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“When we heard the sirens and looked out to see it was your place, we were fucking terrified too,” Liam told me as he leant over the guard rail on the bed and pressed his lips to the top of my head. “Thank fuck you’re here with us,” he whispered as his lips remained against my skin.
“No more risks, Blake,” Declan growled and Liam pulled away. “From now on one of us is with you, as well as the security your Dad hired. We’re not leaving you alone again, not for one fucking minute.”
“Dec, that’s not necess…”
“Do not fucking tell me it’s not necessary. You were almost killed last night, for the second damned time, Blake! I…I can’t…I…fuck!” Before anyone could try to soothe him, he turned and ripped the door to the room open so violently it smashed back against the wall, startling us all. Then he was gone.
“He’s struggling,” Grey told me. “He feels like he should have stopped this and the hit and run. It’s killing him that you got hurt again.”
“It’s killing us all. I know Dec sounds crazy, but he’s also right, Blake. You need more protection until this thing ends. We’d feel better knowing one of us is always with you in addition to Luca and his team,” Liam explained.
“I’m okay with that,” I agreed easily, and then smiled when they all looked to me with surprise. “Last night terrified me. If one of y-you had been there I w-wouldn’t have panicked so much. So I’m okay with one of you being c-close until whoever did this is caught, as long as you’re all alright with that. It’s a lot to ask and…”
“You’re not asking, little warrior. We are. We need this more than you do,” Tom reassured me as he lifted my hand from where it rested on the bed and brought it to his lips. He placed soft kisses along my knuckles which soothed me.
“Can one of you please g-go and check on Dec? Tell him I’ll do whatever you need me to do. I d-don’t want him to be upset,” I requested, and Liam nodded.
“I’ll go,” he said as he leaned in again to place a soft kiss on my forehead. “Be right back.”
We watched him go and I just hoped he could find Declan and calm him down some. At least enough to get him back to the room so I could offer the reassurance that he needed.
“How b-bad is the house?” I asked, looking to Tom.
“Not bad. Your Dad already has cleaners going in to deal with the soot and smoke damage. Your room was destroyed, but Liam and I can get our crew on it this week. We’ll get it back to what it was in no time.”
“Nan has ordered you some clothes and toiletries which should have arrived by the time you get to the twin’s place later. When you’re feeling up to it, we’ll go shopping for whatever else you need to replace,” Grey added.
“God,” I gasped. “All of those beautiful clothes Trent bought f-for me. I hadn’t even worn most of them.”
“It can all be replaced, baby. You’re what’s important. You’re the only thing that’s irreplaceable.” Grey’s eyes were locked on mine as he spoke, and filled with so much emotion and feeling that it choked me up.
Seeing how on edge they all seemed, how terrified they had been by what had happened, gave me a shake. I had been pushing them away because I was scared it was all moving way out of my control. But I had been wrong.
As I lay there, looking at Grey and Tom who both seemed glassy eyed, having felt Dec’s terror as he stormed from the room, and the emotion behind the press of Liam’s lips to my temple, it just all clicked. Things between us had been moving fast because they were supposed to. They loved me as much as I loved them. In that moment, having had to fight for survival the night before, I realised I didn’t care why the feelings between us were so powerful, or how fast or out of control things progressed between us. I didn’t care what anyone else thought or what my over worked consciousness tried to convince me was appropriate. All I cared about was the four guys I was in love with, and the realisation that I needed to stop wasting time I could have with them.
I was done fighting for control of our relationship. Who cared if I didn’t have control? I didn’t need it when I knew for a fact I was safe with my guys. When I knew for a fact that I could trust them with every single damned part of me – body, heart, and soul. They had me. They wouldn’t hurt me. They’d protect me as much as they possibly could and I needed to give them my complete trust now so we could move forwards together.
I would always be a cautious person in my life - anyone who lived the life I had would be, but in that moment I decided to throw caution out of the window with these four amazing men. My relationship with them was already way past that anyway – my feelings for them wilder than any I had ever known for anyone.To hell with it, Blake,I told myself.Time to live a little and reach for this thing called happiness.It was within my grasp and I wanted it so very much, if I survived long enough to take it.
***
I dozed off before Liam returned with Declan, once again feeling exhausted and unable to fight off the pull of rest and peace.
When I next opened my eyes I could see it was dark outside the window, and I wondered when I was going to get to go home. Grey had said that afternoon, but that had clearly been and gone again.
I pushed myself up a little so I was sitting rather than laying and looked around. The room was only dimly lit by some sconce lights on the opposite wall, but it was enough to make out Declan, sat in the chair to my right, his head back as he snored quietly. He had changed since I saw him earlier, now in a pair of black joggers and a hoody with the gym logo across the front. His hair was wild like he’d been pulling it straight up over and over.
Realising I was busting for the loo, I pushed back the blankets covering me and swung my legs out of the side of the bed away from Dec, not wanting to disturb him when he looked so exhausted. The oxygen tube was gone from my nose and I wasn’t hooked up to anything else, which I assumed was a good sign. Maybe I could head home now, I thought.
Moving to the bathroom was a little unsteady, since my legs felt shaky, but I was okay on the whole and made it to the adjoining ensuite to take care of my fit to burst bladder.
Once I moved to the sink to wash my hands I felt pretty worn out, but my legs seemed a little more solid beneath me. Then I glanced in the mirror and almost screamed at the nightmare who looked back. My face was filthy! Someone had obviously tried to wipe it, but had failed miserably. My skin was smeared with black soot and my hair was wild and smelled badly of smoke. My arms and legs beneath the hospital gown weren’t much better either. My eyes were bright red, sore and angry looking too, which overall, added to the demonic look I seemed to have going.
There wasn’t even a question in my mind of if I could manage a shower. I was having one. No way I could leave this bathroom without getting clean. My skin already felt like it was crawling now I had seen the state of myself.
Thankfully, there was already a bright white towel and a small bottle of bodywash sat on a shelf beside the small, curtained shower cubicle, so I cranked the water hoping it would get at least warm, then slipped off the hospital gown, being sure not to catch my reflection and see my scars in the mirror over the sink. I still couldn’t bring myself to look at them in the mirror. I wasn’t sure I would ever get there either.
Knowing I’d need the shower to be fairly swift if I was going to remain upright throughout, I rushed through shampooing my hair twice and scrubbing my hands over my entire body and face to remove the black coating I had everywhere. Since I didn’t have a loofah, or even a flannel, I had to make do with my hands and an entire bottle of shower gel. I knew I’d regret washing my hair with the cheap bodywash the next day when it was a wild mane of frizz, but at least it would be clean and smoke free.
