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“I know.”
“Please tell me you don’t believe the lies they tried to feed you?” Concern filled his eyes.
“I’m starting not to,” I said, and for the first time, I actually believed the words. “I’m trying, at least. Surprisingly, my sessions with Vanessa have been helping. Fighting for others helps. The strength of my friends helps. That includes you now.”
His cheeks pinked, his lips twisting up into a warm, handsome smile. “I’m glad I could help.”
“I’m still fighting for myself, and most days still feel bad compared to the good.” I stared out the window for a moment, a bird perched on the windowsill outside the kitchen. “But at least the good days are coming back. At least I’m starting to accept this new me, no matter how different she is from who I was before. I know she’s here to stay, and it’s time I welcome her, not force her away.”
The words seemed foreign on my tongue—something I had feared I would never be able to admit again. But it felt right. I had grown, even though through the journey it didn’t feel like it. I still had miles to go, but it was a start, and that was what mattered most.
“I wish I had something more to say.” Nolan rubbed his chin, his foot tapping against the floor. “Anything to show you that I’m fighting for you, too.”
“You don’t have to say anything.” I stood. “Just…thank you.”
His brow crinkled as he looked up at me. “For what?”
“For listening.” I laid my other hand on his shoulder. “For accepting me for this broken person I’ve become.”
“You aren’t broken, Kas,” he rose as well, our chests grazing. “And I will spend the rest of my time here helping you remember that.”
My heart leapt at his words, my throat tightening. I’d thought Lunestia had abandoned me after that night, but maybe, just maybe, she hadn’t. Instead of giving me a direct answer, she had given me exactly what I needed to grow into who I was meant to be—and he was standing right in front of me.
Chapter Forty-Two
“Do you have a moment?”
I looked up from my desk to find Nolan peering around my door. My heart flipped at the sight, still unable to control itself ever since yesterday.
It was a moment that had broken everything between us, removing the last bit of tension that had settled since his arrival. Now, in its place, my heart didn’t know how to react whenever he was around me; yet I felt comforted by his presence at the same time. It was a swirl of unknown brewing in my chest, forcing me to try and decipher yet again what my soul was trying to tell me.
It was annoying and thrilling all at once. But mostly annoying.
“Sure.” I dropped my stilo, gesturing for him to sit in the chair across from me. He didn’t hesitate, closing the door behind him and crossing my office in three quick strides to drop into the chair. “Is something wrong?”
“No, nothing like that.” He waved his hand quickly before dropping it back in his lap. “I’ve just been thinking since yesterday, going over everything, and it helped me come to a decision.”
I swallowed a giant lump in my throat, the words almost impossible to get out. “And that is?”
“I want you to know, once the Elliot case is either solved or moved to another Faction, I’ll be transferring away from Seathra.” His eyes didn’t reflect a wicked glint or his lips their usual smirk. He just stared at me in resignation.
He was telling the truth. He was leaving.
My heart dropped, my fingers going numb. My mind lost all ability to create cohesive thoughts, just reciting one sentence:he’s leaving you.
Not that he was leaving the Faction. Not that he was going away. No, what I couldn’t stop thinking was, he’s leavingyou.
After all the barriers we somehow found a way to break through, he was leaving.
“O-okay.” I looked down at my lap; I couldn’t look at him if I wanted to actually speak. “I…I understand. We haven’t made it easy for you, me especially. I’d hoped that the work we’ve done together over the past few weeks would help show you I’m trying to be better, because you really do deserve this post…that wasn’t a lie, and I just want you to realize you didn’t deserve…”
I couldn’t seem to stop rambling until the warmth of his hand gripped mine on top of the desk. I froze at the touch.
“Kasha.” His voice was soft and calm, urging me to look back up at him. “I’m leaving so the post will open and I can recommend you for the job.”
My eyes widened, my mouth falling open but unable to take in a breath as I processed exactly what he was saying.
He was leaving, not because he wanted to get away—but so he could give me the Faction back.
