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Chapter 1
Violet
Luca brushed the hair back from my face, his warm breath bathing my cheek before he touched his lips to my temple. “I’m leaving, baby. Sleep as long as you want. I’ll drop Love Bug off at school on my way to practice.”
“Love you,” I garbled sleepily, snuggling deeper into his pillow, the one I’d greedily snatched and pressed my face into when he’d gotten out of bed for his shower earlier. I couldn’t sleep without his smell surrounding me.
“I love you so much, Vi,” he whispered, kissing me again.
That was the last thing I remembered before letting sleep consume me again, confident that he would take care of our daughter. It had been our routine ever since Love Bug started kindergarten in August. Luca kicked off his day and then took care of our child, getting her ready for school, the two of them having breakfast together. It never failed to put Love Bug in a good mood to begin her day with her favorite person in the universe. Meanwhile, I got to sleep in and take my time getting out of bed.
Something, it seemed, I needed lately. No matter how much sleep I got, I was always tired. Drained. And then there were the moments of dizziness throughout the day that I hadn’t told anyone about, because they scared the hell out of me. I remembered these symptoms all too vividly.
Only, they hadn’t been mine.
My eyes snapped open with a gasp, and I rolled over, away from Luca’s pillow, as heart-wrenching pain and guilt twisted inside me. Clenching my eyes closed, I tried to contain my tears, but they still slipped through anyway.
“Remi,” I breathed, speaking to the ghost who never seemed far from my thoughts. “I can’t be sick. Our love bug can’t lose both of us.”
As expected, he didn’t answer. There were no comforting arms to wrap around me. No sweet words to calm my racing mind. Just the silence of the house in which my daughter and I had made a home with Luca.
Nausea tossed and turned in my stomach. Carefully, to avoid the dizziness that I’d learned came with sitting upright or standing too quickly, I climbed out of the huge bed and slowly walked into the adjoining bathroom. Sitting on the toilet, I leaned forward with my face in my hands, breathing in deeply until the queasiness passed, the trash can ready at my feet, just in case.
It took a while, but I eventually stood. Thankfully, without puking, which had been hit or miss over the previous week or so. My head was pounding, and I just wanted to crawl back into bed and cry. But I would need to pick up Love Bug from school when it was time since Luca would still be at practice.
After washing my hands, I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the bottle of Tylenol, hoping it would ease some of the throbbing behind my eyeballs. As I wrapped my fingers around the bottle, my eyes were drawn to the box sitting on the bottom shelf.
Shaw had been so excited when she’d taken the pregnancy test the week before. Wanting to surprise Jagger, she’d taken the test here. When we’d both started screaming in glee at the sight of the positive test, Luca had come running and nearly broken down the bathroom door to get to me. Once he realized what was going on, he’d calmed down and then walked off, grumbling—but only after congratulating Shaw on her second pregnancy.
Placing the Tylenol bottle on the sink, I reached for the box. There was an extra test inside, and I pulled out the wrapped stick. Teeth sinking into my bottom lip, I lifted my eyes to meet my own gaze in the mirror. “No,” I muttered to my reflection. “You have an IUD. There’s no way you’re pregnant.”
And even though I knew it was just a waste of time, I opened the packaging and walked back to the toilet. After peeing on the stick—thankfully I had just enough to get the stick wet after relieving myself earlier—I sat there with my panties around my ankles and watched as the clear box slowly filled with the urine. The first line turned pink, and I rolled my eyes, knowing the second wouldn’t change color.
But I had felt that sharp pain several weeks before. Luca and I had gotten a little rough. Afterward, I’d spotted a bit, and Luca had been so upset with himself that he’d treated me like I was breakable the next few times we’d had sex. He still tried to keep things in the mild zone, but I hated it when he held himself back. I wanted all of him, focused on me and only me when we were in our bed.
I was so lost in the memory of the night I’d experienced that moment of pain that I wasn’t paying attention to the test. When I glanced down, I nearly dropped the stick.
“Holy shit,” I breathed.
My body began to tremble. Pregnancy would explain all the symptoms I’d been having, which would mean I wasn’t sick like Remington had been. That was a huge relief. A baby wasn’t nearly as terrifying as cancer.
Having another baby wasn’t something Luca and I had talked about. At Aunt Emmie’s Christmas Eve party two years before, Layla had asked us when we planned on having more kids, but Luca had said he wasn’t in any rush to add to our perfect little family. And in truth, I wasn’t either. Love Bug was enough for me.
But I’d be lying if I said the need to have Luca’s biological child wasn’t something I craved from time to time.
He was so good with Love Bug, and every time I watched him with Lyric’s kids, the urge for more babies became a fever. Then I’d had a brief moment of jealousy when Shaw’s stick had been positive. I was so happy for her, but I was a little sad for myself as well.
The sting of tears burned my eyes at the same time my lips lifted into a smile. “I’m pregnant.”
I barely had time to enjoy the joyous moment before the fear spiked through my blood.
I had an IUD.
I shouldn’t be pregnant.
Nausea hit me again, and I quickly grabbed the trash can. Even as I was dry heaving, the fear of all the possibilities began to race through my mind. What if it was an ectopic pregnancy? I would lose the baby. I couldn’t lose another person I loved. And I did already love the little person growing inside me. I’d dreamed of this day, of finding out I was pregnant with Luca’s baby, since I was old enough to imagine having a family with him…
Oh shit!
