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He pulls me forward in the line, keeping me at his side. “I still get the benefits.”
I want to argue with him and get away from this place, but when I notice him looking around for something, I understand why we’re here. He’s not wanting another nice meal. He wants a chance to see Mary, no matter how much it hurts.
Men with fancy symbols carved into chains around their necks and stitched onto the fabric of their robes fill another large room. They wander around holding glasses of strong-smelling alcohol, congratulating each other on how masterful they are.
Alex cranes his neck around the clusters of men, and I don’t comment, unsure if I want Mary to be here or not. It’s rolling the dice with Alex’s temper if she and the Eminent show up.
It’s a good thing I promised myself to stay silent because the number of adherents that congratulate Alex on his gift from the Eminent renders me speechless. They look me over, undressing me with their eyes, while Alex does his best to shield me.
Walking with a tray of food, I look to the floor, hoping I can control my rage without stabbing someone with the knife on my plate.
“Over here,” Alex says, leading me to a table where Frederick sits. I reconsider using the knife until Lori comes into view, forcing a pained smile in my direction. I want to run over and scream and hug her, but someone would report that to the Eminent. He doesn’t need further proof of my weaknesses or my love for mynest.
Alex stops me short before we sit and pulls me close enough to whisper in my ear. “Don’t mention earlier.”
“I won’t,” I promise. “Thank you.”
Alex sits, slamming his tray on the table, and I take the seat next to him.
Frederick rips a roll in half and shoves it into his mouth. He’s older than all of us, but there’s something youthful about him. I know the Eminent has his daughter, but with streaks of grey lining his temple and muscular forearms protruding from his robes, he can’t be over fifty. This place aged him, turning him into a different man.
Lori wraps her fingers around my wrist, and I turn to her and smile. “I can’t believe I’m sitting next to you,” I tell her.
“I can,” Frederick says with his mouth still full. He chews and takes a large swallow. “She threatened to cut my balls off in my sleep if I didn’t get her to you.” His words are low and harsh, but there’s a smile behind them. He enjoys helping Lori, letting her see me, and I choose to believe Alex was right about him.
“Enough,” Alex clips in his direction. The two men’s eyes dance around the room, assessing the dangers that surround us.
“I was only joking a little,” Lori smirks. We’re silent for a moment, aware of all the words left unsaid. I can’t ask all the questions I need, and neither can she.
She taps me on the forehead and raises her eyebrows. “Anything,” she says.
“Yes,” I offer. “But…”
Her eyebrows raise. “Anything that will help?” she questions.
“No. Maybe. I don’t know yet,” I say, closing my eyes and the sequence comes once more without effort. Dean is snarling at me, followed by Sam’s bloodied face. It’s a stark difference from the way I saw him before, and I let out a small gasp. There’s nothing new, and I wrap my arms around myself, cold from the sensation of rain. The visions are stronger now, easier to see, and I know that means it’s soon.
My eyes flicker back open and meet hers. “No,” I admit. “Nothing good there.”
The men look at each other but don’t ask questions. Keeping my voice low, I ask about the boys, prying about how they are and what they might have seen.
Lori reminds me they would like a visitor.
“I want to see them, too,” I say. “I miss you all so much.”
“Not… that kind of visit.” She stabs a piece of food on her plate and twirls the fork. “They told Tank they asked for another visitor. Someone from out there.” She points her fork upward, and the fury behind her words lets me know she means Dean.
“I’ve never been a great mother, Lori,” I whisper. She opens her mouth to object, but I stop her. “My sister was right. I can’t say no.”
Her fork shakes in her hand, and she swallows, nodding in understanding. “Can you tell the others?” I ask. I should have told Sam instead of giving this job to Lori, but it’s done now. Sam told me to do what I must, and I am.
“I’ll try,” Lori says. “Frederick said we can… visit after lunch.”
He shoots her a look, but she ignores him.
We eat in silence except for the adherents that come over to our table. They pay their respects to the men the Eminent favors this week, and I swallow the venom I want to spit back at them, smiling like a dutiful member of the Assembly of the Eternal.
“Why did you bring me to Sam?” I ask Alex. We’re back in his quarters, and he’s washing his face, splashing water over the sink and mirror.
