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“Why don’t you go there and tell her your true feelings for her? She might take the gesture of you doing that to be sweet and very genuine.”
I think his idea over for a moment until an idea suddenly strikes me. “That’s a great idea, Cameron, but I have my own twist to add to that.”
“Okay, what do you have in mind?” he asks.
“I’m going to propose. For real, this time. I want her to know that I love her, and I’m scared to lose her. I was happiest when we were together and never want to go without that again. So I’m going to ask her to marry me. Genuinely,” I respond, now full of excitement and nervousness.
“That sounds perfect, Aiden. I think she’s a great fit for you, and it would make me happy to see you guys pull that off. You two are a nice couple,” Cameron responds happily.
“Thanks, Cameron. I really appreciate your guidance.”
“Anytime, man. I know you love her, so I know you can pull it off.”
The phone call ends with a click, and then the room is full of silence as I think about our conversation.
Holy shit, I’m going to propose to Josephine. What if she says yes, and she’s finally truly my wife?
I push aside my fear that she’ll tell me to get lost. I’m not ready to deal with that yet. Instead, I focus on the possibility, however small, that she’ll agree. Nervous butterflies take over my stomach. The thought of spending my life with her is one of genuine happiness. I rush to the table and begin working out a plan.
45
JOSEPHINE
I’m finding myself not wanting to leave the house. Part of me feels hopeless because there’s no way out of this mess, while the other part feels devastated over losing Aiden. The feelings for him are constantly in the back of my mind, dragging me down into a state of depression.
I’m still trying to care for my mom through all of my own depressed feelings. I stick to the schedule of getting her pain medications on time and fixing her meals. Outside mom’s schedule, I have nothing to do to distract my mind.
My free time consists of taking long hot showers as if the water will wash away my feelings. Or I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling, thinking about the what-ifs.
It’ll always be the what if’s that will kill me. I don’t see a way to fill the void of not knowing. Are there feelings on his end, too? Or is it one-sided on my part, and he is just an excellent actor?
All my days blend together, save for when my phone alarm goes off. This is a quick reminder that it’s time for another round of my mother’s pain medication. I dash into the kitchen, retrieving her pills and a cold glass of orange juice.
I slice up a fresh apple because I know my mom doesn’t do well with medication on an empty stomach but doesn’t have much appetite.
As I bring the assortment, I walk from the kitchen to her bedroom with her lap tray in my hand. As always, she greets me with a smile.
“Thank you, honey. I don’t know what I would do without you,” she says. I kiss the top of her head gently.
“Of course, Mom. I’m going to head into my room and watch some television. Do you need anything before I go?”
I watch my mom as she swallows her pills and then smiles. “No, thank you, honey. Thank you for the apple slices. They look amazing,” she says, picking one up. I offer a smile in response before exiting and walking back down the hall in the direction of my room.
I flop myself onto the bed, sighing hard.Damn, I really want to see him. Why can’t I stop missing him? Why can’t I accept that it’s over? He isn’t calling, and he isn’t reaching out. He doesn’t want me. He got his easy way out, and he took it.
But I can’t stop myself from wondering,Maybe he has, and I just haven’t gotten it. Or maybe his father is making him stay away from me even if he wants to see me. Or, perhaps he really wants something different, and I have to accept I will be alone forever…
I shake my head, and my heart sinks.Stop it. Enough, Josephine. Quit feeling sorry for yourself.
I fumble for the remote on my bedside table and switch the TV on, hoping to find a distraction from my ever-active mind. I know I’ve been avoiding the TV, not wanting to see the news, but I need something to distract my mind from my depressing thoughts.
As I flip through the channels, I find nothing but boring documentaries and commercials until….
Wait a minute. That looks a hell of a lot like Aiden.I switch the channel back and shock hits me immediately at seeing his face.
It is Aiden! What is happening?I wonder. I quickly realize I’m not going to like what I’m hearing.
“I was supposed to have an arranged marriage of sorts. She had things that would benefit her by this arrangement, so we agreed to make it work for both of us. We decided to get married to fix our issues.”
