AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Us. What I said to you guys about slowing down. I g-got scared I was losing control and I fr-freaked out, but it was a mistake. I don’t want that, Dec. It’s still scary how fast things seem to be moving with all of us, but I don’t want to st-stop it, or slow it. I want you, all of you. I’m done questioning the way I feel about you. I’m finished worrying what others will think, and about what’s right and wrong. The way I feel about you all, it’s not wrong. It’s magical and it has made me happier than I would ever have thought p-possible. I want to see what comes next. I want to stop being so sc-scared.”
“It’s okay to be scared. We don’t need to rush anything, beautiful.”
“I’m not rushing. I just…I want to give in to what my body and my mind are telling me I need. I d-don’t want to keep pushing it away because of my past. My body is screaming for you right now, Dec, just like it does for all of you when you’re close. I want to give in to that. I just…I’m so unsure. I’ve never….” I looked up at him, and felt soothed when I saw he was patiently listening to every word I said. “…not willingly and it…it always hurt so much. It scares me, but I…I want to try. Could you…would you show me….h-how it feels. How it should be?” Shit, I had bumbled my way through that. How could I expect him to do anything when I didn’t even have the guts to get the bloody words out?
“Now?” Dec gasped. “Here? You want me to…to touch you?”
“You don’t have to. I shouldn’t ha….”
Declan cut off my words by lowering his lips over mine, this time kissing me more softly, like he had all of the time in the world to devour me.
When he pulled back his stormy eyes were taking me in and looking for something.
“Are you sure you want this?” he asked.
“Not…notthat,” I whispered as I looked around unsure. “I d-don’t think I’m ready to…to….”Jesus Blake! If you’re talking about it, you should be able to say the fucking word!I sat up, needing some space from him to get this out, “I just…it scares me, you know? I need to know it isn’t always about pain. I n-need to see what happens when I want it and I’m not…not scared. I trust you. I w-want it to be you who shows me, Dec. Please. Will you show me what it’s like when it’s good?”
I was so nervous I didn’t dare look up at him. I knew I was asking a lot and I started to panic that it was a stupid request. Would he be disgusted that I was coming on so strong with him? Maybe this was all too fast. I was such an idiot!
Then he gently gripped my chin and moved my gaze up to his, and all of my panic and concerns melted away until all I could see was the heat and desire in his eyes. It mirrored the feelings running amuck inside of me.
“I want you to know how much it means to me that you are trusting me with this. I’m going to try really hard not to fuck it up,” he told me, then he kissed me, just chastely on the lips. “I’m gonna go really slowly, okay. If you need me to stop, you just tell me and everything stops.”
“Okay. I…I’m nervous,” I admitted as I reached out and wrapped my hands around his forearm, holding onto him.
“It’s okay to be nervous. If you feel unsure about anything at all, you can talk to me, okay? Just because we take a pause to discuss, doesn’t mean it all has to stop. I just want you to be comfortable and happy with everything.”
“Okay,” I agreed. “Pauses might be good.” I was glad he said that because I knew myself – I knew if I got nervous I’d be scared to speak up in case Declan stopped it all completely. I wanted to do this, to try at least, but knowing I could be open about my fears as it happened was a relief.
“Come here beautiful,” he said as he laid back down and held his arm open in invitation.
“Aren’t we going to…you know?”
“We will, but not until you’re relaxed and ready. You’re worrying too much right now. Come lie with me and look at the stars,” he told me calmly, and I couldn’t help but smile at how calm and relaxed he looked laid back against a mountain of pillows, his feet bare. He was dressed in smart looking grey chino shorts and a white designer polo t-shirt that fit him as though it had been made for him. He looked amazing and laid out as he was…self-combustion was imminent for me.
I fought the urge to rub my thighs together and instead laid against Dec’s side, snuggling into him, and wrapping my arm across his wide chest.
I looked up, remembering what he had said about looking at the stars, then laughed.
“There are no stars tonight. It’s t-too cloudy,” I informed him.
“I know. Fucking weather ruined my date plans,” he grumbled, only making me laugh more. “Just pretend we’re looking at a sky filled with magical stars right now.”
“Okay. Ooh, look. There’s my favourite constellation.” I pointed up very animatedly to the dark sky.
“I see it! What do they call it again?” he asked with laughter in his voice.
“Erm, something Greek, I think?”
“Something Greek? Never heard of that one before,” he laughed.
“It’s a famous one where I’m fr-from.”
“That right?”
“Yep. Definitely.” I looked up to him and then burst out laughing at the huge grin on his face. Moments like that were rare with Declan – moments where he allowed his guard to drop and was just relaxed and at peace. It was an amazing sight to behold and I felt honoured. “Okay fine. I don’t actually know any constellations,” I admitted.
“No shit. You really had me going there,” he said sarcastically.
