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He would never understand what this meant to me. That he’d stepped up like this when he didn’t have to. It may have seemed insignificant to him, but for me, it was everything.
“Hey,” he said, squeezing me tighter. “We’re a team now. I help you and you help me.”
“It’s not the same.” I hiccupped. “I owe you. And I hate being in debt.”
He chuckled. “You certainly haven’t changed, Hazel. But trust me, you have to pretend to be in love with me for the next year. You totally got the short end of the stick.”
Resting my chin on his chest, I peeked up at him, tears still clouding my vision. But the stubble, the kind smile, the messy hair, I could see it all. And I had the sinking sensation that I may spend the next year doing more than pretending.
Chapter11
Remy
Ilay in my king-size bed and stared at the ceiling, studying the knots in the wood of each beam, unable to sleep. Never had been much of a sleeper, really.
My mom still complained, nearly thirty years later, about all her sleepless nights with me. How I would wake up at all hours, climb out of my crib, and wander around the house.
Growing up, it wasn’t unusual for my dad to get up for work at four thirty and find me fully dressed and eating cereal while watching cartoons.
My brain and my body just couldn’t be quiet.
Being up late, letting my mind wander, wasn’t unusual.
But tonight was different.
My mind kept detouring to the spare room. Where Hazel was wedged in with her boxes of books, an enormous steel desk, and a tiny twin bed.
It felt weird, sharing my cabin with someone. Not bad weird, just different. I had lived with Crystal for three years. Had woken up next to her when I wasn’t out working at Gagnon camp. But somehow having Hazel on the other side of the wall was more intimate.
I had fallen in love with Crystal LaVoie the day she arrived in Lovewell in eighth grade. She was tall and blond and beautiful and popular. Her dad was a dentist who’d opened a practice in town, so she was rich too.
I spent years trying to get her attention while she dated every guy in town but me.
And then, in our early twenties, we started to hang out. For the first time, she was interested in me.
My siblings had always gotten all the attention. They were smart and hardworking and polite. Henri, the dependable oldest; Paz, the well-spoken, ambitious one; and Adele, tough as nails, smart as a whip and the apple of my father’s eye.
Me? More often than not, I could be found climbing a tree or jumping into a creek.
My constant need to move made it hard to learn, despite my parents’ best efforts. I couldn’t sit still. I needed to be outside. My parents convinced me to try college, but that was a complete bust.
So I went to work. Dad and Henri put me out in the woods, and I learned the ins and outs of the logging business while I trained and competed on the side.
I had a job that let me move and kept me outside, a gorgeous girlfriend who’d said yes when I popped the question, financial security, and time with my family.
My life was moving forward.
And then everything fell apart.
I alienated the people I respected most in this world and put others in danger. My father’s legacy, my brother’s life, all in jeopardy because of me.
For my whole life, I’d felt like the family fuck-up. But the last six months had really solidified that title.
But now, I had a second chance, a fresh start. I was married. And the woman on the other side of the wall depended on me. Needed me. Even if it was all fake, it still felt strangely satisfying.
I could provide for Hazel, help her get healthy and finish her degree. And yes, it wasn’t a forever thing, but in the process of it all, I could finally get my shit together. Figure out what and who I was meant to be.
Content for the first time in what felt like forever, I rolled over in my massive bed, ready to settle in and force myself to get a few hours of sleep. With my eyes closed and my breaths steady, I let go of the thoughts that always ricocheted inside my brain, then froze at an unfamiliar sound. It was coming from inside the house, so it wasn’t Clive, and it wasn’t a bear rooting around nearby.
