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“I want to help,” Hazel insisted. “And I’ll do whatever I can.”
Chapter19
Remy
Irubbed my eyes. A five-a.m. run had felt like a good idea this morning. I was hitting my stride with my training, but ramping up training while still maintaining a full-time work schedule was getting tricky.
Paz and Henri were keeping me busy in the office, especially now that I had gotten better at excel spreadsheets thanks to Hazel’s coaching. I was feeling useful for once, and I truly was grateful to still have a job after all that had happened. But it was draining me a little more every day.
My mind was consumed by training and competition and strategy. I woke up energized and determined to stick to my plan and push myself a little further. Nationals was something I had dreamed about since I was a boy, but for so long, it was nothing more than that. A dream. I had been competing in timber sports since middle school. But I had never taken anything seriously. In high school, I’d partied too much and trained too little. Even through my twenties, I’d been too consumed by work and keeping Crystal happy to focus the way I should have.
But things were different now. I was different. And I owed so much of that to Hazel.
I guzzled coffee and signaled Bernice for a refill when Dylan slid into the booth. We hadn’t seen much of each other recently. Outwardly, I blamed my training schedule, but it had far more to do with wanting to spend all my extra time with Hazel than I would ever admit. And that fact made me feel like a shit friend.
“How is she?” Dylan said, stirring his coffee once Bernice had stepped away from the table. That woman’s ears were legendary. And like many of the people in this town, she was fiercely protective of Hazel.
“Working hard,” I said and left it at that because I had absolutely no poker face, and if anyone could see through my bullshit, it was my best friend. Could he tell I was developing an unhealthy attraction to my wife?
Guilt coursed through my veins as I looked at my best friend. I had given him my word that I wouldn’t cross the line with Hazel.
And technically, I hadn’t. But deep down, I knew that was a lie. There had been so many moments of true intimacy between us. And even more moments of lust wrapped in delicious tension.
And, shamefully, I wasn’t trying to avoid it either. In fact, I loved walking around shirtless, knowing Hazel couldn’t keep her eyes from roving all over my body when I did. And how many times had I rolled over in bed and savored the sight of her creamy thighs or round breasts under those massive T-shirts she always slept in?
So I was hating myself while we chatted about the end of the school year and his plans for the summer.
Dylan had always been the serious one, even back in grade school. He had to be. I could be the class clown and the spoiled baby of the family, but he had been forced to provide for himself and Hazel at a young age.
And unlike so many others in challenging circumstances, he kept himself on the straight and narrow, getting good grades, working hard, and charming everyone he met.
It was no surprise that after putting himself through community college, he transferred to UMaine on a full academic scholarship and graduated with a degree in education.
When he finished, he came straight back to Lovewell and threw himself into teaching, coaching, and mentoring kids. And developing an unhealthy rivalry with Lydia over who would win the annual teacher of the year award. It came so naturally to him, giving back and embracing the community.
As did being an overprotective brother. Unsurprisingly, he had steered the conversation back to Hazel. “I can’t believe how quickly she’s recovered. She’s already back to texting me nonstop about her research.”
I laughed. “That’s Pip. Never stops. At her follow-up, the doctor was impressed with how well she’s doing. And she’s up and about more and more.”
“She said you’ve been really great.” He hung his head. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it so much. What you’ve done for her.”
“It’s nothing.” The swell of guilt rose in my stomach like bile. He clearly didn’t know we were sleeping in the same bed every night, our bodies a few centimeters closer every morning.
His brow was furrowed and his eyes were stony. “No, it’s not. It’s huge. You very well may have saved her life.”
I paused, meeting his stare. I wasn’t sure how to respond. Because I couldn’t tell him that I would do it a thousand times over. That Hazel was important to me. That my eyes had been opened, and I was finally seeing her for the gorgeous, fierce, accomplished woman she was. So instead, I kept my mouth shut and answered with a simple nod.
“As much as I was opposed to this ‘marriage’”—he used air quotes, the gesture making my stomach clench—“it’s been the best thing for her. Getting good health care? It’s something she’s literally never had. She needed this surgery. I’ve been worried for months.”
“It’s the least I could do,” I muttered.
“And the way you’ve taken care of her? Giving her an office and building her bookshelves? And your mom popping in to check on her and bringing meals? We don’t deserve you guys.”
“Dyl. Yes, you do. You and Hazel are my oldest, closest friends. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for either of you. Same for the rest of my family. You’re Gagnons too.”
Though Dylan wasn’t the emotional type, his eyes were glassy. “I owe you, man.”
I swallowed a sip of my scalding hot coffee to mask my emotions. It was so unlike him to be so open, but he had devoted his life to taking care of Hazel. I was proud that I could help them both and swore to myself I’d keep my feelings in check. A little snuggling and visually appreciating my smoking hot wife would have to be enough. This couldn’t go any further.
