I hid my face in my hands and groaned. “I can’t believe you even thought that was a viable option.”
“It is for plenty of people.”
“ButIam not them. I can barely handle one guy, let alone two. Plus, I don’t think I could handle them giving someone else attention, too, because let’s face it, if I’m asking them to allow me to split my affection between them, I need to allow the same.”
Aya smirked. “I really don’t think they’re going to be interested in looking elsewhere.”
“Whether they do or not isn’t the issue. I have to allow it as a possibility because it’s only fair.”
She rose and kissed me on the head. “You’re still overcomplicating this. Don’t think too hard. Feel. Trust your heart. And if your heart says both, then it’s both.”
She walked away. “And, if you’d rather step away from them both, then that’s fine too. There are plenty of abs and breasts to caress out there.”
I gawked at her retreating form.Did she really just swap fish in the sea out for caressing abs and breasts?
I shook my head and shut my laptop. That talk hadn’t helped me at all. Unfortunately, I think it made things worse, which wasn’t like our typical conversations.
I chewed my lip as I headed up the stairs to store my computer away. The last part of her comment stuck with me.Maybe the answer is neither.I really didn’t want that to be the case. I was tired of being alone.But really, if I can’t pick, am I deserving of either of them?
My shoulders slumped. Tightness wound in my chest, constricting my heart. There was the truth of it all. I’d never felt worthy enough of Diego to ever fess up. I held my feelings close to my chest and urged him to find happiness elsewhere because I didn’t deserve it. And Tyr, what I had learned so far about him, was enough of a glimpse to know it was the same. Someone else would be more worthy of him.
And with them both suddenly showing interest in me, at the same time, it was like the universe was slapping me across the face.
