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Penny’s phone chimes from the table, and I look down with Helen, seeing a message from Gareth. She picks it up, reads, fails to hide her anxious expression, and places it calmly down before taking a casual sip of her drink.
“They left, didn’t they?” I ask, watching for her reaction to my question.
Helen waits pensively, reaching over to take my hand in a show of support when Penny delivers the answer I know she will. It’s awkward again, so fucking awkward, her eyes refusing to meet mine.
“Penny, just say. It’s totally fine.”
She relents, letting her shoulders drop. “He told them he wanted to be alone.”
I nod, smiling mildly, as if I can convince them I’m okay with that. And, of course, I’m far from surprised. Last night, Billy went along with my surprise because he knew it would be the last time he’d have to. He did it for me. And it exhausted him. I drop down from my stool. “I should go home.”
“No, Lo. Please, stay,” Penny begs.
“I can’t but thank you for trying.”
“Then we’ll see you to a cab,” Helen says, getting up from her stool.
I rest my hand on her arm, making her pause mid lift. “Please,” I beg, and she slowly lowers back to her seat, glancing across to Penny. “I’m really not in the mood anyway. Stay and enjoy. You’ve managed to get sitters two nights in a row. I’m sure that’s a miracle too good to pass up.” I leave them both with a kiss before heading for the exit, damning myself for being so stupid, for being hopeful. Tonight has been everything I hoped it wouldn’t be.
As I break into the freezing cold air, I pull my coat in tight and look left and right for a cab. There are no cabs, but . . . “Luke?” He walks forward, his face straight. I’ve missed that face so much; I hardly want to admit it to myself. “Are you following me?”
“You just got here. Are you leaving?” he asks, ignoring my question.
So I ignore his. “Are you following me?”
“You’re not walking home alone.”
“What are you, my guardian angel?” I look away from him when his eyes flash with annoyance, finding it too difficult to maintain eye contact. I don’t like that look, but I can’t expect anything less when I’m being so defensive. And, worse, I really don’t mean it. “I’m sorry.” I sigh deeply, hearing his shoes hitting the pavement as he walks toward me, until he comes to a stop a few paces away. “I’ve missed you,” I blurt, the words and emotion in them coming unstoppably. And then the tears. The tears fall down my cheeks like rivers, the whole miserable night catching up with me and releasing.
“Oh, Lo,” he whispers, pacing forward and throwing his arms around me. “I’ve missed you too.”
Powerful sobs rack my body, the kind of crying you can’t control. I’m done for the day. The week. The year. Forever.
“Come have a drink with me.”
I shake my head into him. “I shouldn’t,” I croak, ripping myself from his warm embrace. I glance over my shoulder, struggling with my desperation to scream yes! Yes, I want to get a drink with him. I want to listen to him talk, I want to lose myself in one of his hugs again, let him make me laugh. But I can’t.
“I didn’t ask if you should or shouldn’t. I asked if you would like to.”
His question is simple, yet so hard to answer. So I don’t, looking away from him.
Penny and Helen emerge from the bar. “Oh God.”
“What?”
I jump back into an unused doorway, panicked. What will they think, seeing me standing here with another man? Shit. Luke frowns, glancing between me and the bar entrance. I see realization fall, and he joins me in the recess, but he doesn’t say a word.
“I can’t see her,” I hear Penny say, and I close my eyes, praying they don’t walk this way.
“She can’t have gotten far. Shit, Penny, we shouldn’t have let her leave.”
“I’ll text her.”
I inhale, rootling through my bag as Luke watches, turning my mobile to silent just in time for Penny’s text to land. I quickly tap out a reply, telling her I’m fine and in a cab on my way home. Then I clutch my phone to my chest and look up at the dank ceiling of the doorway.
“She’s in a cab,” Penny says. “The poor woman. She looked utterly exhausted.”
More tears, and I feel Luke’s hand rest on my forearm. I peel my eyes open and find his solemn expression. Yes, exhausted. Yes, a mess. Yes, poor Lo.
Luke sighs. “Let’s go somewhere warm,” he says quietly. “We’ll talk.”
I swallow and look around the edge of the doorway, seeing Penny and Helen have gone.
“Please, Lo,” he begs. “I feel like my right arm has been cut off. You’ve come to mean so much to me, and I’m so worried about you.”
