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As soon as the door closes, I slide down the wall, vulnerability knocking on my door as a sob bursts out of my mouth. I can’t help but think of Edoardo.
There were so many aspects of him that I’d taken for granted…
There were parts of me, over the years, that let the job ruin a lot of what made us good. So many parts of this job that make you suspicious…so many parts that harden you to the point where you don’t even recognize yourself.
I wonder if I overcompensated this time.
I wonder if I wanted to see the good so badly that I blinded myself…
I wipe away the few tears that fell down my cheek and pick myself up off the ground. I clear my throat and look down the hall. The Giordios and the Colombos want a war?
They’ll get one.
Luigi’s staring at me. His eyes wide with shock. He’s speechless.
I had been too, so I can’t blame him.
When he finally finds his voice, he asks, “Detroit’s Madam Rosa…?”
“That’s the one…”
He winces. I’m not sure if it’s because he feels bad for me or for the entire family specifically.
“What’s she want with you?”
I shrug.
“So, what now?” He asks. “What should we do?”
I shake my head. He has a good question. The truth is, I have no idea what we should do.
I just know that the fuckers have a lifetime of hurt coming their way.
On one hand, I don’t want to tell anyone else what I’ve done or what I’ve personally let happen. Not only did I not want to dwell on it any further than what it took to come up with a plan, but I was also embarrassed that I let my guard down like this.
“Well, that’s up to you…” I whisper, faintly. He has the right to tell the family. I have completely allowed someone to infiltrate us.
Luigi replies solemnly, "I guess I'll have to discuss that with the council…”
I just nod. Whatever happens, happens. I suspect the others will still keep me around, because none of them know what’s good for them. But who knows? I was wrong about Tony. I may be wrong about this.
I just need to make a decision in the meantime about what to do from here.
Part of me wishes I could be like any other woman.
I wish I could buy a gallon of ice cream and slink into bed, bury myself under the covers, and watch RomComs or something until I feel better. But that’s not life. Not mine, anyway.
Hours tick by, and I pace my office.
Something stops me dead in my tracks. A feeling… intuition…something and I stare at the door for a moment. A click, and the door opens. “What did you decide?” I ask Luigi as soon as he bursts through my door.
“You’ll find out…” He holds out his hand, and I accept it before he yanks me up roughly. It still hurt a little on my side. A lot of jostling; quick movements…
Like instance, when I stood up, I felt a little sting from time to time. But once I’m on my feet, I do just fine.
I stand there and look at him for a second, dread pushing to the forefront of my mind. Usually, a mob isn’t a dictatorship. But, I broke the rules. I let someone in. I let my guard down. This is my fault.
I’ve put us all in danger.
