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No one understood why I wasn’t ready to become Luca’s wife. Our life was perfect. We were together and had our beautiful daughter, whom Luca doted on. Marrying him meant I had to do the one thing I wasn’t sure I was ready for—or if I ever would be.
Completely letting go of Remington.
Shaw: What’s not easy about it?
Shaw: You set a date. Buy a dress. Invite people.
Shaw: And you definitely have to have a traditional wedding this time or Uncle Shane will shit a brick. No running off to Vegas like with…Remington.
Shaw: Ohhhhh.
At least she’d finally put it together. I’d thought I was going to have to spell it out, and I hated talking about it, even to my best friend. She didn’t understand. There was only ever Jagger for her. I’d had Luca, then we’d lost each other over stupid shit. Remington became my entire world, until I’d lost him for an entirely different reason. His loss was permanent, yet he lived on in Love Bug, and seeing his eyes mixed with mine murdered my heart every time she smiled up at me so sweetly. She was every good thing of the both of us rolled into one little blond package that Luca spent his life guarding like a rare jewel that was more precious than money could buy.
Me: Yeah. Oh.
Me: Marrying Luca means letting go of the last part I have of Remi.
Shaw: But not marrying Luca is hurting LUCA.
I gasped at her reply, causing Brady to glance at me in the rearview mirror. “I’m okay,” I assured him. “Just talking to Shaw.”
His lips twitched. “Should have known.”
“Yeah,” I muttered distractedly as my fingers flew across my phone.
What the fuck did she mean by that?
Me: How am I hurting Luca?!?!?!
Shaw: He’s dying to make you his wife. But you’re holding on to the ghost of your dead husband. Let him go, Vi. Be happy. You have a family with Luca now. Just like Remington wanted for you and Love Bug.
I clenched my eyes closed as the reality of what she was saying hit me. Iwasholding on to Remington’s ghost. Even that morning, I’d talked to him like he was still there. Although I loved Luca, was completely devoted to our relationship and making things work for us this time, I hadn’t totally moved on from my dead husband.
The guilt of letting him go was always there in the back of my mind.
Just as the guilt ofnotletting him go was prevalent.
It seemed like I was in a relationship with two men. At times, it even felt like I was cheating on them both. The weirdest part was, they knew about each other. Remington had set it up before his death for Luca to come back into my life. The many, many emails shared between the two of them leading up to Remington dying was proof that he’d expected me to move on and be happy.
With Luca.
It still felt like I was cheating on my husband, though.
And what was even crazier was that I felt like I was cheating on Luca because I couldn’t let go of Remington’s memory.
I was all kinds of fucked in the head. My mind was constantly at war with itself, and my heart took a beating repeatedly because of it.
But I couldn’t handle the thought of hurting Luca. If what Shaw said was true, then I needed to fix things, and fast.
Plus, I wanted to be married before the babies were born.
Me: You’re right. Okay. I’ll set a date.
Me: But that wasn’t why I texted you.
Shaw: What’s up?
Me: I’m pregnant…
