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I never talked to Ellie about what happened that night. She and Lucca were glued together at the lips. By the next time I’d seen her, Cassio and I had already had an incredibly awkward follow-up exchange. So I’d been too embarrassed to say anything.
And then I didn’t want to make things more uncomfortable by dragging Ellie into it when she seemed to like Lucca so much. Instead, I figured we could put it behind us or act cordial so we could all hang out. But Cassio clearly hadn’t seen it that way.
“You’re avoiding my question,” Ellie scolds, pointing her finger at me. “Which means something did happen, and you don’t want to tell me. Come on, Bianka. We’re best friends. We used to tell each other everything! What happened between you and Cassio?”
Emotion bubbles up inside me as the stress of finding him in my classes this week combines with the confusion and resentment that’s resided deep within for too long. Suddenly, I’m livid as I recall what happened with razor-sharp clarity.
“You really want to know what happened?” I demand, snagging a throw pillow and hugging it defensively to my chest.
“Please!”
“Well, while you had your tongue down Lucca’s throat that night, Cassio and I were talking. I’d always had a crush on him, but that night, it really felt like a deeper connection, like maybe he had feelings for me too. So when he asked if he could kiss me, I said yes.”
Heat licks up the back of my neck as I confess to us kissing for the first time. I’ve never told anyone about it before now. And from the shock on Ellie’s face, I would gather Cassio’s never mentioned it either.
“He said all the right things and made me feel beautiful, and when you all left that night, I really thought we might turn into something more.” A lump swells in my throat, silencing me as I fight down the wave of emotion.
“And then?” Ellie presses, sitting forward in her chair and looking at me more insistently.
“And then nothing. At first, I thought he might be waiting, so he didn’t appear overly eager or something. But when I texted him later the next day, I got no response back. And when I finally ran into him on campus, he acted like I was just another person who might say hi to him. We were passing each other on the sidewalk, and I waved, but it was like he barely even saw me. I said his name and finally grabbed his arm when he kept walking.”
Ellie frowned. “But… that doesn’t make sense.”
“You’re telling me! I asked him if something was wrong, and he just gave me that stupid, charming fucking smile and said, ‘No, of course not. Why would anything be wrong?’ I didn’t know what to say to that. He made me feel like I’d dreamed up the entire thing. So, I let him go, and he just gave me an ‘Okay then, I guess I’ll see you around’ and walked off.”
Looking down at my throw pillow, I pick imaginary lint from its surface as I force myself to put it all out there, to tell Ellie all the avalanching thoughts and emotions that have stemmed from that one kiss and the events that followed.
“I used to think Cassio was a good guy–smart, funny, kind, handsome–everything a girl could want, and something Lucca seems to actually be. But as far as I’m concerned, Cassio used me that night. He probably just wanted some entertainment since you and Lucca were preoccupied.” I look up from my pillow to find Ellie’s gray eyes filled with sympathy. “You know what’s ironic about the whole thing?”
“What?”
“At first, I thought it was a sign that Cassio might be right for me, since he would still kiss meafterhearing my brother blow up about me spending time with the Marchettis. I thought maybe, just maybe, I’d found a guy brave enough to stick it out even though my brother can be intimidating. Then, when Cassio stopped talking to me so abruptly, I wondered if Ilya might not have approached him and threatened him more directly. I worried it was my fault our relationship ended before it had truly begun–because I’m the one with the overprotective brother who scares off every guy who might like me from here to kingdom come.”
“I think those are pretty reasonable thoughts,” Ellie objects.
“That’s not the ironic part. The cruel irony is that while I was thinking of Cassio’s persistence as a sign and then his distance as my cross to bear for being the sister of apakhan, I’ve come to realize he probably saw it as agame. I bet Cassio imagined it would be a fun challenge to get me to kiss him. I mean, he’s not the first person to think kissing Ilya Popov’s sister might be a thrill. Hell, now that I think about it, he probably wanted to kiss mebecauseIlya had told me to stay away from him that same day. Yeah, my brother probably approached him later and told him to stay away, but he probably didn’t mind so much because he already got what he wanted. I’ve seen the way girls throw themselves at him. He can have anyone he wants, so a girl who might put up some resistance would seem like fun. Only I’m such an idiot, I was too wrapped up in my own crush to see the signs. I basically threw myself at him, and he realized the game was all but child’s play.”
Ellie bites her lip, suddenly seeming conflicted. I almost feel bad as I realize she might be worried that Lucca could be capable of the same thing.
“Don’t worry. I think Lucca’s proven himself to be a better man than his brother. But as far as I’m concerned, Cassio’s a selfish, manipulative asshole who enjoys playing with girls’ emotions for fun.”
“Bianka, I’m so sorry. If I’d known….” Her eyes are filled with worry as they brim with apology, and I’m momentarily struck by her response. Then her eyes flick up and over my shoulder toward the open window, and my heart stops.
Icy intuition freezes my chest as her gaze remains locked on something behind me, her lips parted as if she’s unsure of what to say. Slowly, stiffly, I rise from my seat and turn to search for our reflections in the window.
Instead, I find two pairs of hazel eyes set in two identical faces. Cassio and Lucca sit halfway through the open window, apparently having just climbed up the fire escape to sneak in. From their shocked expressions, I’m positive they overheard me. How long they were listening, I don’t know. But I’m sure it’s more than I ever wanted Cassio to know.
Angry tears sting my eyes as embarrassment floods through me. Betrayal follows closely behind as I see the big picture for the first time. Ellie set me up. She invited me tonight knowing that the twins planned to show up. She insisted on leaving the window open so they could sneak inside.God, did she go so far as to squeeze a confession out of me just so Cassio could hear?
As I struggle to keep my composure, I remain rooted to the spot. The same question runs on a loop through my mind.Why in the fuck is Cassio Marchetti here? What does he want from me?
6
CASSIO
Poised on the windowsill, I can’t bring myself to move. Beside me, Lucca’s frozen in place as well, his breath held as he waits for something to happen. I didn’t intend to eavesdrop on the girls’ conversation, but when Bianka said my name, I couldn’t stop myself. I signaled Lucca to wait as well, so I might hear what she had to say, and now, all I want to do is take it all back.
The deep pain in Bianka’s voice as she unburdened her emotions about me to her best friend ripped me apart. I see now just how unforgivable my actions were two years ago, even if they were meant to protect her. In truth, I feared that if I tried to explain myself to her then, I might lose my resolve to stay away. She might convince me to take the risk.
